I’ve known for a long time that something is off in several of my environments.  Call it intuition or simply picking up on unhidden signals, but it’s pretty obvious that something isn’t right. Yet I keep going back because part of me needs that environment in the moment because I am not yet able to transition out.  I get hopeful as I heal and believe I can handle the situation, thinking that I can react differently, or even feel differently, and then as soon as I get a bit closer in the circle, I’m right back where I started.  If you want to stop the merry go round of emotions and feeling stuck, learn to trust your gut.  This isn’t about being liked or accepted, this is about knowing what is right for us and doing that.  There are some people who are not for us, and if we have that feeling for even a second, believe it.  There are people who will make you believe they are your friends but they are out to destroy you.  We aren’t for everyone and we aren’t meant to be.  Learn to be ok with that.

I’ve come to the conclusion that most people never mentally age beyond their high school mentality because we are forced to choose who we are in high school.  We continue to discount who we are in favor of what we were forced to choose.  So the environment I’m in is a lot like that.  Unhealthy communication, lots of ego, lots of attempting to outdo each other, LOTS of talking behind people’s backs.  I know that I am on the outs with this group, for lack of a better way to explain it.  They know nothing about what I actually do and they assume an awful lot about my capacity and what I “should” be doing.  I know what they say and how they feel even if they don’t say it to me—I can read it all over them, I can feel it when we are together.  A lot of people think that simply because they don’t say it, we don’t know it, but that isn’t true.  As we have worked together, I’ve seen the behaviors repeating again and I am now at the point where I can no longer tolerate it.  I don’t have the energy to prove anymore, or to make them see what I’m doing—I never should have had to. 

I wrote a while back about environment, and our environment can make us sick.  Sometimes people will do everything to make you believe you’re the problem when the reality is the environment is so off, the place and the people just aren’t for us.  You can never truly heal in an environment that made you sick.  We are allowed to see things differently and not everyone can come with us when we are on a different level.  This isn’t about superiority, it’s about a different view.  We have a vision for a reason and there are people who will simply never see what we do.  See it anyway, trust it anyway.  Don’t allow anyone to cut you down because they don’t share in the vision.  If people start treating you as a burden or an option because you have a viewpoint that isn’t like there’s, that’s more than a red flag.  Don’t ever forget that options are always available and we don’t need to stay where we got sick.  Most importantly, if you KNOW something is off, don’t force it, and don’t try to appease—acknowledge and try to move on.