“Confidence means doing scary things.  Every time you don’t do them you’re telling yourself you can’t and that every inaction means you play small,” unknown.  This is an alchemy of the concepts we’ve been talking about the last two weeks.  Follow through, keeping our word, directing our thoughts, managing our energy, and keeping our focus.  When we stop following through on things or when we “let ourselves off the hook,” we set the precedent that we don’t have to complete tasks we don’t like.  As adults that’s entirely our prerogative.  We don’t need to finish anything we don’t want to.  But what does that do for the trajectory of our lives or our psyche?  If we don’t follow through we always have a way out and we learn to play the victim.  We don’t hold ourselves accountable and we never learn what we can do.  We’ve put the lid on our own jar and we’ve convinced ourselves that we can only jump so high (that’s a reference to my flea talk from a while back). 

I know I was taught that confidence had a certain look to it, a certain behavior.  Like it was this nebulous idea of power over something or running the show but that’s only part of the picture.  Confidence is more about our ability to evaluate and handle situations.  It’s also about trusting ourselves to navigate and follow through on difficult situations.  That can be scary.  But when we do it and we make it through, we learn that it isn’t so scary after all.  We learn that we are capable of more than we thought we were and we train our brain in a new way.  Suddenly we see that we can do things we may not have thought possible before.  The more we do it, the more we are willing to try again.  The best part is that we learn more skills along the way so we become even more capable as we learn new things—which in turn builds more confidence. 

It isn’t just about confidence, it’s about building new neural pathways.  It’s about rewiring the brain and the simple fact is that we can only change who we are or achieve new goals by doing things we haven’t done before.  Confidence is about trying new things and pushing the limits around what we knew.  Confidence is stepping into the expansiveness of trying something new.  It’s also creating that expansiveness by trying something new.  The more we learn we are capable, the world gets bigger with new opportunity.  Don’t limit ourselves. Yes, trying new things can be scary but once we see we can do them, the next new thing isn’t as scary.  We are capable of so much more than we tell ourselves.  Our power doesn’t come from pushing other people, it comes from understanding ourselves and putting our words and thoughts into action.  Power comes from trusting ourselves and managing our thoughts.  Power and confidence come from breaking our limits.  Don’t play small because the only limits we have are in our minds.  Do the scary things and follow through.  Watch life change. 

“Thinking about what you think about is crucial in life.  Your thoughts are the beginning and ending of anything and everything in your life.  You’ve got to develop a process for assessing what you are thinking about all the time so that you can develop the skill of…using the present moment to create a better future for yourself or experience the present with higher intentionality instead of using the mind for negative thoughts…or wishing the future was different.  See that drifting into those thoughts is where you get in trouble,” Rob Dyrdek.  Simply said, we get to choose our thoughts.  This might be a new concept for some of you, especially my fellow ADD people pleasers.  Often the world seems to move pretty quickly so the idea of controlling let alone choosing our thoughts takes a little more effort.  But this is an amazing exercise in slowing things down.  We can’t choose our thoughts if our minds are spinning too fast to grasp on to any of them.   

 I’m an overly anxious preparer most of the time so that coupled with ADD is a perfect storm of swirling thoughts that move faster than I can follow them.  In general, it’s hard to control our thoughts at times because we have constant stimulation and distraction.  Also, our brains are wired to follow the path of least resistance so the thoughts we think the most are the thoughts that continue to pop up.  With multiple forms of constant stimuli, we are essentially fed our thoughts in so many ways that we are out of practice with slowing down to consider, really think, or choose what comes next.  But when we take Dyrdek’s words and put them into a bigger concept, it changes the game.  If we don’t think about where are thoughts are going, how are we going to get them where we need them to be?  How can we achieve a goal if we are consistently working on different things?  If we aren’t intentional with our time, how can we know if our actions are producing results toward our purpose?

I don’t claim this is an easy practice by any means—I’m not sure there’s anyone out there who would say it’s easy.  However, understanding the why behind the concept makes it easier to digest.  It’s simple, energy flows where focus goes; but we all know simple doesn’t mean easy.  With that being said, perhaps the goal simply needs to be that we are more intent on listening to where our thoughts go.  When we become more intentional and understand what our thoughts are, we can more easily guide them when needed.  Breaking patterns becomes the goal and learning to change even one negative thought can change the course.  We aren’t going to rewire our entire mind in one day, one night, one week, one month, and maybe not even in a year for somethings.  We are talking about breaking down lifetimes of thought patterns in some cases.  But having the intention to break those thought patterns will be enough to start us on the path of recognizing where we need to adjust those thoughts.  Thinking about what we think about puts us on the path of thinking about where we want to go—and intentionality is how we get there.  Change our thoughts, change our course.  It all starts with the mind.             

