“It is worth everything to get out of autopilot, the limbo space, and journey back into our hearts.  When you have experienced glimpses of what it feels like to be fully connected with your soul, everything else (even when you think you feel good) can seem disconnected,” Ashmi Pathela.  The becoming of who we are meant to be is a beautiful journey.  Responding to the call and making choices and moves from our full authenticity is the most freeing experience in the universe.  This may mean approaching those limits we discussed yesterday, and that means going through anyway.  Once we stop doing things because we’ve always done them, opportunities present themselves.  The first step to eliminating any limiting beliefs we have is to identify them, but the first indicator that we have a limiting belief is when we hear our hearts tell us that we need to do something different. 

Our society glorifies the busy life, the time spent doing things that we feel obligated to do or the time we waste doing things to distract us from the things we don’t want to do.  There is little in between in the way of doing what we are called to do.    There is little in the way of identifying our own barriers and moving into something different.  There is little in the way of clarifying how we keep ourselves small because of what we were taught.  One of the most impactful things I saw was in high school and it was a sign that said, “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you always got.”  How can we move forward if we constantly go back to what we know, if we constantly live in the world of what people tell us to do?  We will never fulfill our purpose or ambition if we are focusing on the purpose and ambition of others.  The more we disconnect from ourselves, the more disconnected we are from each other—and the easier it is to lose our footing.  But when we connect to our soul, the guidance is different and we find new ways to do things that produce results in our lives. 

We are trained to fulfill the business and the busyness of life and told that is how life is, that we are supposed to spend our time this way.  If we ever want more, we have to trust that we have these feelings of something new for a reason.  The dreams we have are our own and we are meant to see them through.  We are meant to share our experiences with others.  When we truly connect to our soul and our purpose, those limiting beliefs we discussed yesterday mean very little.  We know we can trust what we feel in ourselves and we know we are being guided toward our purpose.  It is a completely liberating experience to connect with our purpose.  We build confidence in the follow through and that completely shatters the beliefs that keep us in place.  This means following our hearts and acting on what we know to be true for us.  When we can imagine something different, something better for ourselves, that is when we know opportunity is calling.  Follow that calling and watch that purpose unfold.  

I’m reading Gay Hendrick’s The Big Leap and the early chapters already break down and discuss the idea of how we limit ourselves.  For those who tend to make progress and then self-sabotage, or for those who have some success and then see it dwindle away, this book dives into those behaviors in order to move forward into a healthier state where we no longer question our worth.  The entire premise of a big leap is to be able to move forward out of the zones we are familiar with and into a zone of continual true abundance, love, flow, and contentment.  Hendricks discusses how we limit ourselves from feeling this state of abundance consistently because of our beliefs surrounding our worth and what we are allowed to do and feel.  This is the first book I’ve read where the breakdown on self-worth is broken down this efficiently and tied to our progress.

We’ve discussed limiting beliefs often here but probably not articulated as clearly as in Hendrick’s book.  I still like the analogy of limiting beliefs being akin to putting ourselves in boxes to be more palatable to others or because we don’t feel we are capable or worthy on some level to move forward into something long-term.  Hendricks explains that when we know no different, when we feel we are at our limit, when we get a taste of something else, we will do something to bring us back to where we are familiar because we don’t believe we are capable of sustaining, or worthy of feeling what we do.  When we don’t know what happens next or we are afraid of our ability to maintain, we will self-sabotage to go back to what we know regardless of wanting to move forward. This is considered an upper limit.

Worry is a huge indicator that we are creating limits on moving forward.  Spending time working in the what-if and searching for the different ways we can fail directs us toward that end: failure.  When we sit with our feelings and unpack the anxiety of the worry we feel, we start limiting that emotion rather than our possibilities.  When we take control of that worry, different opportunities become clear, or even if the wors case scenario happens, we still take the lesson and move forward.  There is only so much we can control and if we have done our part to mitigate those factors, then we must chalk up the rest as a lesson rather than destroy where we are to get back to what we know.  What we want is on the other side of what we know, and that in itself is a big leap.  More to come on this topic!        

“Every illusion must crumble when you awaken to who you are,” Ashmi Pathela.  This is the core of why people fear change.  In order to become who we are, we can no longer hold onto the ideas and illusions we created as who we were.  In order to move forward, we have to let go and step into the unknown.  We tell ourselves the stories we have been told.  The beliefs of our families, friends, teachers, religious organizations, work, games/sports, any belief we’ve been exposed to, seep into us every day and impact the beliefs we subscribe to.  It isn’t until we see the reality of who we are that we can move into the life we are meant to have, the life we want.  Becoming is an unbecoming as we’ve talked about, and part of that is also letting go of our own ego.  The illusion that we aren’t seeking an outcome for any reason other than our purpose has to go. This requires total honesty. Getting in touch with purpose isn’t the same as wanting things to go our way. 

