These discussions on optimal function wouldn’t be complete without addressing the mind a bit more.  We need ways to address some of the mental causes of our physical manifestations.  I was always intimidated by meditation because my ADHD doesn’t let me focus much on a good day, let alone when I want to try to intentionally slow down my thought process.  I also had this vision that meditation required sitting quietly with absolutely no thought going through my mind.  That’s an impossibility even on a day when I’m focused—I’m not exaggerating when I say I have at least 10 trains of thought going at different speeds in different directions, sometimes on the same track at all times.  Doing this work of finding who I am and becoming a the version of myself that I want to be, who I am meant to be has meant redefining a lot of what I considered normal for myself.  That includes definitions of how to take care of myself.  I knew for a long time that I needed to do something to get in touch with my body and to be able to slow down the thoughts that ran out of control through my mind.  I was recently told that meditation is anything—and that became a game changer for me.

Meditation is a matter of how we connect with ourselves in the present. It doesn’t have to be this imagined state of anything, we just need to be.  Now, anxiety, ADHD, people-pleasing, and any other response that involves reacting to the outside world keeps us as far from “being” anything as we can be.  So “being” ourselves can seem a pretty lofty goal.  That’s why I liked the first part of this new definition: meditation is a matter of how we connect with ourselves in the present.  Even if it’s only for a few seconds, we all have the ability to pause and at least take a deeper breath than what we have.  We all have the ability to stand up from our desks and stretch.  Yes, it’s even those simple moments that are meditative—we’ve felt our body in the present moment and we address the need.  It can be getting up and going for a walk.  It’s listening to the desire to put our bare feet on the ground outside or the desire for a nourishing meal. It can be reading a particular book we’ve been wanting to.  It can be writing a thought as it comes to mind.  The idea that all of these things were meditative took an immense load of pressure off of me.

There needs to be a willingness to see how we can change and a willingness to actually change.  It’s like I said yesterday: it can’t be done on thought alone. Thought and feeling are the impetus but they mean nothing without action and follow through.  Change can be as simple as learning to slow down and connect with self. It can be as grand as altering our entire physical being.  It can be as freeing as stepping up and taking charge of our futures, deciding to become who we want to be.  I mention this because it is important to have a sense of connection and control with the mind because that is the biggest determining factor in how we feel.  The mind sets the tone for what we bring into our lives and what we put out in the world—and they are 100% related.  If we take away anything from these pieces over the last few days it’s this: take the time to connect with self.  It doesn’t have to be with the intention of doing anything other than checking in to see where we are actually at.  To get an honest feeling.  Taking that small step can set things in motion in ways that will impact us forever.  Take the time to simply connect.    

Today I am grateful timing.  I’ve never held in in that I have a difficult relationship with time.  I always feared that time was running out somehow, that I would never have enough.  But I see how in the rush to have more time and fit more in, we deplete the energy we have and we ultimately expending more time than we would have had we just done the thing.  This isn’t about control—thinking things need to be done in a certain way at a certain time is a human control thing, wanting it to go our way.  When we simply align and do, the universe reveals over and over again how easy things can be.  Our relationship with time doesn’t need to be anything other than what it is: living in the moment.  When we live aligned with who we are meant to be, we see that moment extends infinitely.  We can do a lot with infinity as long as we embrace the power of being with joy, peace, and gratitude.  I am grateful to let go and allow.

Today I am grateful for bravery.  I’m working on a large project and I’ve hit a patch where I have decisions to make.  This project is about me and my work, fulfilling my purpose but it involved digging in the trenches of some truly difficult moments in my life, not just my own but the people closest to me.  I think I have some underlying fears about how this will shift people’s perceptions of me.  I know I have fears about how it will shift my relationships.  I also know that for my purposes, I need to share these stories.  I’ve gotten to the point of simply breaking them out and writing them down.  The truth is they happened.  I can’t change that and they had a profound impact on my life and this work is about how those moments change us.  It wouldn’t be my story without sharing all of it.  I’m proud of myself for being able to at least take the first step.