A reminder on keeping our word because energy flows both ways.  The universe expects us to keep our word too.  Last week we talked a lot about trusting ourselves and we learn to trust ourselves through honesty and through keeping our word.  We establish the credibility of follow through and we know that we can do anything we say.  I’ve struggled in pity land for a few days now because I’ve been waiting for a particular outcome to come through and I’ve been waiting for a significant amount of time for this.  I’ve constantly heard encouragement that it’s coming and to keep my expectations high but I have yet to see this “promised” result.  It has become discouraging to not see the result.  That’s when this thought hit me.  I still need to keep my word even when it gets hard.  If I want to receive something then I need to be ready for it energetically as well as physically.  I need to keep my word no matter what is happening and continue to move forward. 

Energy speaks volumes.  It speaks louder than our thoughts alone.  Energy is determined by how we feel, yes, but it’s also determined by what we do.  When we do things in conflict, the universe doesn’t know how to respond.  So if we say we trust but then flinch back from challenges, that’s a mixed message.  The universal energy operates on clarity, consistency, and determination.  So if we build our lives on the concept that we get what we give, then that applies to our thoughts as well.  We can’t think one way and act another.  We can’t say we have faith that something will happen but keep running back to how it used to be.  That isn’t to say there aren’t times to play it safe, rather, as an overall energy, there comes a time when we put aside the fear and keep going anyway.  The universe speaks in energy, so we need to show that we’re keeping our word as well by continuing to follow through.

This is we get what we give on the most basic level as it applies to goal setting.  For example, you can’t lose any amount of weight if you don’t evaluate your intake and exercise habits.  We can’t say something and not take action and expect it to happen.  Jump in and commit to what we say we will.  It’s simply that the universe knows how to respond and what we are ready to receive based on how aligned our thoughts are with our actions.  The integrity, knowing who we are and acting from that place.  And sometimes even acting from who we want to be when we can’t quite see the result yet.  It isn’t always easy to have unwavering faith especially when the odds don’t’ seem to be in our favor or when things continually seem to fall apart.  It can be really difficult to pick up and keep going when things turn to rubble.  But knowing the goal and our purpose gives us the strength to keep moving forward.  That’s when the energy aligns.  That’s when the universe can deliver.

“Stay focused.  Don’t listen to anything.  What’s on your mind, just do it because what’s destined for you, you’re gonna get.”  This is a good follow up to yesterday’s piece.  The challenges we face are that noise, whether it’s from other people or the voice in our heads—that’s the noise we need to ignore.  We need to focus on the goal and know that when we work toward it and we keep that focus, it will happen.  This is about faith.  This is about real belief.  This is the hardest part of the game.  I struggle with it every day because that inner voice happens to be really loud for me—and really negative, especially about things that haven’t happened yet.  The voice and the old thought patterns are so deeply engrained that they can be really difficult to turn off.  The more we level up and the more we step into unknown territory with our growth, the louder those voices become.  So that devil we talked about yesterday often comes from within. 

It can be really hard to believe that we can move forward especially if we haven’t seen that level of success before.  I now I’ve struggled with the whole you’ll see it when you believe it concept.  I’m a pretty fact based girl so not a lot of my time was spent in faith so I wanted to see hard evidence that something existed or would happen before I believed—I needed to see it to believe it.  But what I’ve learned and what I know I need to practice is that those are the moments we need to have the most faith.  Don’t let anyone talk us out of our dreams, least of all ourselves.  Too many times we take ourselves out of the game before we even try.  We never learn what we are capable of if we don’t push ourselves to follow through and keep our promises—we talked about that a lot last week.

I haven’t learned anything new since yesterday about how to eliminate that devil except to have faith.  That and we can’t keep one foot on the other side of the fence and say we think it will happen.  That’s like resting on the edge and hoping the wind blows us to one side or the other.  The secret to faith is to dive in entirely and see what comes up.  I’ve always been afraid to swim but I know I’m not going to learn by standing with my feet on the ladder to the pool.  It’s the same concept here.  We won’t learn what we are capable of if we keep one foot tied to the old ways of thinking and doing.  Commit to learning and let go of the edge.  When we have that kind of belief, we learn to carry ourselves.  We learn to follow through and we build confidence learning things one step at a time.  Just remember to keep our eyes on the goal—let the noise fall away and the rest becomes easy.  Do the work and watch it come our way.   