We often hold the illusion that we need to be right.  The level of humility needed to move forward is unlike anything else.  People talk about giving it to God or some form of surrender, but the reality is, most people do that with the intention of getting something in return.  True letting go is just that: allowing whatever comes to come.  Understanding we have no control of the outcome.  I’ve often envied those who seem to have the ability to make exactly what they want happen, but I’ve also seen the amount of surrender these people have.  They operate differently.  The goal isn’t to be right, it’s to do what’s right.  We can’t do that if we are only concerned with our personal outcomes or if we are only looking at what impacts us individually. Life is a web and we are all very much connected and have a purpose that is for the greater good of all.  We are meant to share that.

In that regard, the other illusion we need to release is the illusion that we are not worthy to share what we know.  We are here for a purpose and that purpose is impactful whether it is to us as individuals, to our friends and family, and to the world.  Regardless of the immediate impact we see in our world, there is indeed a ripple effect because of that web I mentioned above. The messages we share resonate with one person and slowly make their way to others as that message is shared.  Once we know who we are and what we are capable of, these things no longer come into question, and it is certainly not ego.  We are living with total purpose.  Do not mistake confidence and assurance with ego.  Ego needs to be right where confidence and assurance open the door to learning and improving as we go.  Let go and know that we are worthy and that our honesty is what is going to pave the way.  Living under any other pretense holds us back.  While letting go of what we’ve used to protect us can be terrifying, it is simultaneously the most freeing thing we can do.  Let it go and open up to the wonder of what’s coming on the other side.  

Once you realize you can do it alone, you become a very powerful person.  Last week I spoke about trusting instinct and knowing when people aren’t for us.  This is true.  There are doorways we are meant to go through alone because the universe knows that certain people aren’t for us.  Certain situations aren’t for us.  Learning who we are and knowing what we can handle is key.  We can always handle more than we thought we could, and we often don’t know it until we are in the situation.  Knowing what we can do on our own is part of that.  It isn’t about being alone, it isn’t about isolating.  It’s about trusting our own wings and knowing our capabilities.  It’s about owning our power by not relying on others to give us that which we can do for ourselves.  Of course there are times we need help—but sometimes that help comes in the form of people disappointing us and letting us know that we are able to do it on our own. 

Many times the ability to find our strengths and do things on our own comes from the decision to do so.  Deciding is one of the most powerful tools we have.  We make the choice and our actions follow because we clarified what needs to be done.  So if we choose to see what we can do, what we are capable of, then it stands that we find our power.  The more clarity we can create in our lives, the more we tap into our power because we are eliminating the extraneous details.  We find the path we are meant for and the doors open.  There is little resistance in what we are meant to do but we are trained to feel like everything good needs to be a fight.  The truth is, the fact that there is ease doesn’t mean it’s easy.  We still need to put in the work, but the work that is done in flow feels different.  Think of pushing a cart up a hill without wheels.  Almost impossible.  But when we find the tools and create the wheels, things move a whole lot easier.  The best tool is to understand what we are capable of.  Creativity breeds more creativity, so the more we stretch that muscle, the easier it becomes and the more flow is introduced to life.

It also helps to understand that more than one thing can be true at once.  We can be both independent and still need help.  We can do it on our own and still need to learn.  We can rely on others until we learn to rely on ourselves.  Life is about balance.  The point is that we need to learn how to trust our own instincts.  Trust who we are and know when we need to wear the conductor hat and when we need to sit back and be the passenger.  The ability to stand on our own two feet makes it easier for us to be there for others and to step into who we truly are.  Decide it can be done and find the way to do it.  There are so many ways to own our power—and it isn’t about power over people, it’s about ownership of our own lives.  Believe in ourselves and we will always be shown the way.

I’ve spent the last week doing exactly what I need to do for me.  After hearing Betty Reid Soskin’s story, I realized that we can begin again and do what we need to do at any time.  Radical honesty with ourselves is what gets us where we are going.  Stop betraying our course by doing what we think we’re supposed to do.  I know every day when I wake up that I want to be working on my things—yet I stop and get ready for work.  Yes, there is a reason behind that (I like to eat and I like having a roof over my head), but what happens if I spent a little more time working on the things I wanted so I could do better for myself and my family?  What happens if I spent more time creating the life I wanted instead of dreaming about it?  Soon the dream becomes the reality and that new reality supports us.  Start over as many times as needed.  Start over.  IF it isn’t working, go where it is, create where it is.  The only person impacted or suffering if you aren’t willing to give up what isn’t working is you.  Be willing to recognize it isn’t working and start building what you need to as many times as necessary.