Today I am grateful for guidance.  I wouldn’t have taken the steps forward on sharing that story (albeit in private for now) had I not had a dream.  All of my grandparents are gone and I haven’t had a dream about them in some time.  The other day as I worked through deciding how to move forward with my work, I realized that it was sitting on me.  The energy was heavy and I couldn’t do more in that moment.  That night, I dreamt of 3 of my 4 grandparents.  Grandparents are a symbol of protection.  In this dream we ended up in some sort of basement/warehouse where things were leaking.  I took it to mean that it’s safe to go into the depths, things are leaky anyway.  Maybe getting to the full truth will shift things in a better way.  I will write more about that particular experience this week.

Today I am grateful for joy.  I am proud of myself for shifting and recognizing how much joy there is in the world.  This is a major part of my work regardless, so transitioning to feeling it on the regular is amazing.  It really can be as simple as a mindset shift.  I will be the broken record: I know simple isn’t easy.  But what we focus on is what we attract in our lives and that is 100% truth.  When we look for something we will find it.  So choose to look for joy.  Find it in the smallest of moments because life is made up of that recurring series of small moments.  They go fast.  I am joyful in finding moments to connect with now and appreciate what is.  I am joyful to embrace and bask in love.  I am joyful to take care of myself and understand how good it feels to be honored at the deepest level.  I am joyful to trust myself to follow this path.  I am joyful for everything that has come into my life.  I am joyful for all that is in my life.  I am joyful and open to all that is coming into my life. 

Today I am grateful to embrace who I am.  Part of the joy I feel is from discarding what doesn’t work for me.  I was afraid to do it for a long time because I didn’t know how to survive in the in-between: needing parts of the life I was living all while equally needing the parts that were trying to come in.  I’ve been dealing with an intense bout of bronchitis.  I have honestly felt fine for the most part, but it was lingering.  By the time the second week rolled around, I was at the doctors a second time for a new medicine regimen.  I started to struggle and I knew I needed to take some time off to heal.  Even though I felt mentally fine and even physically sound (except the breathing), I was still not right.  So I took the time.  I found so much of who I am.  The work I did flowed in a way I haven’t felt in a long time.  I was able to achieve so much I wanted to with what felt like no effort.  I cleaned and organized my office—it feels even more magical to me now.  I cleaned and organized my living room and the kitchen.  I feel so much more settled.  And I still had an immense amount of time to write, take short walks, do the laundry. There was not one moment that I wasn’t aligned and happy.  More will come on this as well.

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.

Gary Brecka discusses optimal body function often (listen to his podcast, The Ultimate Human).  He recently stated he thought 60% to 70% of people are walking around at about 50% of what their true norm should be.  What they feel on a daily basis is what they consider normal or even their best.  Most people don’t know what being optimal feels like.  Brecka further discusses that there are so many simple panels we can run to find and address the minor things that might be missing that keep us from our optimal level.  Once we find those missing pieces and start supplementing with something simple, we often say we feel amazing. In reality, on a chemical level, we are just at baseline—it’s not amazing, we feel normal.  Rather, we feel how we should feel when our bodies are functioning properly.  We live in deficiency for so long that we have accepted sub-performance as normal. This is key in following up on the idea that physical changes aren’t always a cognitive process.   

Now, I want to caveat that everyone’s baseline is a bit different.  We aren’t all meant to be at the exact same level all the time—there are sex, age, monthly, circadian, dietary requirements that will vary for each of us.  The point is that the levels that are explained as normal by our current medical field are often below what they should be.  Also, many of the tests that we need to determine the accurate levels in our system aren’t offered in regular lab panels so what we actually need to look at isn’t tested.  Current medical practice looks at averages and norms across people based on the most common illnesses and they create ranges based on the most typical levels seen in people with these conditions.  The tests don’t take into account the necessary individuality of people’s chemical composition.  For example, I know my TSH falls within accepted ranges but I still show symptoms with my thyroid.  That happens more often than not with a wide variety of illnesses.  The same deficiency or disease can look different in people.  We have to learn to recognize how we feel, what is normal for us, and most importantly, we need to be our own advocates.

