Today I am grateful for love.  We attended a party on my brother’s property yesterday for an early July 4^th celebration.  There were a ton of people, many of whom don’t know each other but we are all connected to my brother somehow.  Seeing this group of people is truly a thing of beauty—even though some of us don’t know each other, we are still family in many ways.  We’ve known some of this group for upwards of four decades and some we’ve only known a few years—some we just met yesterday, but we all come together and we have a great time.  Hearing stories from my childhood, remembering all the times together, seeing everyone come together again is always such a gift.  Not everyone who usually attends was able to make it, and while it was sad, it makes us appreciate the time together that much more.  Love is an amazing thing and it transmutes everything. 

Today I am grateful for comfort in my own skin.  I’ve worked on self-esteem and becoming the truest version of myself for years.  Nothing ever felt quite right and I found myself falling into old habits more often than allowing my real self to come out.  But sometimes it only takes a second for things to change.  The time I’ve enjoyed away from work has been incredibly productive and has provided a significant amount of clarity.  I’ve had a certain level of discomfort at work for a long time now, and when I went back for a couple of days, I knew with everything in me that the time I’ve taken away and the things I’m focusing on now are exactly where I need to be and what I need to be doing.  Stepping in and immediately feeling all of the shame, ostracism, and fears showed me exactly how toxic the environment is—and they don’t even know it.  That’s not something I’m interested in fixing any longer.  I’m ready to move forward.

Today I am grateful for my son.  Being a parent is no joke—like, these little versions of ourselves know exactly what buttons to push from one second to the next and then they throw their little arms around you and suddenly all the anger and frustration goes away.  They can be sadistic little creatures at times.  In spite of (or maybe because of) all that, it is also one of the most rewarding things. Kids grow so damn fast and we spend so little time truly present with them that every moment I’m able to, I try to dive in with my kid.  He has taught me so much about where my focus needs to be and about what’s important.  It’s taken me several years with him to finally get it, but he has persisted with me.  I see that as much as I felt responsible for him, he has shown me what it means to really love and be aware of others and how to have fun and to explore creativity without shame.  Parenting is tough, but it is an amazing gift and I truly feel privileged to see this little human develop.

Today I am grateful for my body.  I’ve dedicated a ton of time to movement during my time away from work.  I can’t say I’ve stopped all my bad habits, but I can feel a significant difference in my body by incorporating so much movement.  We are truly not meant to sit behind desks as much as we do. We need to move and explore and appreciate what our bodies can do.  I am so grateful for how responsive my body is to movement and seeing how I’m helping myself.  I’m also grateful for the improvement I feel in my mind as well.  It’s amazing how we allow ourselves to wither away thinking it’s normal.  I personally want to become the best version of myself, and yes that requires changing more habits, but I am grateful that I’ve been able to recognize other areas I need to change so I can align with this new need in my mind and body.

Today I am grateful for connection.  I’ve always been one of those people who did it on my own—for a lot of reasons.  I still trend toward that habit, but as I’ve been stepping more comfortably and more completely into who I am, I’ve seen how important it is to have people.  It is so important to know how to connect with ourselves and others.  To learn and adapt to what works for us, to honor what works for us and to figure out a way to incorporate more of that connection into our lives.  For a long time I wanted everyone to like me and that left me searching for what I even liked about myself.  Now that I’ve gotten more clarity on that, I see the people who I genuinely connect with and those I don’t.  I also see the need for connection on different levels: spiritual, emotional, physical, and with humor, grace, and honesty.  It’s a beautiful thing, and this is a small world.  We have so much more in common than we think—all it takes is one conversation.

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.