We all need this short reminder today: The lion never apologizes for roaring, the wolf never apologizes for howling—never apologize for using our voices. Ego makes us want to silence others and there are times our own ego will silence us. We question what we know and we worry about how people will perceive us if they don’t understand what we are saying. Yes, there are cases where the ego can make us talk too much—there are always people who just want to hear the sound of their voice—but I’ve even learned to appreciate those people. Hearing the voice at least gives opportunity to discover what people really think or get to the root of it. Sometimes it takes people longer, more muddling, more words to get to the root of what they really feel and need to share. The point is, never be ashamed for using our voice. Learn to hone it and learn when to use it appropriately, and all the power you need comes. There is value in our voice. There is value in what we have to say. Using our voices appropriately and creating space for each other creates connection—but the connections we need, not the connections of convenience or the connections where we have to behave a certain way, but the connections with those who see us. Our voices make it clear who we are and allow us to be seen by those who need us, and who we need. Use our voices without shame and allow those connections to form.
I’ve known for a long time that something is off in several of my environments. Call it intuition or simply picking up on unhidden signals, but it’s pretty obvious that something isn’t right. Yet I keep going back because part of me needs that environment in the moment because I am not yet able to transition out. I get hopeful as I heal and believe I can handle the situation, thinking that I can react differently, or even feel differently, and then as soon as I get a bit closer in the circle, I’m right back where I started. If you want to stop the merry go round of emotions and feeling stuck, learn to trust your gut. This isn’t about being liked or accepted, this is about knowing what is right for us and doing that. There are some people who are not for us, and if we have that feeling for even a second, believe it. There are people who will make you believe they are your friends but they are out to destroy you. We aren’t for everyone and we aren’t meant to be. Learn to be ok with that.
I’ve come to the conclusion that most people never mentally age beyond their high school mentality because we are forced to choose who we are in high school. We continue to discount who we are in favor of what we were forced to choose. So the environment I’m in is a lot like that. Unhealthy communication, lots of ego, lots of attempting to outdo each other, LOTS of talking behind people’s backs. I know that I am on the outs with this group, for lack of a better way to explain it. They know nothing about what I actually do and they assume an awful lot about my capacity and what I “should” be doing. I know what they say and how they feel even if they don’t say it to me—I can read it all over them, I can feel it when we are together. A lot of people think that simply because they don’t say it, we don’t know it, but that isn’t true. As we have worked together, I’ve seen the behaviors repeating again and I am now at the point where I can no longer tolerate it. I don’t have the energy to prove anymore, or to make them see what I’m doing—I never should have had to.
I wrote a while back about environment, and our environment can make us sick. Sometimes people will do everything to make you believe you’re the problem when the reality is the environment is so off, the place and the people just aren’t for us. You can never truly heal in an environment that made you sick. We are allowed to see things differently and not everyone can come with us when we are on a different level. This isn’t about superiority, it’s about a different view. We have a vision for a reason and there are people who will simply never see what we do. See it anyway, trust it anyway. Don’t allow anyone to cut you down because they don’t share in the vision. If people start treating you as a burden or an option because you have a viewpoint that isn’t like there’s, that’s more than a red flag. Don’t ever forget that options are always available and we don’t need to stay where we got sick. Most importantly, if you KNOW something is off, don’t force it, and don’t try to appease—acknowledge and try to move on.
Today I am grateful for honesty. We all need radical honesty in our lives at some point. I’ve considered myself honest to a fault with myself because I’m the first one to point out my flaws at any turn. But I don’t’ think I’ve been honest about my abilities. I like to think I can do anything—and yes, there is a point where I can do it all, anyone can if they need to. But I have to admit that I’ve always felt this extra push to need to prove I can do it. I have been, at a minimum, disrespected/ignored/looked over, and at the extreme end, tortured most of my life because of the way I look. There is this automatic assumption that I can’t do it. I’m guilty for playing into that for things I didn’t want to do, but there comes a point where I don’t need to have to do anything extra to prove the point that I can do what anyone else can. I don’t need to put in the extra hours to show my effort if I’ve managed to get the work done in half the time. There is no point in going beyond when that effort is not rewarded, and perhaps that’s ego as well, but in my field that doesn’t go anywhere. Knowing when to put aside ego and being honest about when it IS ego is key.