I want to wrap this up by saying that the work of feeling better is layered and complex.  Social, interpersonal, spiritual, physical, emotional, environmental, financial, and personal responsibility all impact how we feel—and so much more.  If we choose to undertake any type of journey to improving how we feel and the results we get in life, we need to understand that there will never be one answer.  I strongly feel, however, that most of these things stem from one place: the feeling that something is off or that there is something more out there.  To feel better, we must be prepared to dive into all of these facets of our lives and do the work when we find something that doesn’t align.  These discussions on physical function the last few days are all reminders that feelings and thoughts manifest in the body.  We need to tap into our physical senses more, give up distraction, and do the work.  Most importantly, we need to learn to trust ourselves enough to follow our instincts and our feelings.  We need to trust the guidance we receive from our body and from our intuition.  The better we get at that, the better we feel.  It isn’t about being the best according to someone else or what comes back on paper—it’s about feeling and functioning the best we possibly can. 

I ended yesterday discussing the idea that we need body awareness to recognize when we are in a dysregulated state.  There is a slight misconception that those with anxiety are constantly high energy and unable to focus or that they wander aimlessly.  The truth is there is an entire array of behaviors that accompany anxiety.  Sometimes anxiety looks like hyperfixation on a task or it looks like laying on the couch.  It has nothing to do with focus—it’s making sure we get it perfect.  It has nothing to do with laziness—it’s that we are afraid to move or unsure what to do next.  Sometimes overwhelm manifests in being unable to respond instead of an exaggerated response.  As we address our body’s responses to this type of stimuli, it’s important to know what side we fall on and what our tendencies are.  The bottom line is that nervous system regulation is not a cognitive process.  It isn’t something we can think ourselves into.  That isn’t to say that our thought process isn’t vital to it, but it is to say that we can’t simply force ourselves to think better if we don’t actually feel better.

The beautiful thing about these exercises is that it does start with a thought/feeling that something isn’t quite right or that we want to feel different much like everything we’ve discussed about self-improvement.  They body tells us all the information we need to know about what we really feel.  We can say we are fine all we want to but the body feels and displays what we truly feel inside.  With that being said, when we see the disconnect between thought and feeling, that’s when we can begin the work of regulating the nervous system.  There are different ways we can address this: is there a physical component where we need to move our body more?  Is there a nutritional component where we need to nourish our body properly?  Is it a physical environmental thing with exposure to something we are sensitive to?  Or is it an environmental thing with the type of people around us?  Again, our body tells us exactly what we feel—we often feel the energy in an environment before we even engage with it.  I can’t emphasize enough the importance of being in touch with our bodies for that reason alone.  We have a biological computer/barometer that truly tells us everything we need to know about our health, healing, relationships, purpose, function, etc.  Taking care of that is the single most important thing we can do. Learning to tap into what it’s telling us is the next.

I don’t want people to walk away with the misconception that this is all about control.  Nervous system regulation is about understanding what we feel and how we want to feel so we are better able to function—and hopefully function at the optimal level.  Life is about joy, expression, purpose, and expansion and in order to all of those things we need to be at our best.  Being at our best requires honesty and awareness.  If we aren’t where we need to be, then we need to know how to adjust it.  And we can apply that to anything in our lives.  As I said earlier, we can’t simply force ourselves to feel better if we don’t actually feel better.  The fact that all of our systems are dependent on each other is a greater indicator of why we need to be in touch with ourselves physically.  We need to know our limits, when to push them, when to develop them, and when to respect them.  Managing anxiety isn’t about pretending it doesn’t exist, it’s about understanding how we respond to the world and if any of those responses are necessary.  Allow the work of regulating ourselves to come naturally.  Follow what the body is saying it needs—quite literally get out of the mind and into the body.  That’s when things start to change.    

“Nervous system dysregulation is the root cause of anxiety, burnout, overwhelm, and many chronic conditions,” Dr. Linnea.  At the end of the day, anxiety is a dysfunction of the nervous system.  It is the body’s response to perceived fear in a heightened, and sustained way.  This has always been a chicken or egg thing for me because any issue with the nervous system sets the groundwork for the above mentioned issues, however, if we find ourselves in burnout, overwhelm, or if we suffer a chronic condition, the nervous system will adapt to that stimuli and create anxiety.  Regardless of which came first, any issue with the nervous system has a huge impact on the entire body system.  Nothing in the body operates in isolation.  To be clear, we all have moments of overwhelm and we may even verge on burnout.  The difference is when these become sustained/chronic.  As I said, the body is highly adaptive and if the mind thinks we are in constant danger of some kind because we are constantly sending stress signals to the brain, the brain will change its pattern and stay on high alert all the time—this is the complete opposite of where we want to be.      