Today I am grateful for inspiration.  There are moments when I think I have it all figured out.  Moments that I think I have it all under control and that I know exactly what to do next.  There are moments when I think I can do it all on my own, that I’m responsible for everything and that I will drive myself to do whatever I need to do next.  Not only have I learned that it’s unhealthy and not true to know everything about everything, it’s impossible—living that way is impossible.  There comes a point when I simply don’t have the energy to continue.  This is why we all need support.  We need those reminders, those people to push us past where we are stuck and to keep us going.  Sometimes we need people to remind us of our why because we’ve wound up on a track rather than moving forward.  My team is at their conference this weekend and I’ve been able to catch snippets of it—and it has been a great reminder to keep going, more than what I’ve been doing on my own.  The magic is on the other side of fear, create the reason to move.

Today I am grateful for decisions.  I’ve been frustrated with the lack of momentum in certain areas of my life for a while now.  I fell into victim mode, mainly because I couldn’t understand why things weren’t coming together.  Then I realized this is the essential pattern that I need to break.  I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and so frustrated when things don’t go how I anticipate they should and I need to learn to consistently adjust.  Minor inconveniences or even major setbacks don’t necessarily mean things aren’t meant to be—they may simply mean they aren’t meant to be in the present moment or that we have to approach it from a different angle.  Once we decide on that mindset, new opportunities are more apparent.  So much of what we have to do to gain clarity and momentum is to keep going.  I’ve stopped so close to the finish line many times and I’ve regretted it.  Don’t give up—keep moving.

Today I am grateful for support.  I had an interaction with my mom on Friday that left me feeling frustrated, drained, sad, and a little angry.  I’m also struggling with reconciling those feelings because she’s done these things that warrant those emotions all while helping in her own way.  I’ve felt fairly alone lately because my husband and I have a lot going on and he’s been working different hours than me so we haven’t been able to connect—in fact us losing touch with each other was one of my worries recently.  It’s been isolating.  Regardless, as I drove home after this interaction, all of the emotion hit me.  When I got home, my husband hugged me close and even rubbed my back for a while and the tears came fast.  It was exactly what I needed.  He understood I needed that understanding and affirmation of where I’m at right now and he gave it to me.  Sometimes that support comes when we least expect it and that is exactly when we need it—or at least I did.  I’m grateful for it.

Today I am grateful for action.  As frustrating as it can be, sometimes life gets us to a low point so we have no other option but to move a certain way—or to finally move at all in some cases.  For me, I’ve been working in circles for quite some time.  Always moving, always pushing the same pieces around the board and that type of movement can feel productive in the moment, but eventually we see we are in the same spot.  I’ve been in such a position lately, where it feels like the options are narrowing in regards to the things I actually want to do—so if I want to do them then I only have one way to go.  We can take action but we also must commit to that action.  Things don’t always turn out on the first or even the hundredth try, but we need to pivot each time and adapt.  It can feel like life is closing in when certain options are no longer available, but sometimes that is the key to finding what we need.  That’s when we move on it.

Today I am grateful for vision.  When we have a vision on how we want things to be, we need to act accordingly.  So applying action (as mentioned above) to that vision will ensure results.  Even if they aren’t the results we anticipated, those results show us what we need to do next.  When that vision is tied to our purpose, even better.  The clearer we see things the easier it is to make decisions and move in the direction we intend.  Sometimes the path toward the vision doesn’t look how we thought it would and that’s when it’s easiest to get derailed and think it means we aren’t meant to go in that direction.  I know that’s when I have given up numerous times.  I understand now that the vision I had wasn’t strong enough—because when we are really clear, we know how to pivot and keep things on the tracks even if it’s a detour.  When we are unclear, we tend to stop and jump to a new track altogether.  Results come from consistent action toward a goal, not from leaping from one thing to another.  I’m grateful for vision to keep me going and to remind me to move in spite of the fear. 

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.           

“Have faith and keep working on your dream.  Every level has a new devil,” Brett Portelli.  It’s easy to want to give up when we challenges come our way.  Not that it feels good to give up, but there comes a point of exhaustion when we know that we’ve fought to get where we are and that we don’t have anymore fight in us.  The mind and soul especially can’t take anymore—the hope and the loss, the drive and no follow through.  It’s confusing and painful.  But I heard this and it got me thinking.  I don’t understand why there’s always a test, a temptation to give up right when we’ve gotten close to our goals.  There seems to be one last wall or obstacle.  I’ve personally faced the wall dozens of times, and I know I’ve given up right as I got there.  I can’t say that the outcome I wanted would have come to fruition in the way I envisioned, but I know I’ve played that pattern on repeat where I was close enough to taste it and it didn’t happen. 

