Today I am grateful for the infinite patience of the universe/source.  I haven’t shared much of my views on faith.  The truth is it’s an important topic to me but it’s also very touchy. I was the only one in my immediate family (aside from my father) who didn’t go to Catholic school or regularly attend church.  The times I did go to church, I would often feel judged by the people—not in my belief, not in what I consider my higher power, but the people there.  I used to go with my grandmother on the days she watched me early in the morning and I could see her doing the work, not because she believed in it, but because she was afraid.  She wanted the peace, but it wasn’t there—she was afraid to trust.  My grandfather was an incredibly devout man—NEVER preachy in the slightest but the man moved with such assurance and peace in everything he did that it was clear he was confident in his connection with his creator.  I watched my grandfather die seemingly out of nowhere (in my mind) and it shook me to the core.  With that being said, I had a tumultuous relationship with belief and faith.  But as I’ve gotten older and been privileged to receive various miracles, I know something is there.  No matter how angry I get, I know that every time I’ve been that frustrated, something has happened to assure me again.  The universe has some divine order to it and I am grateful to continue to receive the signs that assure me it’s safe to trust and believe.   

Today I am grateful for signs.  Along with the patience of the universe come the signs I was talking about above.  I am one of those people who believes that the universe sends us signals and messages about the path we are on, assurance that we are ok or a reminder that we need to get back on the path.  We were at Costco the other day and I found a paperback copy of Dave Grohl’s book.  I’ve been wanting it for a long time but never got it so when I saw the paperback and the price, I decided to take it.  When we got in the car, I was apprehensive about having spent money so I scrolled through my phone while my husband drove.  I came across a funny cat meme where it said, “Dave Grohl’s Cat.” My jaw hit the floor.  It was within seconds, no longer than minutes from when I had had the thought.  I took that as a clear indicator that I was meant to have that book and that everything will work out financially.

Today I am grateful for next steps.  It has taken me a really long time to come to terms with a decision I’ve had to make at my 9-5.  I’ve been open about not being happy in that environment for a long time but it has been difficult to make the decision to leave because I’ve been there for 18 years.  That’s a long time to repeat the patterns and a long time to put up with crap that won’t change—and in some instances will get worse.  There is too much contradiction in the corporate world.  Telling us we need to cut back labor costs while spending millions on other projects, and spending an insane amount of money on holiday treats.  There is also such a constant level of low-lying tension that it makes it difficult to operate on a day to day basis because you never know what is needed at any given moment.  Things happen in their own time and for good reason.  An opportunity came my way and instead of shooing it away, I moved toward it.  It’s time to move toward the life I want and release the past.  It’s time to let go of what held me back—that’s like living two lives again.  So, I’ve taken the next steps and I gratefully wait on the will of the universe.

Today I am grateful for new choices.  We had a Costco spending day as I mentioned above.  My husband went a little crazier than I did and I know I was stressed about how much he was spending.  I had a few things I needed help with and I thought the priority should be on those but he decided to move forward with what he felt was important.  My normal routine would be to spout some sarcastic comment to dig at him or to yell.  Full transparency, I really wanted to.  But I didn’t.  I held my tongue and decided that the way forward would be to continue walking through.  Focus on the goal and not where we are at.  Believe that all is well and we are right where we need to be.  He didn’t say a word but I know he was waiting for me to freak out.  It’s time I stop freaking myself out and just live.  All is well and I made the choice to keep the peace in that moment rather than spoil it. 

Today I am grateful for family. Specifically the family we make/choose.  I’ve shared several stories about difficulties my husband and I have had with forming relationships with other couples.  We’ve formed a very close relationship with several couples and it has been incredible.  These are people who truly understand us.  They have been dealt a hand and it has made them resilient and level and capable of dealing with any of the day to day stuff that would freak me out.  The support they offer is amazing and it is such a feeling of safety and love with them.  It’s something I love to reciprocate.  There is something so nice about caring for those who love us.  I know that I couldn’t get through most of my days without their help or the knowledge that they are there for me, that I am accepted as I am, that I am understood.  I am grateful to feel at home in my skin and with them and in our homes 😊

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.