We’ve spoken about the causes of inaction in our lives, namely that we aren’t sure which way to go, usually a result of being unable to rely on our decision making abilities.  When we learn to people please, our worth, our value, our esteem is external and we seek approval and validation in any way we can from outside.  Whether it’s responding immediately to calls or texts or emails, or making sure we are always available for someone, to staying in a job we know isn’t fulfilling because we are afraid of taking a leap, we base our actions on how they will impact others and on whether or not we think we can do it.  More often than not we question our ability because we listen to the opinions of others.  Even if we know we can do it, if someone puts the slightest doubt in our minds, our confidence is shattered.  We also don’t want to hurt people and we play the game of middle man whether intentional or not.  It leaves us lacking in the ability to recognize our own needs.

Making confident choices means knowing who we are, and as I’ve said many times, that means taking the time to dive into those pieces of us we’d sometimes rather not show.  There are reasons why we started pleasing, why we started ignoring ourselves, and why we feel other people’s opinions are more important than what we know we need for ourselves.  Confidence is shattered when contingent on external criteria.  Diving in is more than just recognizing the pattern and it’s even more than recognizing where it comes from and why we started the patterns in the first place.  Diving in means going further and honoring and appreciating those parts of you.  The parts that managed to survive when you felt worthless, the parts that didn’t know any better and kept going anyway.  It means making friends with those pieces.

Shining a light on the pieces we’ve kept hidden takes time and it IS painful—but it’s painful like taking off a band-aid—as soon as it’s done it starts to feel better.  When we see all of us, we know what assets we are truly working with and we see that some of what we kept hidden is actually a gift.  It’s something we can use and it often becomes our strength.  It’s easier said than done, but when we develop that sense of knowing who we are, we develop a sort of shield against what doesn’t fit, what doesn’t resonate with us.  We create a place of inner guidance we can trust and rely on.  It’s an inner security so to speak.  With Inner Security, the Insecurity goes away.  We lean on our knowing more than other people’s opinions, we rely on ourselves. 

My friends, we spoke last week of 20 seconds of insane courage and this is one of those moments.  Those 20 seconds can be spent asking the question about how to rely on ourselves, asking what we really want, defining the life we want, what works for us, what our purpose is.  When we know those questions and we know what we value, the answers are easier and they don’t have a thing to do with worth.  We know we are worthy all along and we find our flow.  In life we have our own rhythm and nature is waiting for us to answer that call.  Trust and develop your inner security and no amount of insecurity can stop you.  Keep going.