Today I am grateful for healing. There comes a point in working with honesty and knowing what needs to change that the healing begins. I know this isn’t an overnight process, it’s something I’ve been working on for years, but knowing where I need to put in the effort matters. I’ve also noticed how cyclical it is. As soon as I think I have a hold on it, I feel like I’m dragged back to where I was. That could also be my ADHD to be fair—jumping from thing to thing before I’ve actually managed to finish a task. I’m grateful to shift perspective and understand what it means to actually take control. I’ve still been working on controlling external stuff, things I can do nothing about. Healing has nothing to do with control, it has everything to do with clarity. Shedding what we aren’t in favor of what we are. Healing is the letting go and allowing.
Today I am grateful for time. I have the upcoming week off work and I am thrilled. The overwhelm and busyness of my mind has gotten out of control, and even with new medication, I’ve felt like I’ve been spiraling. I need the time to think, the time to plan, the time to organize, the time to clean, the time to have fun, the time to dig deep, the time to figure out what I want to do next, the time to get really honest about what decisions I need to make moving forward to live the life I actually want to live. I don’t mean to be melodramatic, but the time is so important. I’ve had way too many irons in the fire and it has simply started to burn and consume me. It’s time to start prioritizing and taking aligned action consistently. Know who I am and do the things that that version of me does. Simply start doing. Let go of ego and let the old fall away, stop trying to be something that fits in multiple worlds. Become.
Today I am grateful for forgiving. I never realized how important forgiveness is on a healing journey, not just forgiving others, but forgiving myself. I didn’t exaggerate in the earlier gratitude that I’ve struggled with worth because of outside opinions all of my life. Truthfully, I always saw myself as capable regardless of what others thought, I just always had to work twice as hard to show it. That made me angry and resentful at every turn. I didn’t know any better because of the hurt I felt in those moments. I couldn’t understand how people didn’t see the truth of what I am simply because they couldn’t overlook my height. I hated myself for not being able to change that. I have to forgive that hatred I felt for me. I don’t know what it is, but there’s a reason I’m like this. I can refocus that energy on hating who I am and direct it toward becoming who I REALLY am. Forgiveness is healing.
Today I am grateful for generosity. We went to my son’s former teacher’s house as part of a garage sale this weekend. First of all, I have to say I completely am in awe and respect for the ingenuity, organization, creativity, and energy teachers have. This woman has been out of school for one week and she managed to pull together thousands of items she had and prepare them for this event—including signs and decorations and tents. She offered incredible discounts for her former students and to up and coming teachers for some amazing tools to help shape these kids. Teaching and helping people was evident in her core at this event. What a gift to have this woman in our lives.
Today I am grateful for connection. One of my employee’s family was struck by real tragedy this past week and she opened up to me about it. So many memories came up as my family experienced similar events, and I am so grateful for any support I was able to offer her. Hearing a human break is one of the most viscerally gut-wrenching things we can go through. Knowing how to hold people up at their lowest is a gift—not in the respect of “look at how strong I can be for you,” but in regards to the connection that comes from being human and knowing what that bottom feels like. As painful as it is, there are times we need to be reminded that there are moments all we need to do is be there for other people. We can’t fix it, we can’t make them heal, we can’t make them see what they aren’t ready to see, we can simply be present for them so they can lean on us and stand back up. It truly is a gift.
“It is getting harder to say yes to anything that is not a full body yes. If a pathway does not move your heart, call to your soul, make you giddy with excitement, it is feeling more difficult to commit yourself to it,” Ashmi Pathela. I have never agreed with something more viscerally than I have with this statement. It’s partially where I’m at in life, learning to lean toward the things that make me happy, the things that bring me joy, taking care of me in a way that is aligned with my soul rather than people pleasing. It’s also just a profound, simple truth. We consider it natural to sacrifice and do things we don’t actually want to do. We think it impolite to point out that we have differences from other people in regards to taste or how we want to spend our time. That diminishes our natural instincts. I’m not saying that we need to say yes to everything, I’m saying that we need to get in touch with that voice inside that tells us what we really like and what we really want to do.