Life isn’t linear.  We think we choose these experiences and that is it, that we have one story to tell.  In reality, we become different people over and over again, as often as we need to.  We aren’t meant to paint ourselves into the corner so to speak by choosing what we are supposed to be come at 18 (or earlier) and defining the rest of our actions by the choice we made as a child.  Life is a web, and it’s made up of what we choose to do and be in any given moment.  The key is follow through.  It’s allowing ourselves to become who we need to be in order to become who we need to be so to speak.  Life becomes what we make it and life responds best when we live.  The living is in the creativity, the creation of who we are in any given moment.  There isn’t an ending because we put together the pieces of who we are over and over again until the picture becomes something tangible.  We can change the picture by changing the focus.  The simple version/lesson in this is don’t fear starting over.  Don’t fear what the moment tells us.  Learn to take the leap.  It’s there for a reason, and so many people are glad they did.  Their wings came out and they found who they are.  Life isn’t one thing, it was never meant to be.  It’s not always tidy and there isn’t always the answer we want or expect, but there are gifts in the unexpected.  Life comes in the bend and flex of the strokes we make.  It’s never one stroke.  Everything combined makes the picture.   

Today I am grateful for life.  Things change in the blink of an eye and it’s amazing how even if we are aware of this thought, we somehow always manage to forget it.  We continue about our routines as if that is what our life actually is, as if that will save us, as if that is all we are here for when, in reality, things can change forever.  It isn’t important what we accomplish and get done in a given day—we need to remember how we feel, how we make people feel, how we want to feel.  As sad as it is, you never know when we will see someone or speak with someone for the last time.  I’m not saying this to be morbid, I’m saying this to emphasize the importance of being aware of what we are doing and to take it in while we are there.  Stop rushing through life to get things done, to get to the next part.  All we have is now.  This is the part when we are alive and we will never be as old or as young as we are in this exact moment so experience what is, as it is and live.

Today I am grateful for reminders of presence.  We experienced a trauma in my home this past week and we are still reeling from it, still on edge.  In that moment, I will tell anyone that time stopped.  Nothing else in the world mattered except pulling through and surviving.  This is now a before and after moment with my family.  At this point, the only thing I can say for the moment is it brought my attention to something that very clearly needed to be addressed on my part and something that needs to be addressed on my husband’s part.  This isn’t something we can think our way out of—we need to work through this until we have the answer, and we can only do that by being with each other, now, remembering what is important now, and being aware of now.

Today I am grateful for the utmost clarity.  I’m off of work and I have taken every opportunity to do exactly what I want to do.  I’ve worked on my writing, on my business, on my health, on how I spend my time with my son and my family.  It has been the best experience, the best gift I ever could have given myself.  The clarity I’ve gained from shifting focus is a gift.  Knowing that this is what I need to do next, knowing this is where I’m going, is a gift.  All the other crap doesn’t matter.  This is the drive I’ve needed to get where I’m going.  No hesitation, no doubt, no fear.  Certainty that this is it.  This is sustainable and real.  It’s time to move forward.  This is another type of before and after moment, the best kind.  What an incredible gift. 

Today I am grateful for support.  During this time, I have seen how important support networks are.  The human condition is simultaneously stronger than anything and fragile as anything, and we work our way through the web of relationships and independence and any number of interactions with people around us, and we see how people can either lift us up or bring us down.  The beauty I’ve witnessed is the complete rally of support for those who are down.  Without question, coming together in crisis and showing people the best of who they are because they are reminding others of the best in themselves.  Support is about remembering and witnessing and honoring the connection we have with each other.  It’s the give and take of energy and the remembering that we are all human, and loving that humanity for exactly what it is.      

Today I am grateful for learning.  There is so much beauty in this world.  There is so much to learn about, so many natural resources for us to use and tap into.  We have an even cooler way to share this information, computers at our fingertips 24/7.  I’ve been curious about natural elements for a long time, particularly mosquito repelling plants.  We went with some friends to a plant nursery today, and let me tell you, there was so much to learn.  I was only looking for one type of plant to see how it may work in my yard, and we ended up with baskets of different plants.  This world has the answers, we were all given the answers, we just have to know how to tap in and listen.  How cool is it that we have our own medicines and remedies available all the time if we learn to cultivate them?  How cool is it to be able to use these things to take charge of our lives?  Changing how we work literally changes how we see the world. 