The body truly doesn’t like anything away from homeostasis (internal balance), and that goes for our nervous system as well.  If the body isn’t able to get back to baseline, we will feel overwhelmed and anxious.  The more sensitive we are, the more chances we have to develop dysregulation because we aren’t trained to deal with that type of stimuli and our cells literally can’t keep up with that type of processing.  Amazingly, we are still trained that this is our fault.  We blame our bodies for doing exactly what they are biologically meant to do to keep us safe.  The fact that we become dysregulated in a society with the level of pressure, distraction, disconnection, and tension we face on a daily basis is truly not a surprise.  More people suffer from this than we let on.  Think about the low-level anxiety cases we see, those who need to have a drink a night after work to calm down, or those who stress eat or watch too much TV.  Those behaviors are all coping mechanisms as well.  So, to that point, while the cause may not be our fault, the cure is our responsibility.  We have an obligation to recognize our patterns and that the response needs to be changed.

For me the idea that it was my responsibility and that I could change things gave me some hope.  For a while I had thought my overwhelm/anxiety baseline was the norm.  I knew it didn’t feel right but I genuinely believed that I couldn’t do anything about it.  I considered it my personality/my make-up.  I didn’t realize it was a dysregulation, I thought I was just wired more sensitively—like someone who has a stronger response to caffeine than others.  It didn’t dawn on me until much later that a hair-trigger response to a potential slight was too much—and also that it took a lot of energy.  Understanding that this response to all of the stimuli in the world can be adjusted gives those who deal with anxiety, burnout, and overwhelm a sense of power.  Ultimately when we feel these things that put us in a dysregulated state, we are out of control.  We are subject to whatever we feel in the moment and no one is meant to run that range of emotion for an extended period of time. When we feel dysregulated, when we are looking to others or outside things to make us feel better, pause.  Breathe.  Ask if this is how we want to feel.  If not, take the steps to move closer to how we do want to feel.  As that becomes the norm, we will have a better sense of baseline and we can respond to dysregulation faster.  Body awareness is key.  

Continuing our discussion on relationships, let’s talk the fawn response.  I briefly touched on people-pleasing yesterday and how the fear of losing people becomes greater than the fear of abandoning self.  This can lead to fawning, the strategy is to fawn, to make ourselves more appealing to the person by staying as a people pleaser.  We people please to avoid conflict and  to feel safe.  At the cellular/physical level, the nervous system sees a threat (losing someone).  In response, we feel we must forget our needs, rights, preferences, and boundaries to get acceptance in a relationship.  As discussed yesterday, the thought of being abandoned is the main fear of people-pleasers and the fawn response is the extreme end of trying to resolve perceived rejection from someone the person cares about.  Often we fall into it without even knowing it because we are trying to fight the extreme fear of being alone.  Like any behavior around people-pleasing, we don’t know how to honor who we are and we feel like doing so isn’t allowed.  In some cases, the individual on the other side of the relationship will enforce that belief by creating scenarios where the people-pleaser will do what the other person wants.

I share this because there are times we don’t recognize this behavior in ourselves.  Sometimes we feel like we are simply being nice or that the person may be right.  There are moments when that is true, where we all mis-step to some degree and we must apologize.  When we look at our pattern of behavior and if our constant response is to fawn, to give in, or submit to someone else, then we need to consider the context and content of that relationship.  If that behavior extends to others in different environments (family, friends, work, etc.) then we need to consider the context and content of our relationship to ourselves.  Outside of when it is absolutely necessary (again we all have moments of mis-step), we need to remember we are all worthy of our opinions and validation of self.  I’m referencing legitimate expression, not perceived rights to some behavior or belief.  The bottom line is that in order to have healthy relationships with others, we need to have a healthy relationship with ourself first. 

We are social creatures, we do need relationships, but we don’t need a relationship with every single person we encounter.  That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be kind and we don’t need to actively look for reasons to disagree/fight.  What it means is that we are allowed to have respect for others even if we don’t agree with them and that means we are allowed to honor ourselves as well—it’s mutual.  We don’t need a hierarchy and we need to understand that there is space for all of us.  A disagreement isn’t the end of the world, we can simply acknowledge it’s different and move on.  At the same time, a disagreement doesn’t have to mean the end of the relationship, and a good relationship allows for differences.  Again, there is no hierarchy and no one has to defer to the other—there is no fawning necessary.  Breaking these habits can be challenging because we feel it on the physical level and it is a very real response.  The more we understand it, the easier it is to shift our patterns and the more we can shift patterns, the closer we become to who we are as we learn what feels right.  We are all worthy of being exactly who we are, we are all worthy of respect.   