I think we need to understand the meat of the opening statement.  Regardless of the reason for these tests, we have to remember that these tests happen.  When we get close to what we want, we need to make the decisions that support that choice.  When we get close, we also need to understand that sometimes the result doesn’t look how we envisioned it.  Just because it looks different doesn’t mean it isn’t happening.  That is where we need to keep the faith.  We need to keep going.  We need to believe that no mater what, as long as we are true to our purpose and as long as we stay the course, what we desire and what we work for will come to us.  In those moments when it gets really dark, it can be tricky to keep the faith.  But that is the time when we need it the most.  We need to remember it and we need to light our way with unwavering belief.  It’s just a test. 

Challenges come no matter what we do in life.  Everyone has a battle they’re fighting.  Everyone has a goal they’re working toward.  Everyone has a dream.  Everyone is trying to get by and survive.  Everyone is trying to adapt to the way things are now—and the world changes so quickly we often don’t know who we are or we need to change it before we’ve even gotten used to the last version.  All of these are a new devil.  All of these things are designed to see what we really want or how serious we are about our dreams.  When those tests come, just remember to keep the faith and keep the focus.  Move forward with belief and trust in your dreams and in your ability to achieve your goals.

“When we recognize that we don’t know what we don’t know, that’s when wisdom starts,” Dritan Hodo.  How often in our days do we say things with a dismissive, “I know”?  Our immediate response to a conversation is often, “I know” when perhaps we really mean, “I Relate”.  We have mistaken relating for knowing someone else’s experience—and there is a time when similar feelings will exist, but we never have the exact same circumstance as someone else.  The players are different, we are different, and even if our emotional response is similar, we can’t KNOW what someone else is experiencing.  Look at how people react to similar stimuli, or people who have experienced trauma together.  They may respond similarly to certain things, but their actions after depend on who they are and what their previous experiences engrained in them.  They even remember the event differently. 

The point of wisdom is to share it.  We can’t develop our wisdom base, the things we know, without learning something new and there is absolutely something new to learn every day.  So many of us who create familiar routines find safety in knowing what’s coming—knowing isn’t necessarily about ego, it’s about preparation and protection.  The cases mentioned above where we demonstrate little time for others or patience to hear their point of view eliminates what could be valuable connections and the opportunity to learn what we didn’t know.  Everyone brings something to the table and sometimes we don’t know that until we hear them out.  We can’t listen if we already assume we know everything they are going to say. 

I think this also highlights the importance of language.  We have such a gift with our ability to communicate how we do—written, spoken, and body language.  All of the nuances create a way of relating that can truly bring us closer together.  On the other side, it can be as equally divisive.  So, as I mentioned above, sometimes we say what we don’t mean—it’s really important to understand what we actually mean.  We aren’t trying to create division between people, but the language changes the meaning.  Again, when we say, “I know,” we might really mean, “I relate.”  In that regard, we are opening the conversation to connection rather than one-upping someone or competing over who had it worse.  When we relate, we know we aren’t talking about one for one, we are talking about a similarity that opens the way to conversation and conversation is the gateway to learning.  Always be willing to learn because there is a lot that we don’t know what we don’t know.  Be open to it all. 

A reminder to always trust your gut—follow your intuition.  I like to take my time to process things, to put them together methodically so have a more complete understanding of things that happen around me—and to try and figure out what may happen next.  It’s a mix of intuition and trauma and experience and learning all at the same time.  Regardless, I’ve spent the last week dealing with incredibly complex emotions surrounding something I spend a ton of my time doing, something that keeps me away from my child, my family, and my friends, and something that is always on my mind in the most stressful and unhealthy way.  I’ve known for a while that I was going to have to make a decision surrounding this environment and I had suspicions about things going on behind my back.  It’s complex because this environment currently provides something I need.  With that being said, this past week all of that was confirmed.  Every suspicion I had about people, their opinions, and dealings behind my back was confirmed with 100% certainty. 

I share this because I want to encourage people to always trust their instincts.  I don’t want people to cloud their beliefs and suspicions because they feel they have to do the right thing.  If something feels off, trust that it is off.  I’m not saying we have to jump to eliminate everything that doesn’t align with us 100%, but I’m saying it’s ok to make the analysis of what does and doesn’t fit, especially if it’s something we’ve been trying to make fit for a long time.  Our intuition is a powerful thing and it doesn’t steer us wrong.  Even if things look ok on the surface, we can still be triggered and that’s enough to make us question what’s going on below the surface.  People are very good at appearing a certain way and the longer they’ve worn a mask, the more they believe it’s who they are—so that makes it easier to convince others that’s who they are.  When you know, you know.  Never allow anyone to sway us from the truth.

