I heard one of my team mates talking about mental toughness the other day.  She spoke in terms of resilience but she kept using phrases like we have to push, keep going, make changes, deal with it.  I understand what she was talking about and I know her intentions were good but I found myself thinking about toughness.  The word implies an armor we wear to protect ourselves.  A means of not getting hurt again.  A means of pushing when we don’t think we can get there.  Before I go any further, there is a time for that, we just need to be more aware of it.  Force isn’t always the answer.  Ok, so the conversation was about how to push forward when we don’t want to and how we have to keep picking ourselves up when we fall.  I don’t always want to be tough.  I want to allow myself to be soft enough to accept who I am and strong enough to honor that.  The toughness comes in defending who we are and standing up for ourselves when we think we can’t.  I want strength and resilience and the drive to keep going—but I don’t want to have to carry the weight of that armor with me.

Society tends to value toughness and we make it a priority, something to wear as a badge of honor.  Again, there is a place for being strong.  But we don’t talk about what happens when we take the time to stop and navigate who we are.  When we take the time to honor what the truth is.  We don’t often praise those who say they will not tolerate what is considered the norm and go off on their own.  We need to celebrate the softness and the self-awareness as much as we do the drive to push.  We also have to learn to accept the basic fact that there are times we need to refuel.  There is no shame in taking the time to stop if it’s the time to stop. Sometimes toughness looks like maintaining a boundary.  I don’t want people to go through life thinking they need to maintain a persona that isn’t who they are.  Rather, I want people to understand that dropping the persona and being vulnerable is one of the toughest things we can do.  Toughness and resilience naturally develop when we consistent and aligned—so don’t confuse toughness with aggression.  Be firm and consistent and maintain the boundary of respect for who we are—that is the toughness we need to keep going.  So.  Keep going.