There seems to be something in the air lately that makes this statement stick out. It’s getting harder and harder to find motivation to do work that serves no purpose. There was a time when we’d simply go about our routine and do what needed to be done. That was the point. Now it’s harder to do things that don’t matter on a personal level. There’s a reason for that. I think as we see more and more systems fall apart, the more we question what our purpose is, the more challenging it is to do anything that feels like it doesn’t fit. I also believe that is by design. As more fields are exposed that their operational design is to keep people on the hamster wheel, we see we don’t want to be treated like we only have one option in life, to keep that wheel going. We want to feel alive and be free of what we are told to want. We hone our instinct and realize what we need. Like we talked about this week, doing what makes us come alive is how we live. Why spend our time doing anything other than what we love?
Time is the most valuable resource we have and it should be filled with things that excite and energize us. We tend to our own desires over those around us. Again, I’m not saying to ignore others or not help others, I’m saying don’t sacrifice our own dreams and desires for the sake of helping others. We need to learn to respect each other enough that we don’t hold others accountable for our dreams. Our dreams are our responsibility and that’s why it’s so important to do the things that make us feel good and it’s equally important to allow others to respond to that as well. We aren’t all going to be on the same page all the time, and we aren’t all going to want to go after the same goal at the same time. We have no interest in competing for something that requires no competition in the first place. Simply lean into what feels right, the things that bring excitement in. Those are the things we need to be all in for, the things we need to spend our time working with. When we can’t do the same routine anymore, ask what brings that spark back. Go do that, and then find the next spark. Then continue. Soon our bodies and souls will be lit with the energy of doing what we love. DO THAT.
Work harder on yourself than you do your job. If you work hard at your job you can make a living. If you work hard on yourself you can make a fortune. I love this one because it speaks directly to the core of what we need to change. We’ve lived for millennia trying to secure a living doing things that make other people rich. We’ve lived by standards that were designed to keep classes in effect for the illusion of power over others. We thought it worked until we realized the extent of the damage that causes. We are told working gives us purpose but that is a lie. Working on our purpose is what creates value in our lives. We no longer live in an age where sacrifice is truly required by anyone, we just like to think that others have to suffer for our gain or that we need to fight each other for resources. Both are false. When we take the time to work on and with our inner path and find our purpose, all that external crap falls away and we find our needs are very different than what we were told. We question things like why we would devote our lives to someone else’s dreams.
That isn’t to say that dreams don’t align with other people and we can’t come together to focus on that cause, but the system we have in place where we work the majority of the time to make others rich is no longer enough for any of us. We realize it’s wrong and we also realize that this pie we’ve been told has a limited number of pieces is much larger than we thought. Or damn, that we can even bake our own pie if we need to. We still operate from a position of lack when there was a time of limited opportunity. In today’s age, things are limitless. We don’t need to sacrifice our time and energy for the sake of someone else any longer. We can change how we operate. So. When we take the time to connect with who we are and learn our path, when we decide to devote ourselves to that path, when we realize that our gift is meant to be shared with others, that is when we realize that the inward focus benefits not only us, but others as well. We were told to have a singular focus and the job would take care of us but that is not the case. We were told focusing on our goals and desires (those outside of what society prescribed) was selfish. That is also false. All of it is false.
See, the point of working on ourselves isn’t to be indulgent or selfish. It’s to learn who we are and to share that. Why do we feel the need to share anything of who we are with the world? Well, there are some people who simply like the attention but I’m not talking about that. But there are people whose experience resonates on a different level with others. They aren’t seen simply because they want to be seen, rather they are seen because they have some common ground that people resonate with. We are meant to give each other hope. We are meant to inspire creation in each other. Working on those skills matters. Jobs come and go, desires come and go, but our purpose remains constant. The point of a job is survival, the point of purpose is to thrive. We can have multiple purposes in life, that is true, but overall, we are meant to spend our time connecting with each other rather than having power over each other. Master who we are and the rest falls into place.
Social awkwardness was bestowed upon me as a young child—I know I’m not alone in this. I always tried to be older than I was to fit in with my siblings which made it challenging to make friends with kids my age. Not that I didn’t have friends, I managed to secure a great group of people who have been in my life for upwards of 30 years now. I just didn’t know how to relate to people on a superficial level. I still struggle with small talk to this day. I’m always ready to dive in and get deep with people. Not everyone is ready for that and I know it can turn some people off or even feel intrusive. For others, they simply aren’t ready to have those conversations. I think, like many of us, I’m trying to figure out a deeper meaning to it all and I’m overanalyzing people when I just need to relax. Journey and destination again.
