I have this massive desire to take everything from Christmas down already even though we haven’t celebrated with the family yet (sickness has delayed us getting together).  Yes, I adore the holiday and I love all the things that come with it, but I’m looking forward to the new.  I’m looking forward to taking action on my goals.  I find myself not wanting to sit in the reminder of the holiday right now.  Yes, the holidays have always brought me comfort and joy—and the holiday was absolutely beautiful in spite of not being with family how we normally are—but I find myself needing to purge, clean, and organize.  I find myself looking forward to cleaning up not only my space, but my habits and actions.  I find myself wanting to clean up my soul and understand why I want things and where that desire comes from.  I am ready to begin anew.  The last straw for me aside from all of us ending up sick at the end of the year was seeing how many things I wanted to accomplish and how much further I needed to go.  This isn’t a bad thing—but it was a sobering thing.

I spent so much of the year wandering on a personal level.  We had an amazing time, a busy time, but there wasn’t really focused time.  There wasn’t clear time and there wasn’t actionable goal time.  I thought I had a few times toward October but I still couldn’t quite get things through.  So I’m ready to put away the things I love about the holiday because I find them more of a distraction than anything at this time.  I’m ready to take clear action.  Plus I feel the call of change in general.  I feel the desire and the drive to do something new.  I’m ready to move my body and connect with spirit and soul instead of trying to repeat the same patterns over and over again.  I’m ready to put aside fears about failing and start making moves towards what I want.  I literally feel the old dying and stripping away.  The difference is I’m not afraid of it this time.  I’m ready to let it go.  To be grateful for it and let it go.  I used to be afraid that letting go meant forgetting or not having that feeling ever again (the feeling of safety).  Now I see that it’s burdensome to carry things that are no longer present with us.  We can always be grateful for it, but we don’t need to carry what was with us.  Especially if it has different meaning to those around us.

So I’m ready to admit and acknowledge and work on the things I need to change in my life.  That change will allow who I am meant to be, who I really am, to shine forth and guide me the rest of the way.  I don’t have to do it all on my own.  But I need to be honest about what comes next and stricter with myself on figuring out how to navigate that journey.  Break the habits.  Be the person I am meant to be, and I need accountability to do that.  I’m consistently amazed at the process of evolution and change because these are all things I’ve spoken about for years, things I’ve actively practiced—and still there is room for more.  There is need for more release.  There is need for more trust and acceptance.  There is need for more time and care.  There is need for more boundaries.  It’s constantly flexing, releasing what doesn’t work.  The more we hold onto things, the more stagnant and heavy it becomes.  So this is a good time to clean and release both external and internal clutter.  When we get rid of the old, we see who we are.  Clear the mess, welcome the new.