We are too quick to point fingers.  I found it really interesting sharing a common experience amongst all three of my teams last week and that was people placing erroneous blame on them.  I will fully admit by the end of the week I was beyond pissed.  In each circumstance my teams were able to support their decisions and show that they were not at fault.  For example, one team was accused of not returning calls creating low registration for an event. After reviewing the calls and telling the complainer that we documented the return call, they checked their phone and found the message.  They sent back an apology stating they missed the message that was there all along and it was “embarrassing for them”.  Another incident involved accusing an employee of shirking their job and sending a patient to the wrong department.  After we got the employee’s side of the story we discovered the patient was sent to the right place, they relayed the information erroneously to the other department.  I share these stories because it became quite apparent that a pattern is emerging: lack of responsibility.

The common issue with these experiences was that someone expected another person to take responsibility for their shortcoming or mistakes.  The event wasn’t receiving a lot of activity because the department didn’t advertise well.  The “incorrect” transfer was an angry patient who couldn’t be bothered to hear anything explained to them.  Instead of having the wherewithal to set these people straight, the recipient of the information automatically placed blame—and worse, my team approached me thinking my staff were at fault.  First of all, what a waste of time and energy.  Secondly, had we taken the time to examine the entire situation we may have seen what the real issue was.  Thirdly, instead of spending our time placing and assigning blame, we could have easily resolved the issue directly instead of wasting more time with an “investigation” as all notes were documented in all cases. 

The same can be said for us.  We are often quick to point the finger at other people for issues we have created in our own lives.  Ironically for people pleasers, we are also too quick to accept blame for others.  This isn’t necessarily about who is right or wrong, this is more about ownership and responsibility.  Too often we see things and our perception clouds the reality of it.  We all know that feels like crap when it’s done to us and we know on the surface that perception isn’t reality.  I truly wish we could stop people from behaving this way.  Reality is reality and facts cannot be changed so instead of searching to blame, search for the truth.  We may not always like it but that doesn’t change it.  And the greatest thing about the truth is, when it’s out there and everyone knows, we at least have a common ground to start from.  Seek truth, not blame.  

I refuse to subscribe to the belief that one must suffer in order for others to succeed.  It amazes me that business and people in general still operate like this.  Not that I’m perfect at letting things go, but we still try to foster some level of competition for no reason, behaving like there’s a finite amount of dreams or a finite amount of energy to fulfill those dreams.  When we realize how abundant this world is, the idea of competing for anything and the idea of power become ridiculous.  I will completely admit there is an equity disparity and not everyone has the access to resources required to foster this abundance now, but that doesn’t mean the abundance doesn’t exist.  We just need the means to distribute it.  Our way of being is pretty archaic for how advanced we are in some arenas.  That honestly pisses me off.  WE are still operating on an agenda that is nearly a millennia old, the idea that only the rich and powerful can succeed.  Look, I admit that having resources is an extremely comfortable thing, but we can do a lot more than we think we can with what we have.

I look at the created scarcity in this world, the created problems, the created competition, all of it sleight of hand to take attention away from what’s really happening and it infuriates me.  We learn to fight each other and ignore the common problem.  We foster the idea that when other people succeed, there is less for us.  We have been taught that we are dangerous.  The reality is we are dangerous both in number and in thought.  We outnumber the powers that exist by 100 to one and all it takes is one thought shared to the right people in the right way at the right time to awaken that realization in everyone.  There is no shortage of anything we require to exist.  There is only a manufactured shortage of what they tell us we need—and it’s all a distraction.  When we fight each other and not the problem, the problem still stirs the pot and causes issues.

I say let’s turn the tables.  Let’s create abundance instead of scarcity.  Let’s remember what we really need in this world: purpose, love, time well spent, joy, laughter.  All of those things create a network that will sustain itself because we come together to meet our basic needs.  It’s ridiculous to create an environment where we feel we have to fight over these resources when we waste them 90% of the time anyway.  Let’s refocus, reallocate, and come together to do this differently.  Let’s remember that my success is your success and your success is the next person’s success.  It’s like candles: one candle may not light up a room but one candle can light every other candle in the room.  Remember that success is a good thing and it’s a good thing for the collective.  One doesn’t have to sacrifice in order for another to gain.  We all gain.  Continue to fill our cups and let it flow to others.  That’s how it works.