With all of that being said, I have managed to find some people who I truly value as an adult. It’s a different thing to find people when we are older. It’s a fortunate thing to find someone we connect with and care about. Those people are gifts and meant to be in our lives to bring us to a different level. They are meant to help us work through things at different phases. For example, my son’s friend’s mom. My kid truly connected with her kid, and through their relationship, we’ve developed a new friendship. It was about the kids at first and as we’ve talked, we’ve learned a lot about each other and we have a connection now. And one thing I love about our generation is that when we learn to speak to each other from a place of real connection, we see that we all deal with the same shit. Our experiences, while they happen to us, are more human than personal. The more we can share, the more connection we have.
I’ve learned that it takes a lot of honesty to form those connections. Most of us still want to make it seem like we are a certain way or that we don’t struggle. Some people look at struggle as weakness when it’s an opportunity to come together to find a way to tackle things together. We’ve forgotten the value of cooperation. It can be hard to work with people who don’t share a common life experience as us because we each have different expectations of how to tackle and solve a problem. But the more we share with each other, the more we learn to see other options and other angles. My adult friendships have shown me that there are always ways to survive, there are always ways to get through. My own experience has taught me that I can survive things I didn’t think I could and that I have input for others as well. I value the friendships I’ve made as an adult because it seems there is an openness and less proving. It’s more connecting and that is what we all need: to be seen and accepted as we are.
There come a few points in life when we realize what we are doing or the environment we are in isn’t working any longer. The things that used to feel good or that we used to tolerate become painful and intolerable, seemingly overnight. This isn’t to say that where we are is bad, it’s just that we recognize it’s no longer a good fit for us. Similar to the lobster we talked about a few weeks ago, we outgrow both who we are and where we are. When there is limitation to expansion, we feel that discomfort. We are meant to use those signals as motivation to analyze where we are and make adjustments to the environment or ourselves. That realization can be scary. We spend a lot of time curating our lives and we do find a level of safety and comfort in what we build. Saying that those spaces we create for ourselves no longer fit feels like a threat. Like the lobster, we are soft without our shells, and that means we are vulnerable if we ever have to shed that shell. Plus, why would we want to leave a place we spent so much time perfecting?
That’s where most of us get stuck. We look at what we’ve done and fear what we need. Building an entire life based on who we are in one moment seems kind of pointless without understanding that we won’t be that version of ourselves forever. We have this expectation that we decide who we are at 18 and that we must be that forever. Some people are gifted enough that they know their identity at that age, but for most people, the prefrontal cortex is still developing until our late 20’s. That means we are still learning to identify ourselves until we are almost 30 years old. Plus the ability to make a decision at a young age and carry that into later life is becoming increasingly rare (ie you can’t choose one job and stay there for over 30 years any longer—no pensions, health insurance etc.). Things change too quickly to stay the same any longer. Technology has made it so finding any level of comfort in repetition is pointless because we have to adapt to any changes.
So getting back to environment, I felt my lobster moment several times this past week. In a conversation with my boss and again in a conversation with my husband. In both circumstances, I realized that I simply don’t fit in that environment any longer and it isn’t healthy to try and force myself to enjoy something that causes me frustration and pain. At work, I’m at the mercy of higher ranking individuals and I’m tired of living my life waiting for the axe to drop, often for things that have nothing to do with my performance. I’m also tired of leading from a place of control. Leading from the heart has resulted in a mess, and no one responds to control. With my husband, I drew a hard limit on a specific behavior because it is no longer serving him or our relationship. Certain patterns are no longer attractive to me and I know the stress they cause is completely unnecessary so I no longer accept that from my partner. In the former circumstance, my boss recognizes this and she started a more open dialogue about other options for me. In the latter, my husband acknowledged where the behavior is causing issues for him as well.
The point of all of this is to accept radical honesty from ourselves about how we feel, about letting go of fear and knowing when our shells are constraining us rather than allowing us to be who we are. Awareness and communication are key. Making any leap is vulnerable and that makes it scary. Those are the moments we have to decide we will do it anyway. Being who we are is what allows us to break the cycle and do something new. Our lives crave new, and they crave it in the vein of who we are, not who we’ve been, not in fulfilling the past of our parents, or not in the path society says will help us. Break the habits and break the cycle by honoring the gifts we have inside. Get honest and get aligned. When we are able to see ourselves for who we are, growth happens naturally and we don’t fear it. Allow the habits of who we are meant to be to fill our lives and soon we will be living that way. We will know how to live without a shell and to protect ourselves in other ways. Trust.
