Today I am grateful for pivoting thoughts.  Life throws us curveballs. Naturally they never come at an opportune time, but sometimes they are a doozy.  We recently received some announcements at work that weren’t favorable and we know that some decisions are going to be made that impact staffing.  While I have concerns, for the first time I tried to see this as in opportunity rather than a devastation.  There is always the chance that this won’t impact me directly.  But the truth is, I never really trusted my own wings and this could be that chance.  This could be the opportunity to build the life I’ve been saying I wanted for how long.  Regardless, I have no say in the matter so I sit tight and know all is working out exactly as it is meant to.

Today I am grateful for options.  Change happens in the blink of an eye and it terrifies me.  I am not the person who goes with the flow very well even though I try to be and I consciously work on it.  I love a good plan and I love being in control of what comes next.  We recently found out the direction some of the changes at work are going and there is a chance it won’t be favorable for a lot of us.  So this is something I have no control over.  But I am proud because for the first time, I didn’t collapse myself into the fear of what comes next or playing out the worst case scenarios.  I mean, they still popped in my head, but that wasn’t what I focused on.  I took the time to really weigh the options and consider what may come next.  Sometimes options can be overwhelming and they may not go in the direction we think, but having options is a gift.  There is always a way to turn things around.

Today I am grateful for love.  I’m talking about platonic love, specifically inclusive love.  I spent a lot of my life on the outside, watching people bond and share time together and I was always rushing from one thing to another trying to prove myself to worth with busyness.  I truly never really learned how to form relationships with people, I always felt like I had to do everything on my own.  As an adult, I’ve felt the need for inclusiveness and support, more than I ever did as a kid.  I feel so grateful to have found people who support me and care for me—and not just me, but my husband and son as well.  There is such a wonderful feeling I get when I see these people and I am so grateful that I have them in my life.  There is no façade, no acting, no pressure.  We have a great relationship and I am lucky.

Today I am grateful for beauty.  Those of us who struggle with anxiety, depression, or both, know it’s easy to miss the beauty around us.  It’s easy to get swept up in the overwhelm of the emotions.  I truly enjoy finding the beauty in the moment, because there is always beauty in the moment.    Whether it is the sunset or sunrise, cuddling with our kids or loved ones, playing games, sharing a nice meal, sitting quietly with a good book, seeing a color that we love, seeing an outfit that strikes us, witnessing love, feeling love, reaching a personal goal, finding a place that feels like home, making a meal, laughing, going for a run, seeing a play, going to a museum, looking at art, making art, really looking at flowers or nature, simply spending time in nature—there is so much beauty.  We are blessed with beauty around us.  Let’s focus on that instead of some of the ugliness and watch how the world shifts.

Today I am grateful for health.  This may become something I throw in weekly because I am fascinated with how the body works.  I’ve also been grateful to how my body is responding to new things I’ve been doing with eating, drinking, medication, and a few new exercises so that has shown me that it is always possible to change and improve our health to where we want it to be.  The body adapts to what we give it and I know the body likes to move and to experience its limits as far as endurance and strength.  But I love taking care of myself.  I’m still far from perfect, but I am grateful to have access and to be able to make better decisions for myself.  You can’t live the life you want without health and the strength and endurance to do it.  That is also a beautiful thing.

Today I am grateful for fun.  I don’t share gratitude for this enough.  Growing up I definitely had fun times but fun was never a priority for me.  My siblings were older so I didn’t have a group of people in the home to show me how to have fun.  I experienced a lot of heaviness as a kid due to circumstances no one could control.  Again, it’s not like fun didn’t exist but I often found myself being told that my fun was too loud or that I was a bimbo because I dove into fun so completely in the moments I was allowed to.  So I took the serious route.  The funny thing is people didn’t really appreciate the seriousness either.  I didn’t know what end was up for so many reasons (and now I really understand why I spent so much of my adult life confused and waiting for direction from others).  I always thought life needed to be taken seriously and that fun was a reward.  Now I’m seeing how important fun is to creating life.  Not just enjoyment, but actual fun.  Tapping into creativity and imagination and seeing possibilities.  If we can all see the possibilities again, life opens up in new directions.  I am so grateful for that opportunity.  Life doesn’t have to be heavy, we are meant to enjoy it.

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.