A reminder to always trust your gut—follow your intuition.  I like to take my time to process things, to put them together methodically so have a more complete understanding of things that happen around me—and to try and figure out what may happen next.  It’s a mix of intuition and trauma and experience and learning all at the same time.  Regardless, I’ve spent the last week dealing with incredibly complex emotions surrounding something I spend a ton of my time doing, something that keeps me away from my child, my family, and my friends, and something that is always on my mind in the most stressful and unhealthy way.  I’ve known for a while that I was going to have to make a decision surrounding this environment and I had suspicions about things going on behind my back.  It’s complex because this environment currently provides something I need.  With that being said, this past week all of that was confirmed.  Every suspicion I had about people, their opinions, and dealings behind my back was confirmed with 100% certainty. 

I share this because I want to encourage people to always trust their instincts.  I don’t want people to cloud their beliefs and suspicions because they feel they have to do the right thing.  If something feels off, trust that it is off.  I’m not saying we have to jump to eliminate everything that doesn’t align with us 100%, but I’m saying it’s ok to make the analysis of what does and doesn’t fit, especially if it’s something we’ve been trying to make fit for a long time.  Our intuition is a powerful thing and it doesn’t steer us wrong.  Even if things look ok on the surface, we can still be triggered and that’s enough to make us question what’s going on below the surface.  People are very good at appearing a certain way and the longer they’ve worn a mask, the more they believe it’s who they are—so that makes it easier to convince others that’s who they are.  When you know, you know.  Never allow anyone to sway us from the truth.