Perfect for a follow up from yesterday.  I struggled with the word toughness as it came to mental health.  The more I wrote yesterday, the more I realized that being tough is what caused me massive anxiety and ADD and that’s really why the word toughness bothered me.  I think the message I was trying to convey outside of strength and resilience was discipline.  We absolutely need accountability and firmness in our lives and that boils down to one word: discipline.  It isn’t about being tough in the manner of intimidation or being rude or cut throat to get what we want.  We need to assume responsibility for our lives, our decisions, and our goals in order to get what we want and see our purpose through.  It’s through daily habits and discipline that we get where we need to go. We build the content of our character through who we are and what we do shows who we are.  I’m not saying that it’s easy.  We often have to make choices between the now and the long term.  

One of my goals is to spend more focused time with my kid and to be more present for him.  Like any other person in our society, I have a lot of time conflicts and I often find myself getting short with him because I have things that need to be done so there isn’t much time for playing.  But I’ve realized that I have goals I want to achieve and many of those goals offer the opportunity to have limitless time available with him—but that means giving up some time now.  I won’t give it all up because I love witnessing the moments he is growing up and I need to be present for those.  But I also have to have the discipline and accountability to say no to his wants every now and then, including playing games, if I need to work on something that is going to give us a long term gain.  Discipline means letting go of the perception that I’m hurting others by doing what needs to be done for myself now.  The key is knowing what needs to be done now and the rest falls in line.       

My other issue with the perception of toughness was the idea that we had to carry it all and do it all on our own.  Being tough meant handling it all.  That was a real show of strength.  We never asked for help until we were officially drowning.  Ironically we were also the first people to tell each other and others to reach out if we needed help-but we never did so ourselves.  I know that I can’t cry victim with every little thing if I want to move forward successfully.  I can’t choose to carry the entire load when there are opportunities for help and then complain that I can’t move forward.  Discipline is knowing what needs to be done, knowing when and how to do it (including asking for help), and seeing it through.  The more we practice discipline, the more clarity we have.  It’s not about being tough or being perceived in a certain way—it’s how we perceive ourselves and how we hold ourselves accountable to the things we say we want.  Are our actions aligned with the person we say we are?  Being that person is the greatest gift we can give ourselves and the world.  We don’t need to be tough, we need to be aware, and when we are aware, we are free to be who we are.