I want to preface this piece with this:  I know some of my behaviors can seem hypocritical, not out of spite or malice, but out of a lack of the faith I speak of so often here.  I KNOW I’ve shared before that I truly believe what I write here, and I do—I just struggle to apply it to myself.  I struggle to find that level of belief and acceptance for myself.  That doesn’t mean I don’t believe it, it means it’s an area of development for me.  With that being said, I am STILL a wholly faithful person, I just need to work on keeping my foundation firm in that faith regardless of what happens.  Then there are moments that can not be described by anything other than divine work.  I promise what happened next is all true.

There are times our faith is unquestionably tested.  In some of my experiences, I’m seeing this as more tested/proven.  Last weekend my family and I planned a last minute trip with our friends to a local junking/antiquing event.  The family has never done anything like that before so we had no idea what to expect.  Before we went to the actual event, we met at one of the houses for breakfast.  When we pulled up, everything seemed totally normal.  The last couple arrived and we walked in together.  I had seen photos of the house previously (we were comparing Christmas decorations at the time ) but I had never been there.  When we walked in, everything was still just fine, so our friends asked if we wanted a tour and I immediately said yes.  I freaking love looking at houses, it’s something I’ve done since I was a kid—I know I’m not alone in this.  I walked into their kitchen/dining area and took off my coat and put my things down.  We then went upstairs, then all the way down to the basement.  When we came back up to the main level, we saw the master suite, went all the way through the living/kitchen area, and then came back to the dining nook.  My mind immediately felt like it melted: I KNEW I had been there before.

I felt a neurological chill run down my entire spine and I swayed on the spot.  It wasn’t just that I had been there, I had been in that moment.  I had done all of this, seen this exact spot down to the lighting before.  I even told the group that I had dreamt this.  I hadn’t experienced Déjà vu like that every before.  This was entirely visceral, whole body, my mind felt like a record skipping for a moment as I tried to remember what happened next.  It felt like a glitch for sure.  I mentioned it and my friend said, “I’ve shown you pictures, that has to be it.”  I told her it’s possible, but it was the lighting that did it for me.  I let it go, we ate breakfast, then started getting ready to go.  My son realized he needed more water so my husband got his travel cup from the truck but our friend (the owner of the house) got a cup from his cabinet.  By the time he was asking about the water, the Déjà vu hit again.  Down to the conversation, and I said so.  No one really paid much mind but I felt so strange.  As we drove to the fair, I talked to my husband and neither of us could really put an answer on it.   

We arrived at the event and I couldn’t shake the feeling.  One of my friends simply said, “You get used to it, the premonitions.”  Well, I hadn’t considered that this was a premonition.  I started talking about the universe aligning, and maybe this was the result of two universes coalescing and becoming one.  No sooner had I said it than it happened again—I saw a building out of the corner of my eye and I almost collapsed: I had BEEN here, but it wasn’t just the location, it was the light, it was the time, everything.  I felt weak as I squeaked out that it was happening again.  The chills seemed to emit from my spine and my heart pounded to the point of palpitations.  Our friends said, “You’re meant to be here.”  While it was comforting, it also felt like that point in the movie when the group turns around and starts chanting, “One of us, one of us.”  I couldn’t escape that feeling.  As it happened, we needed to leave to meet my parents shortly after visiting the building I seemed to have materialized from a dream.

We met my parents at our house and by this point I’m continuing on with my day.  Yes, still creeped out, still trying to make sense of what happened, but I’m the host now.  The visit went perfectly fine until almost an hour in when my father said they had to leave.  When I turned to reply/question why they were leaving so soon (it takes them nearly that long to get out to me, stay for such a short time ?), it struck me almost as hard as it had at the fair: We’ve had this conversation!  Again, it wasn’t just the words or the people, it was everything down to the way the sun came through the window, to the position my parents were in relative to my son.  It felt almost out of body, like I was witnessing it like a movie playing that I had to watch all over again. 

Look, I know some of this may seem insignificant but the FEELING was so intense, I could feel my nerves firing.  I have no other way to describe it.  This wasn’t just a moment of, “I’ve seen this before, weird.”  It was the absolute certainty that I had DONE this before.  I had lived these moments, or someone had, and they were projecting through my mind again.  Never in my life have I experienced Déjà vu that intensely.  I’ve been pondering different meanings—universes aligning, the merging of who I am with who I am meant to be, the unleashing of actual premonition.  But what if it was simply a nod, a bridge to faith that the universe wants me exactly where I am right now?  I can deal with that.  Whatever my body was telling me, I know it was something important.  I have never had to take that great a pause in an event in my entire life.  But I am here for it. Not everything needs to be explained.  Not everything needs a grand reason.  Sometimes we just need to keep going, to do our part.    

Whether or not you celebrate the Easter holiday, this is the season of rebirth, this is the time of starting.  It’s a Spring where we emerge as something new, where ideas start to bud and we work on the beginning of a new venture.  So this week I share gratitude of the season.

Today I am grateful for finding me.  This isn’t something I’ve done alone (and it’s far from over) but it’s not something I’ve really had explicit help with either.  Recently I’ve been reading a lot of work on how we aren’t really “finding” ourselves because we aren’t lost.  No disrespect to the scholars behind that, but I definitely had lost my way, lost myself in the process of becoming this.  The real essence of who I am (sometimes who we are) gets buried beneath this image we create.  It is definitely a journey to discover that true essence.  It’s also a journey to discovering who we want to be.  We can’t go through life throwing darts at different interests and think that lands on something.  We need to develop the foundation of who we are and, that too, is a process.  I’m grateful for the work I’ve done. I’m grateful for the work that continues.  This journey is the way.