“If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth with save you. If you do not bring forth what is in you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you,” This is a beautiful reminder that we are here for a reason and that we need to fulfill our purpose. Without purpose, we suffer and we search and we wander looking for meaning. When we tap into our gifts and we learn to hone them and share them, we see life in a new way. New neural connections form in our brains whenever we learn to do something new, similar to how we form new connections with people when we meet. We aren’t meant to have the same programming and function the exact same way. We are meant to be creative and learn new ways of doing things and to share them with people. In terms of saving and destroying, I know that seems a bit much, but it is the truth.
Think about how we feel when we are doing something we enjoy. Now think about how we feel when we are doing something creative and aligned with that joy. We get in that zone, time slips away, and we feel a sense of accomplishment that invigorates us. When we stifle those instincts, we feel tired, angry, useless, and sad. Mental health issues in this country are some of the highest in the world. Some people are clinically depressed in that there are chemical or even structural issues with the brain that cause difficulty managing and regulating emotions. But there is another group of people who feel a similar level of depression and that comes from lack of fulfillment and a lack of proper outlet/expression of energy. Energy is meant to move and if we hold it stagnant, all sorts of things happen in our body and our mind. Quite literally, not doing what we are meant to do breaks us down.
Take the science out of it for a moment and trust the gut. Do we feel happy doing what we do? If the answer is no then we need to consider another path. Believing that we aren’t meant to be happy is in itself a disease. The ability to believe others over ourselves is a societal illness as well. Humans had great instincts. We literally fought predators and survived at one point. We harnessed elements and worked with nature. We survived. None of that would have happened if we didn’t know how to follow our guts. As the world evolved we lost touch with that level of instinct and no longer feel secure in identifying what we need to survive. We’ve mastered the physical part, now we need to master the mental/emotional part. Take the time to listen to what you know. Take the time to feel and also learn to develop context because emotion can be misleading. We have to see the truth in order to progress. The first step is knowing that what is calling us is meant for us and we are meant to bring that out. Don’t hide our gifts. Develop and share them.
My son’s last day of kindergarten was this past week. I did the mom thing with the pictures on the last day and then compared them to the first day. Seeing the growth in this child and witnessing both the passage of time and the development of a unique individual is bittersweet. I am so proud of him. He turned out to be capable in so many areas that he didn’t think he would be. He is a natural with numbers and he’s a performer and he has one of the kindest hearts I have witnessed. Seeing how quickly time moves makes me realize that I have zero control in this equation. I could hold him as a baby and he’d tag along wherever I went and now he shares every opinion he has about what he wants to do and he isn’t shy about it. He is super creative and he has taught me so much. Parenting is so much about learning and letting go of what we thought we knew. These little humans have it so much more in line than what we do.
I see these kids and how adept they are with play. Their ability to integrate the lessons they have with their natural desire to make it all a game. They have an inherent wisdom that we try to knock out of them, and the more I listen to their conversations, the more I want to stop doing that. I want to be present, as present as my son is, and enjoy where I’m at now. He has no shame in being in the moment and living fully. There is so much freedom in that and I see how he’s developing a better sense of self. He knows what he likes and what he doesn’t—and that doesn’t always align with what we have to do. Ever try to convince a kid to get out of the house in the morning when you’re on a schedule? Yeah, that’s a real humbling lesson in “it’s not about you anymore.” It used to drive me nuts but now I get it—learning takes time and, quite simply, it isn’t always about getting things done. It’s about living in the moment.
In this world, no matter what we do, time passes, kids grow up, we all face our time at the end. There is no reason to hold the wheel as tightly as we think we need to. There’s a time and place to set goals and do the work, but part of that work is keeping your options open and staying light-hearted enough to see the possibilities. That’s the wonder of being a kid: there are possibilities everywhere. It’s limitless. What happens to that level of imagination that we aren’t able to deviate from the same routine? How do we become so entrenched in crap we don’t even like doing? Spend some time with kids if you want to learn the purpose of life. Spend time with the elderly if you want to know the value of life. Learn to cultivate the good because those years that seemed to take forever will pass in a blink. Make the best of it.