I want to continue this week talking about emotions and human function at the cellular level.  Humans have a complex relationship with emotions and I want to spend some time this week talking about different responses and expectations of the human state.  Fear is such an autonomic response that we often feel it before we can think it.  Truthfully that is the way of most emotions—we are more responsive than proactive when it comes to what we feel.  We are taught that we have to respond to something in a certain way rather than think we have a say in how we want to feel.  We are also trained that most people feel the same way about the same thing.  We discount experience and how that shapes our reactions to life.  What bothers some is not an issue for others and vice versa.  At the base level it makes sense: emotions are designed to give us a quick review of the situation and get us out of danger if needed.  Fear in particular is complex because there is a literal safety component to it so it’s easier to confuse what is necessary with fear because some fear IS necessary.

I often share my experience with anxiety and people pleasing but this becomes a key area of focus when we talk healing, self-improvement, self-care, and self-love.  We have to accept that we can’t spend our time making others happy if we ever want to find fulfillment and purpose in our lives.  The issue with people pleasers is they fear losing everyone/all support if they aren’t somehow everything to everyone all at once.  No one wants to be a lone and to a people pleaser there is the fear they will ALWAYS be alone because their worth is tied to the acceptance of others.  Learning to make ourselves the priority feels risky, honoring our needs feels selfish, and we don’t want to risk angering anyone because we don’t want to be alone.  It takes time to get in the habit of honoring self and the first step to that is understanding our relationship to ourselves better.  The relationship we have with ourselves is by far the most important one we will ever have—we are the only one we will spend our entire lives with.  The love I discussed yesterday also needs to apply to ourselves—we are never alone.

I spent so much time thinking fear was something to be conquered when my habits and thought patterns are what needed to be trained.  Instead of automatically thinking I’d be abandoned for expressing my authentic self, I needed to accept that there were pieces of me that needed to shared.  I had to believe it was more important to find joy in the truth of my expression than it was to abandon myself for the sake of someone who could always choose to leave for any reason anyway.  While we are social creatures and we need each other, our lives aren’t contingent on one single relationship.  There is strength in partnership, but that partnership is flawed if both parties aren’t operating from truth.  The point is also that fear leads us to believe things are going to be worse than what they are—the truth is the loss of self is greater than the loss of any person.  We don’t need to spend time fighting the emotion if we spend the time accepting who we are.  Also, there is nothing to fight if we embrace who we are.

A brief reminder that surprises can show us the truth about people.

I’ve been humbled lately.  I recently heard a statement about love and sex and how women will feel love when they have sex because of the chemical response while men will have the chemical response only if they feel love for someone. It made me rethink everything about my current and previous relationships.  It made me think about what love actually means to people.  I thought I knew all the answers, I was righteous in my beliefs, I thought I was owed it all by my partner because he had wronged me before.  None of that worked.  I realized that I spent so much time trying to control him and make him change into some version that showed me love in the exact way I wanted, that I never focused on my own growth.  I was still stuck as that 17 year old girl thinking she knew it all because she was top of her class.  I wanted to be in charge, I never wanted to get hurt again, I wanted my comeuppance and justice for what had been done to me.  all that did was keep me fixated on all the wrongs in my life.  That kept me in a state of who can do what for me. Who gives me the most, where can I get the most bang for my buck.  I mean, don’t get me wrong, I was absolutely a hard worker but it was almost always entirely self-serving.  Including in my relationship.  I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t some part of me that enjoyed being on top and calling the shots and making sure I got what I needed.  I didn’t realize how long I could hold onto a grudge until I really needed to look at my behavior. 