Today I am grateful for the new opportunities coming my way.  I’m working on shifting a lot of things in my life and I am grateful for how everything is coming together.  I didn’t realize how deeply entrenched I was in my own ways of doing things, trying to balance out the impossible, trying to take on more.  Pausing and seeing that there are other ways to do things shifted a lot.  The Wait can be difficult, especially when we feel we need something or that we are on the right track and that thing doesn’t come through.  It can be challenging to accept the wait or to see that we still have work to do to pivot.  That doesn’t mean the opportunities aren’t there.  Trust. Change the focus.  What is right is coming, what is meant to happen is happening, all in due time.

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead. 

“I just sucked at something but then I told myself, ‘That’s no problem.  You are good at other things.’ We gotta leave some things for other people to be good at.  Sometimes sucking is a great act of generosity,” Glennon Doyle.  I like this one.  Our lives aren’t meant to be a series of perfect moments.  I know I put that kind of pressure on myself.  I thought everything needed to be perfect in order to be beautiful, or even to be accepted.  But life just is this way, and not everything is as we want it to be.  But that IS the beauty: life is beautiful as it is, through all of our trying, through our learning, through our trials, through our failing, through our becoming.  All of those things are equally as beautiful as the successes, the joys, the fun, the wins, the longshots that pull through—and it’s even better when you can see the beauty in the failure, the learning as living.  We get one shot and if we can learn to adapt and take it as we are, what a gift.

As we weave our way through life, we will have these moments.  We have to come to terms that we aren’t good at everything.  We don’t have to be good at everything to find joy in it.  It’s also about perspective and the willingness to try.  We will find things we thought we loved that we are terrible at, that don’t fit us.  We will also find things we thought we’d hate that are a perfect fit, a natural thing in our lives.  The point is, if we can change our lives at any time, we have to constantly shift and find new ways to do things.  We have to try new things.  we need to be willing to follow the impulse and try what comes next.  We have to figure out what fits us and we do that by trying things.  Don’t ever be afraid to try.  There is beauty in trying.

It isn’t about being perfect, it’s about presence.  The more present we can be, the better.  Now, I realized with ADHD, the definition of presence may change a bit because attention can’t be divided that successfully, there’s a million things going on.  We can’t be present for everything because 1. That’s really stressful—there’s a lot that goes on in any given moment and we can’t be aware of all of it, and 2. It creates more of that “squirrel” mentality than it keeps us in the moment.  But the presence we feel when we allow ourselves to be focused on what’s happening is a thing of beauty.  It truly does become all consuming and takes over the mind and body.  There is ease in it.  It doesn’t matter how good or bad we are, we’ve created space to try and accept the result.  To try and try again.  Imperfect things exist perfectly and they thrive doing what they do.  We can too.          

I recently came across the fascinating story of Betty Reid Soskin through doing a series about finding her voice.  The piece I saw opened with her saying, “I have been so many women, it’s hard to remember all of them.”  it’s true on so many levels. Too often we become stuck in this version of ourselves and we have no clue who we are.  She shared that she had a mental break down at 40 and started singing songs and that she had been discovered a number of times, that she didn’t become a park ranger until she was 85 years old, and that at 101 years old she now feels as if she is starting over.  Think of the lifetimes we live.  In that context, think again, Betty says, “I have been so many women, it’s hard to remember all of them.”  How simply poignant and prophetic?  We can redefine who we are at any time.  I often speak of finding ourselves and creating a foundation and I guess I never gave much thought to the longevity of that.  Yes, I’ve also spoken of the importance of evolving and keeping up and staying true to our course, but even that, I guess, is still too rigid because it suggests finding a box to belong in at any given time.  There are so many miracles and wonders in life, we never know what is going to happen in the big picture.  We need to constantly exist in flex and trust that it’s all for the good

There is no need to stress about what’s happening in any given moment, there is no need to remain stuck in what other people tell us we are, there is no need to wallow in the emotion of what other people “make” us feel.  It’s all temporary.  I still don’t think we have an awareness of how much of our own suffering we create, how much we trap and limit ourselves.  We can decide to change that course at any time.  We do not need to define ourselves with or by temporary people and their opinions.  Keep sight of the bigger picture and learn to operate from there without the noise of others.  It’s important to know that our purpose can change as well.  As we adapt and become who we are meant to be in whatever season we are in, we will continue to “become.”  I’m learning very clearly that not everyone is for us, not everyone will even like us.  And that is ok.  It isn’t about being liked.  It’s about liking ourselves.  Change as often as necessary.  Each version will be true to ourselves as long as we follow the calling of what speaks to us.  Follow the whims and curiosities and see how they weave together in a beautiful story that makes our lives. 