Today I am grateful for witnessing my son’s milestones. He graduated from kindergarten this week (no ceremony), and I go into more detail about this tomorrow, but I am so grateful that I have been able to see these moments in my son’s life. It is so important to me and I know how the presence of myself and my husband matter to my son. It is such a cool thing, a privilege to be with him and see how happy he is, how proud he is of his accomplishments. I love being with my family and I know that needs to be a priority in my life. That is where I’m at now and that is what matters to me. My goal is to be there as much as possible and to not have to ask permission to be present in my son’s life.
Today I am grateful for friendship. I still see how I am lacking connection in a lot of ways. It amazes me how we find ourselves alone even when we reach out to people (I also talk more about this later this week). My son has a best friend and through him, my husband and I have made friends with his friend’s parents. I was able to spend some time with his mother today and I found myself thoroughly enjoying it, being in the moment, feeling supported and offering support, laughing together and recognizing where we are similar. That we have a common ground. I don’t prioritize my relationships as well as I should only because of how my time gets divided, but I don’t want that to be the case any longer. Spending that time together today was liberating and necessary.
Today I am grateful for home. I’m going through a lot of changes and working on establishing who I am and what I need and even what I want to do in this new life. There are a lot of things that feel like home. I have my physical house, I have my family, I have the people who I consider family. That is truly a blessed thing. Between anxiety and depression and ADHD, it feels like my world spins out of control and all too quickly sometimes so I struggle to find the anchors that hold me in place long enough to gather my bearings. Then there are times it feels if I let go of the anchor, even if I’m drowning, I will spin out of control. I’m working on finding that balance because I still consider myself lucky to have those things. I see that home is also a place inside of us. A grounding point. That is our foundation. I’ve become too many things at once with too many irons in the fire so the foundation feels choppy, but I am so grateful to have the things that bring me back to center. I am grateful for the people, especially the friends I consider family who let me spin out and are always willing to bring me back. They know me. I couldn’t do it without them.
Today I am grateful for cleaning. We have a new allergen in our house and we haven’t identified it yet. It has been a miserable two weeks between coughing, itchy/red/burning/oozy eyes, and inflamed sinuses. Today we are focusing on tackling this house together and scrubbing it from top to bottom trying to kill whatever we came into contact with. I know it’s a simple thing, but I am so grateful to have the ability to go after whatever we are harboring in this house. Plus I truly enjoy having some sense of organization. If I don’t know where stuff is, I frustrate really easily and tend to spin out into thinking it’s the end of the world and my brain doesn’t work right. Having things where I need them to be makes all the difference. Having it clean on top of organized is the cherry on top.
Today I am grateful for prayer and belief. We received news about a diagnosis for my sister this week. No one likes to hear that they are ill, that they have a disease. Especially someone who has put in major effort to take care of themselves their whole lives. Her diagnosis is the best of the worst case so I am putting faith in the fact that she has taken care of herself so well for so long that once this is taken care of, all will be well. I know that combined we are all praying and know she will be ok, this is just a hiccup. We are keeping the energy up for her sake and supporting her as much as we can. Life is the greatest gift we have and working together, connecting through prayer and belief, can be such a powerful thing to illuminate life. All is well.
Today I am grateful for self-love. I’m not 100% sure why this past week was so rough emotionally and focus-wise. Nothing made sense, I had to explain myself a thousand times (for things I’ve already explained), I’m reconciling health and wellness for myself, for my sister, for my family, my son is growing so fast, I’m trying to break patterns with my husband and myself, I’m trying to be fully who I am and lean toward what works for me/brings me joy, I’m trying to be a good friend to everyone. I went out of control emotionally, and reading that list back, I see why. I’m not a patient person even with new medication (that is truly helping), and I’m trying to cut every tie that feels like it’s holding me back at once and I’m trying to cling on to a million things that I still want to do. So moving into this next week, I’m going to try and practice more self-love and patience for myself so I recognize the outcome I want in any situation, more awareness of the moment, more clarity in my decisions, more confidence in stating those decisions and standing in my choices, and less worry about how what I need is received. I will honor my needs and it doesn’t matter if that is convenient for someone else. I have to believe all of this craziness will work out somehow. I will find my center and that will change everything.
The Intentional Dreamer 