I want to follow up on faith for a minute.  I’ve consistently vacillated between being a take charge person and a victim.  The issue I’m seeing with this is an inconsistent faith.  I never trusted enough to allow what I wanted to come to fruition on it’s own.  I couldn’t just take the steps I needed and be patient—I took control and wanted it to happen right away.  I asked for answers and I would ignore them, or I would be so busy moving forward that I didn’t hear them.  The truth is I wanted to have faith, I wanted to be patient, I was just so afraid of missing out on everything, I was afraid that if I wasn’t the best in everything that I would get nothing, that I didn’t know how to find who I was.  I didn’t know how to sit still and listen to hear the next steps.  My own inner monologue was so loud and so engrained in victimhood because of how people treated me (and the beliefs I started to adopt about myself because of how they treated me) that I didn’t know how to shut up and hear a different tale.  The answers were always there, I just didn’t hear them or I told myself I didn’t know how to act on them. 

In my heart, I actually do believe and feel that I will be ok—that all will be ok.  I’ve been so scared to fall in with my faith and just believe that I’ve continually tried to control the outcomes.  At the same time, I legitimately believe in the magic of source and the universe and that it puts all together.  I need to have patience and believe.  Right nowt he steps are taking care of myself and letting go of what isn’t working.  Changing my behaviors and thoughts isn’t like a light switch.  I need to take the small steps every day to make that transition.  With small steps and practice the faith will come more naturally and I will feel guidance—and be able to understand it.  I’ve known for a long time that I have a story to share and that it will help people—I’ve just been wrestling with ego and the potential fall out from what I have to tell people.  I know once I share that work, everything will fall into place.

Tabitha Brown shared the story of her viral Whole Foods video from 6 years ago and I got chills because it demonstrated the true faith that I’m talking about here.  She explained that she had gone back to that Whole Foods to thank the young man who made the sandwich and that he was no where to be found and no one seemed to know who he was.  My immediate thought was this was an angel sent here to put her on the path to sharing the message she had.  How else would he disappear?  I’ve heard faith stories about things like this before and it sounded just like the work of source to send someone to help us on our way when we are doing our work.  I believe that as long as we are patient and aware, we all have an angel that works in our favor like that.  We just need to trust and do what we are being asked to do even if it doesn’t make sense. So, another goal I have this year is to lean into my faith more.  It’s hard for me, but if I am going to be softer and open to what I am asked to do, open to releasing what doesn’t serve, I need to let go of control and embrace trust.  I am not a victim, I am being guided—just as we all are.  Have faith—we are always encouraged to keep going.