The point is life begins at any time, don’t be afraid to start over.  We decide what we want this life to be.  We decide how we want to feel and we can start afresh in any given moment.  We can lean into how we want to feel and ask ourselves if it aligns with who we are, and we can shift course at any time.  It takes a massive amount of strength and will-power, but it is more than possible.  We don’t want to attach because nothing is permanent.  We don’t want to define because we are so many things.  Time is generous if we allow it to be and if we follow the presence of where we are.  We aren’t here to live for others, we are here to fulfill a purpose, and yes, that purpose should benefit others, but it isn’t FOR them, it is the expression of the universe through us.  It requires an allowing of the true versions of us to come through.  It doesn’t matter what season we are in, we can adapt or shift as necessary.  Find our voices and use them. 

“The search for truth does not end with the search for the truth of the world.  The search for truth begins with the search for the truth of yourself,” Ashmi Pathela.   This is a great follow up to yesterday’s piece.  Nothing external will give us the answer to who we are.  It takes work and effort to remain clear enough with ourselves that we know who we are and where we are headed.  As mentioned in yesterday’s piece, sometimes we get lost in the proving and the doing instead of the becoming.  Even if we still have those habits, I want to remind everyone that just because something did or didn’t happen years ago, doesn’t mean there isn’t still time for it to happen now.  There may be a certain loss in the sense that we can’t get back the time we had, but there is great hope in what we can do with our time remaining.  Things can change in the blink of an eye and shifting that perspective can just as quickly propel us forward.  Don’t get hung up on what didn’t happen—make those things we desire happen now. 

I found out last week that a former classmate passed away about a month ago.  I wasn’t friends with the girl, I knew her, but we weren’t anywhere near the same groups.  I honestly couldn’t even remember her last name so I pulled out one of the old yearbooks and looked her up.  My son asked what the book was and I explained that it told the story of the highlights of the school year when I was a kid.  As I ran through the book, I re-read the articles and stories.  At first it was a cute feeling of nostalgia and after a few minutes, it turned into a sinking feeling in the stomach.  I barely found myself anywhere in that book and it sent me down a deep spiral of anxiety and anger and shame.  It seemed I forgot who I was a long time ago.  What have I done with my life?  Where did the girl with all the ambition go?  Where did the girl with no fear go?  Then it went deeper; earlier that week I’d been walking around work on the verge of depression when I asked myself: What did I expect?  I’m still in some of those same environments I was that long ago—no wonder I still feel the same.  Cue instant anxiety…well, maybe anxiety isn’t the word.

I felt lost.  Like I wasn’t able to get my footing for a moment because I realized that I never became who I wanted to be because I stayed stuck in who I was.  Existential moment in full force, here.  There are moments I still don’t understand how I’ve ended up repeating these patterns as long as I have, I think about it all the time.  I got lost in the proving and the running around making myself feel better.  I never took the time to simply follow my heart after getting honest about what I wanted to do and accomplish with my own life.  Seeing so many of my peers pass away gives me almost a numbing feeling because the reality is I see the life they lived and how much life was in their lives and how quickly we can lose that—why am I wasting this precious time doing the same things over and over again, allowing the cycle of fear and depression to creep up when I know there are healthier places for me to be.  it isn’t about proving anything anymore, we can waste an entire lifetime trying to prove.  It’s about surrendering and allowing. 

The truth is I’m glad I had that little breakdown/existential crisis because I have a tendency to miss the obvious.  I can shout the obvious all I want, but that doesn’t mean it hits me the same way.  I need a big change.  I thought I was the person who could change my life with a combination of sheer will and attacking multiple things at once.  That endeavor has failed and it’s gotten me in deeper than I wanted to be.  It’s time to stop doing.  We all feel that way: we can only take on so much before we feel like we’re drowning.  In those moments we have to learn to let go and float.  We will be able to orient ourselves better when we stop fighting where we are.  I know it feels like we will get pulled under, but we can trust that we will find our way.  We have to give up the familiar in order to find the greatness of what we are meant to do.  We find our way, and sometimes we need a reminder to stop squandering this gift.