Today I am grateful for instinct.  As painful as certain things can be, I have always believed knowing the truth is the most important thing.  When we know the truth, we can at least make informed decisions.  It’s a shame that often the people who deceive us are often those closest to us, or those who have benefitted from us in some way.  It’s also convenient that we often find out the truth about these relationships when we stop the behavior that benefitted the other person and drained us.  But that is when we see true colors.  It’s also important to know that when our radar goes off that something isn’t right, we can trust it.  It’s key to trust it then. I’ve ignored my instincts only to have them be true, so I promised that wouldn’t happen again.  I’m grateful to begin that practice in earnest.

Today I am grateful for love.  Love for myself, love for my life, love for those closest to me.  I have always been a big feeler—I actually didn’t realize how out of control some of my emotions got.  I used to kind of assume everyone operated that way and I didn’t know how to not be that way.  I’ve learned that some emotions are quieter.  That doesn’t make them less real or less important.  Love isn’t always overt displays of affection or constantly saying, “I love you.”  Sometimes love is stubborn and it sticks around—especially when it’s hard.  It’s getting through the hard things together.  It’s taking care of each other even when we’re exhausted.  Sometimes it’s simply sitting together in silence, not solving anything, just being present. Sometimes it’s simply taking the time to love ourselves—self-care is so necessary.  I have moments when I fear that I’m not loved when things don’t always look how I feel they should.  But then I remember love isn’t one thing, it’s all things—actions, words, reminders, connection, space, trust, perseverance, belief, hope, and the courage to try again/keep going.  I’m happy to feel that all day.

Today I am grateful for joy.  I want to talk about the actual joy felt in the little things.  Laughing with a group of friends, kisses from my animals, the hug from my incredibly sweet and perceptive son, a look of understanding/sign of affection from my husband, the ability to work in my office (the fact I have a dream office), preparing delicious food with my own hands, cleaning my house, reading a really good book (ok, reading in general), creating…anything, playing games, in thinking about the future.  No matter how hard things get—and they do get hard—I have always felt joy in things like this.  Joy isn’t meant to be felt solely in the big moments—we can find joy every single day.  I used to feel like I had to dig deep to find joy until I realized I felt it when I was doing any of these things.  Those little things are the big things.  Life isn’t a series of repeated moments until the big things happen—it is the everyday that moves us along.  We can choose how we spend every day: believing in the magic of these moments or waiting for something else.  I choose to believe in magic.

Today I am grateful for health.  This is something to be grateful for at all times.  I used to think that moving our bodies was annoying because it was “so much effort.”  I never had a problem preparing healthy food, that I loved doing, but getting me to actually exercise was hit and miss and a lot of start and stop—ironically I always loved learning about the function of the body and admired how people kept themselves at optimal performance levels.  But then I’ve been witness to the aging process of people who haven’t taken care of themselves very well, as well as some of the things my friends struggle with and that has made me more ambitious to change habits.  I can’t say I was ever unhealthy, but I definitely didn’t have healthy habits.  As I’ve gotten older, I appreciate how much the body does and it only makes sense to do whatever we can to help it.  Health is a gift, not a chore. 

Today I am grateful for caring.  Sometimes the care we need comes from the most unexpected places.  And even if we take excellent care of ourselves, we can sometimes still need a little extra something and not really know it until we receive it.  I was having a rough day yesterday, feeling insecure, feeling a bit hurt by some behaviors from a friend.  I went about my day, had a little break down while getting things ready for the week, and then got it together.  A friend of ours came over and asked if we wanted to come over for dinner.  At first I was hesitant—I was exceptionally irritated by the day so I didn’t want to do anything to be honest, but we ended up going.  I’m glad I did.  It turned out to be exactly what I needed.  Good food and some laughter.  Earlier in the week this same person had asked how I was doing and when I answered, he asked how I was doing really.  Sometimes the people we’d least expect are the most perceptive. 

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.