I just want to send a reminder out there to those who get stuck in the nostalgia/guilt/shame spiral.  Or we get caught between wanting things to be a certain way and believing there is some sort of penance for what we did that unlocks the path forward.  Those feelings will never allow us to move forward because there will always be something more we feel we can do.  The truth is shame and guilt close us down, grace opens us up.  Our journeys aren’t perfect, they aren’t meant to be, but they are mean to be perfect for us so we can share the story with others and help them along their way.  We learn the lessons to share with others.  When we carry shame, the story gets skewed.  We either hide it completely and repress it or we try to make it the best version of events instead of taking in the actual lesson of what happened.  We make it about how we look instead of what we learned. 

When we have grace for who we are and for what happened we can learn the lesson.  We don’t assign a label of good or bad to what happened, we acknowledge it, integrate it, and move forward.  If we are more preoccupied with how we look than on learning what we are meant to, we will be stuck in the loop of searching for people’s approval.  We will never move forward because we are waiting for someone’s permission in the form that we are good enough before doing what we want to do.  it’s a waste of time to wait for someone else to tell us we are good enough because there will always be someone who has an opinion that tends toward the negative.  So, learn to accept with grace, learn to view things with grace, learn to embrace our humanity with grace and understand that all of the things we experience are part of our journey and meant to help us along the way.  They are guideposts to how we want to feel and how to make that feeling happen.  Take it for what it is and don’t assign an emotion to it.

Grace is also the ability to allow things to be how they are.  Accepting how they are and not wishing for them to be what they are not. It’s also allowing ourselves to admit who we are and what we want—what feels good to us.  Trying to be what we are not rarely works for long and sometimes we experience guilt or shame for not being perfect at what we think we should be.  Instead of feeling guilt, learn to ask if this is aligned with who we truly are.  Ask if the guilt is purposeful and guiding us to correct a behavior or if it is purposeful in showing us who we truly are.  Allow the truth to sink in and don’t be ashamed of it.  We are meant to share our gifts, not be a replica of each other.  Don’t worry about how it was or about finding a way to do it better—ask for a way to be a better version of who we are.  That is true grace.  We are meant to be who we are.  Embrace it.