Today I am grateful for my family.  There are a million things that family is. The people who love us, the people who support us.  The people who drive us crazy.  The people who know all of our fears.  The people we want to make proud.  The people we share everything with—or hide things from.  I am grateful to have a system of people who I can rely on.  I struggled to feel like I belonged with anyone, friend or family, for a really long time.  I felt like I was on the outside and needed to prove my way in.  Family doesn’t work like that.  Family is the support we are born into and the support we create.  My husband and son drive me insane at times but I wouldn’t choose anyone else in my corner.  No, it isn’t all sunshine and daisies, but the love is always there.  It’s hard to prioritize family at times because we have so many conflicting responsibilities, but I don’t regret choosing their needs over some perceived responsibility elsewhere.  I am grateful to learn how to be that support for them as well.  I am fiercely protective of the ones I love and I am grateful to give back what they need from me.  Time goes quickly and it is so important to prioritize time with the ones we love.   

Today I am grateful for health.  We have been dealing with on and off respiratory crap since September.  I’ve been getting progressively more annoyed with it because it just seems to always be there and there are things that constantly need to be done.  To be fair, I think the annoyance comes from the fact that most of the time, even with the illness, I’ve felt ok enough to get things done but then the energy is just zapped out of me and the list of what needs to be done is growing longer and longer.  It feels like I just can’t keep up.  But I know that overall we are ok.  I know that moving to the end of the year my health is something I need to focus on even more than I have.  It isn’t something I want to dabble in anymore, I want to take things to the next level and protect my mind and body.  I want to share that with others as well.  It’s a huge shift in priorities for me and something I need to follow through on—also something that I need to have more clarity around.  Health in general is good and I’ve mastered that.  But in order to feel like I’ve taken care of myself and set myself up for long term health, I need to change some priorities and figure out how to create a plan for myself that puts health first—physical and mental. Give up old comfort habits and step into what’s good for me, allow that to be my norm. 

Today I am grateful for following my own lead.  I’ve been scared to follow through on some things I know will move me forward.  They will change how I operate in life and I’m not sure I’m ready for that consistently.  At the same time, I know that I can’t allow myself to continue to wander from thing to thing, throwing spaghetti at the wall and hoping something sticks.  I’m the only one who can decide what my future looks like, who knows what I enjoy, who knows what I want to share with the world.  I can’t make statements like I want to be a certain way or do a certain thing and then do what other people tell me to or decide on what makes other people happy.  I can’t let other people’s opinions of me dictate what I do with my time.  I’ve shared here so many times about how we are the ones who are in control of our lives and that is something I need to consistently remember. 

Today I am grateful for opportunity.  There are opportunities that fall in our laps and opportunities we create.  When we know something isn’t working we need to make the choice of looking for a different opportunity or learning to cope with how things are.  I’ve recently decided to start looking at some other opportunities that would ease up some of the daily stressors I face, namely giving me more time in my day.  It’s a bit disappointing because I haven’t seen much movement on it yet, but in my heart I know that it’s the right thing to do.  I know that the focus needs to shift and I need to do something to alleviate this pressure I feel now.  I can’t say that I’m not grateful for what I’ve learned where I am, I can’t say that I don’t appreciate what has already been afforded to me.  But I know that what I’ve given up is something I can no longer sacrifice.  I know I need to be clear about what the next steps are, but understanding opportunity and not being afraid to go for it have been the first steps for me and I am grateful for it. 

Today I am grateful for planning, deciding, and cooperation—deciding the direction and making a plan to get there.  My business partners have been participating in a 21 day challenge, one that I was supposed to do as well but I completely chickened out—I still have to work on that whole accountability thing.  But I’ve seen the results they’ve had and the support they offer each other and I’ve realized that I need to get better at clarity and planning.  Making a decision is not as complicated as I’ve made it.  It’s the process that I’ve repeatedly shared here over the years.  Lean into what feels good and decide what direction to go in and then work on closing the gap to get here.  It’s that accountability thing again.  I spent so much time doing what I was told as a kid that I’m kind of averse to doing what others tell me but I’ve also got this people pleaser mentality where I want to do what they tell me.  Planning and deciding what needs to be done is a major step in the right direction, though. 

Today I am grateful for releasing the fear of other’s opinions.  My son woke up in tears the other day with an earache and it just so happened to be the Friday before the holiday—we’ve been sick right before the holidays for some time now.  My initial thought was that my boss would never believe that we were sick again so I brought him to my parents with the plan of calling the doctor to get his medicine called in over the phone because we’ve seen this with him many times before.  They needed to see him so the day turned into chaos with settling things at work and then finding out how to get him to the office and get his prescription.  Meanwhile my boss was emailing about something she considered an issue and I was trying to be both the mother and the diligent employee.  My frustration peaked because my son ended up back in my office with me in so much pain when we simply should have gone home.  I had told myself that I wouldn’t allow her to create a fire before a holiday again simply because she wasn’t in the office and here I was feeding into it.  I need to stand firm and do what is right for me—it doesn’t matter if she believes me or if she thinks of me one way or the other, I know what my family needs, I know what I need.  Letting go of that fear is what will allow me to stand confidently in who I am.   

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.