I needed to take some of my own advice and understand that people communicate and feel differently.  They express their love differently and they receive love differently.  I know I’ve spoken about love languages before but this is like other lessons where sometimes I need to practice what I preach.  I need to take a deeper look at my own behavior. Instead of how do I receive love, it’s also about how can I give love?  How can I give love to those closest to me instead of constantly wearing the armor that says they need to prove their love to me first?  How do I get past the previous hurt, the previous betrayal and understand that there is the possibility that they love me now?  I have learned that when we love ourselves, we understand what love is like from others.  So that begs the question, how do I love myself enough to understand that I am worthy of love as I am and that the right things will naturally come to me?  The right support, guidance, relationships, and purpose. 

I also had to learn that love does indeed show itself in different ways.  For me, partnership, spending time together and attacking problems/goals together is really important.  My partner really enjoys his autonomy, he enjoys receiving things that are meaningful.  The other day we went to a fun little discount shop and I found a chair that I really loved—like perfect for my reading nook.  I was purchasing a bunch of gifts for the holidays so I decided the chair would wait.  We realized that we had forgotten to purchase a $15 chair for our kid when we were there (I accidentally left it at the counter) so I told him we could go back and see if it was still there at some point during the week.  I came home on Monday and found the dream chair in my office.  I was floored.  That was the last thing I had expected—I thought we were going to go together (that partnership thing) because I didn’t want him to have to do it alone.  But finding that surprise when I came home demonstrated exactly how wonderful those type of surprises can be.  It made me realize I need to think outside the box for him and for all the people I love.  Love is also about recognizing what works for the other person, the things they enjoy, the nuances of what they say and what they don’t.  Love is so much more.  It is a two way street.  It is an understanding shared between two people as they are.         

Today I am grateful for gratitude.  I’ve had this low-grade sense of anxiety the last week, the sense that I was about to lose something.  It’s a pattern I have—things go well, I tend to get a little manic and perhaps spend too much, and then the fear of losing it all sets in.  I’ve also been having some issues at work (shocker) and I’ve been recovering from bronchitis/pneumonia so things aren’t totally stable at the moment.  In spite of all that, I haven’t felt BAD.  I haven’t felt the despair of fear that I normally do.  Instead, I looked around my home and I feel SO grateful that I have it.  I feel so grateful that I’ve been able to provide what I have for my family.  I am so grateful that I can still breathe, move, think.  I am grateful I have the gorgeous view of trees outside my window.  I am grateful that I am able to be there for my son.  I am grateful for what is coming in my life.  See, the fear of loss is real, but I’ve come to accept that there is a time for everything.  Sometimes the loss is simply the universe making way for something new.  Being grateful for the flow of this world is how we tap into that.  I am grateful.

Today I am grateful for release.  I mentioned above some of the stressors over the last few weeks and I am grateful to say that my responses to them have been different.  I don’t want to hold onto the fears that have held me back my entire life.  I don’t want to hold on to the thought patterns that aren’t even mine.  I don’t want to put unnecessary pressure on myself when I know in my heart that things have always turned out and they always will turn out.  It’s safe to let go. It’s ok to let go. It’s necessary to let go.  There is joy in release, not a loss of anything.  I don’t need to control it all.  I can accept it and go with it.  There is an enormous amount of relief in putting aside that which weighs us down.  The same things still trigger my mind and fear process, but they don’t linger like they used to.

Today I am grateful for a real emotional check.  I’ve had a “beef” for lack of a better term with an old friend for nearly 4 months now.  Yesterday of all days was the 11/11 portal and I tried my best to embody everything I want to be—letting go of fear, releasing old habits (and habits around fear), trying to have fun and be present.  In doing so, the family found ourselves on an adventure.  We ended up at a friends’ business nearly 45 minutes away after already being out for close to 3 hours in the morning.  When we got there, there was a familiar car in the lot but I figured we were so far away there was no way it could be the person we knew.  Sure as hell when we walked in, she was there working her side business.  I felt immediate irritation that she was there because we were having a great day and I was really not wanting to deal with anything that would potentially ruin that.  About an hour after we left, I felt like I was still off so I started digging.  I realized that I was jealous.  She was out there doing her thing while my stuff hasn’t taken off and I feel like I need to be doing more.  It’s true that I need to have more focus, but I was jealous that this venture seemed so easy for her.  I realized after a time it’s a good thing to see people in similar circumstances to what we want because we can be on that same wavelength.  I can attract the same success and opportunities.

