I’m a hoarder in the regard that I cling to the past.  I hold on to things to trigger the memory so I have a lot of “stuff” around.  I am a record keeper so that means I have everything from papers to outfits to toys to pictures to videos to games anything that happened during my life.  I also think on some level, I was so trained to have to defend myself that I wanted “evidence” of my version of things if I ever need it—but that’s as story for a different day.  It gets overwhelming at times because I’m trying to hold onto the old while making way for the new and sometimes that means things get lost in the shuffle.  I have good intentions of knowing where everything is but I inevitably forget.  The space runs out or my mental catalog gets full so I struggle to find things when I need them.  It was giving me anxiety to try and remember where everything is but it was also giving me anxiety to think about letting things go.  But as I do the work to integrate new patterns and behavior, I know I can no longer hold onto my entire lifetime.  I still have a lifetime to go.  Also, full transparency, it was becoming annoying to look at everything. 

Part of what I’ve done during my time off has been reorganizing and gently moving through some of the stuff and evaluating its place in my life, in my space.  I’ve been through my kitchen where the flat surfaces collect everything. I’ve been through my office including my desk, my cubbies and storage areas, and even reorganized some books.  Things make more sense and it seems less overwhelming when the noise is removed and we have access to what we need.  It makes things so much simpler.  They say that our homes or workspaces represent our mindset—and frankly there was too much in both spaces in my world.  It was so much I literally couldn’t keep track and I was spending too much time devising systems to remember.  So, the value of decluttering is taking the weight off of the mind.  We have all the space and tools we need in this world, we just need to adjust it to where it belongs—that means moving it to its rightful spot even if it isn’t in our own home.  Clearing space creates clarity, removes anxiety, creates flow, and allows better use of time through creativity.  The more I remove or get where it belongs, the better it feels.  Decluttering is also valuable because of the power from decisive action.  There becomes less to think about and less to manage, especially in the stuff that doesn’t serve the day to day.

There is also something personally satisfying to be said about having everything that fits in our lives.  From the right size clothes, to spaces that represent who we are, to doing things that feel right, when it’s the right fit, there is a different level of ease and assurance in how we function.  I know I don’t want to waste time and energy, I don’t want to have to constantly manage my tracking systems, and I don’t want to spend time divided between the old and the new.  We can only last in the in-between for so long.  The past is a beautiful thing but the truth is, it is gone.  We can take the most important pieces of the experience with us, I’m not heartless and say get rid of everything.  But we can’t let those pieces continually define who we are, and when we can’t let go of the stuff from where we were, we are carrying the weight of things that no longer have a purpose where we are.  As I lovingly look at the things and take in the memories, I am utterly appreciative of where I am and what I have been through.  I am in awe that I get to live this life.  Part of me showing that appreciation is releasing the past so there is more room for this beautiful present. What can we release with love and joy and gratitude today?  What can we make room for?  Answer the question and let go to allow.