Today I am grateful for a reminder that this is in my hands.  A follow up to the emotional check is that I have to remember what is within my control.  It isn’t my responsibility to make people feel a certain way, it’s my job to respect my boundaries and uphold them for others to respect as well.  The things I want still require work.  They still require effort and focus.  They require the correct effort.  That is all coming, I don’t fear that.  I just need the clarity for the next step.  I know that too will come, I just have to trust.  Trust self, trust the plan.  I have a say in what comes next.  What we send out to the universe is what we get back.  I’m happy to be in the same energy of entrepreneurs, I’m happy to share what I know, share my story, I’m happy to help others how I can.  I want to be the type of person who gives without expectation or fear.  In order to be that person, I need to be that person.  I can attract more by starting to give now.  The reality I’m looking for is just on the other side of this little bit of lasting fear. 

Today I am grateful for the infinite reminder of support and options in my life.  I tend to isolate a lot, mainly because I don’t like feeling like I have to maintain a constant show/façade in front of people.  I also like to think that I can figure most things out.  I am always a success in progress and that means I need to know when I can’t do it on my own.  There are people with more experience, there are people who have a different perspective, there are people who need to figure it out at the same time.  Even when I’m not feeling the greatest, there are still people who care about me and have their arms open.  I’m also grateful to remember that none of this is permanent.  There are a multitude of solutions to all the circumstances I find myself in.  I don’t need to settle or stick with anything that doesn’t align.  There are people who will help with that shift.  Even at my lowest, no matter how scary a bottom I can imagine, there are people in my life who will not let me sink.  That support means the world.

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.

“You have to go out of your mind to find yourself,” JR Ridinger.  As I’ve been working on these pieces today, I’ve had several signs pointing to silence.  We tend to be uncomfortable with silence—I think on some level we are afraid of what we will find there.  I know for some it’s a matter of boredom or they don’t see the value in it.  But the truth is, silence is a gateway.  In a society that encourages us to go and be connected and be distracted all the time, connecting with the truth of who we are is becoming more and more elusive.  It’s becoming more and more challenging to find our voice in a world that is constantly suggesting we are less than or that we need to prove ourselves or our achievements are what determine our worth.  I want to caveat that and suggest that it isn’t all true all the time: we have at the same time an increasing awareness that something isn’t quite right, that we may be able to do something differently.  So while there are many distractions, there are also those who are standing against the norm.  These are the ones who already know the main point of this message: the answers we need are rarely outside of ourselves.  They may be outside the box for sure, but that answer truly lies within.  It often means less doing, and more listening, more feeling.

This is also a good PSA to avoid that overwhelm we spoke about yesterday.  I know that people often use busyness as a coping mechanism.  They feel that they are measured by how much they are doing and how much they produce.  The truth is our value comes from within.  If we settle the mind long enough to connect to the truth of who we are then we start to see that there are other ways that work for us better than anything people have told us to do so far.  This world is about creation and expansion, it is that simple.  Expansion doesn’t happen when we all live the same lives over and over.  We aren’t meant to be copies of each other.  We are meant to explore and share ideas and make space for something bigger.  We can only do that when we get in touch with the truth of who we are and support that version to break free and share that light.  We can literally go through life on autopilot thinking we are doing the right thing because it’s what others have done before us for countless generations.  Most of us feel some sort of emptiness at that.  I know I get frustrated wasting my days doing the same thing on repeat.  I also know that sitting here complaining about it or even simply thinking about it isn’t enough to change it—we must act on it.

Now, I know JR’s quote at the beginning is about more action and less introspection but I say we need both.  If we don’t take the time to find silence and connect with our purpose then we don’t know the steps we have to take to get out of the box.  We need to develop some sense of strength and a sense of vision and that means connecting with ourselves first.  Sometimes that does mean taking a leap and trying new things to figure out what works.  Sometimes it is a matter of sitting quietly and toying with the idea of something different.  Either way, we need to find what brings us closer to that purpose.  I do agree with JR that the proof is in the pudding so to speak and we need to move at some point.  We can’t sit in a constant state of contemplation and expect to get different results.  Only action can do that.  The point is that action begins with thinking something else, it means connecting with what feels right and then following it to the next level.  Once we know who we are, the action becomes effortless.  Take the journey, the leap into who we are.  Find it and hold onto it.  Allow ourselves to do that so we can fulfill our purpose and expand.  We create space for others to do the same.  That is the ultimate goal.