Today I am grateful to continue the goal of new experiences.  We went to see a movie this weekend with my son.  He had never been to a theater before and we went all out: all the snacks and drinks, the best seats, all the trimmings of a theater experience.  It was a first for us as a family because it was the first time we’ve been to a movie at a theater together.  Movies hold a special place in my heart because that is something my husband and I have always been passionate about.  The first time we met, we ended up at a movie together—he leant me a dollar so I could get in and see the movie with the group.  Over the last 22 years,  we built a collection of films together.  I know it seems silly but neither of us could remember the last time we went to the theater, and for something we enjoyed doing, that was kind of sad.  Bringing back the tradition and introducing it to our son was nostalgic and the beginning of something simultaneously.  These little adventures aren’t huge, but they are hugely impactful.   

Today I am grateful for reminders of the soul.  My friend recently had surgery so I’ve been checking in and spending time with her as she recovers.  Her favorite movie is Moana and I had never seen it so we watched it yesterday.  Yes, this is another new experience, but this was deeper as anyone who has seen Moana knows.  The demonstration of spirit, will, destiny, and knowing who we are at the core filled me with love and hope.  There are times we need to show the world strength by becoming who we are meant to be and there are times we need to find strength in ourselves by remembering what we are.  We need to be strong enough to follow our call, soft enough to see inside, brave enough to face the elements against us, and have faith enough to go after what we are meant to when we know it’s right.  We need to know as much as we are one and our actions impact others, we are also a soul, an individual with a unique contribution to the world.    

Today I am grateful for the chances this world gives us.  That is something to be grateful for forever.  No matter what happens we are able to change direction as many times as we need to.  While this can be frustrating if we don’t have a map, it’s exhilarating as we discover the direction meant for us.  The key here is that we don’t always need to have that map—we find our way as we move.  I’m working on developing more comfort with that.  I’ve often been one of those believe it when I see it types and I’m seeing the universe tends to operate on you’ll see it when you believe it.  That’s hard, but I can choose daily to trust my instincts or continue to operate as if I know it all.  The world is magic and there are times it may feel like the rug is being pulled from under us when really we are being dislodged from our comfort zone—answer the call.

Today I am grateful for tradition.  In all this talk of change and stepping into who we are, I love the tradition of coming together to celebrate a new beginning.  Faith is something my whole family has struggled with and seems to have diminished with each generation, so today isn’t totally about that type of celebration even though we are trying.  It’s about being together more than anything, and as time has gone on, that separation seems to grow a bit further.  We all have our own lives, we are all busy/tired, and we all feel like we need to do it on our own.  But on these holidays we come back together and attempt to find some semblance of tradition.  We are family and the family holds strong no matter what even if we fracture a little bit.  I am grateful to see where I came from even if we have our own spin on the day.

Wishing everyone a day of renewal and blessings and here’s to a wonderful week ahead!

I read something the other day that the concept that we are “enough” makes us settle for mediocrity and I took cause with it—not offense, but cause.  The idea that “enough” makes us settle on the surface makes sense.  If we believe we are enough, there are those who wouldn’t continue to strive for anything better.  But I want to be clear that if we are operating from a place where we have to be more to be deemed worthy, that is toxic, untrue, and damaging.  The concept of enough isn’t about settling where we are—it’s about understanding who we are.  It’s about knowing that we have the ability to move forward and are capable of seeing things through and being who we are meant to be.  It isn’t about stopping the train where it is, it’s about finding the momentum inside to keep it going like a perpetual motion machine.

When we feel we need to do more for the sake of proving, that creates negative thought patterns and unrealistic (and unnecessary) striving.  I’m not saying don’t have goals or don’t shoot for things that seem beyond reach, but I’m saying that ISN’T the determining factor in who we are—how far we succeed on someone else’s timeline isn’t what makes us successful.  Often when we realize our worth we push ourselves forward even more because we finally understand what we are capable of and we see what we want to do and a way to do it.  So understanding enough isn’t about taking the easy way out—it’s about finding and DOING the deeper work.

I think it’s important to differentiate that the purpose we have is what makes us enough as well. The distinction here is that, no, I don’t believe anyone is simply meant to sit and eat bon bons and watch TV all day.  We are born for something greater. In a world that indoctrinates us to be anything but who we are from birth, recognizing, accepting, and acting on our given gifts is a damn miracle.  If we understood that all we are meant to be is who we are, perhaps bringing out our gifts to share with the world earlier would allow the rest of the world to see who they are as well and we wouldn’t be in this competition to become the same person but “better.”  It doesn’t work like that.  So I’m saying enough IS enough—it IS enough to simply be who we are meant to be, and I would argue it’s imperative.  The world needs us to be who we are. 

Thoughts flows through me at top speeds all the time and I find myself trying to cling onto a thought just to see it through somehow. I struggle to understand them at times, or even to hear what they really are. Sometimes I only catch pieces of them and they don’t quite make as much sense when I try to bring them into the world as they did when they still rested in my head.  I cursed this for a long time because I couldn’t make heads or tails of the images, thoughts, ideas, running rampant—and run rampant they did.  It felt completely out of control because it was like I had no say in the ideas that popped in, when they popped in, or even remembering them when I really needed them.  I felt like I couldn’t rely on my brain.

As I was working on too many projects at one time in a state of panic that I wouldn’t be able to see anything through, it suddenly hit me: The millions of thoughts that run through my mind are a blessing.  For a long time it felt almost manic, the surge, the flow of different ideas.  I fought for a long time to choose which ones I wanted to hang onto, which ones were mine, which ones had merit, etc.  Then it became a matter of which ones even made sense for what I was working on at the time.  But if I didn’t have that level of activity in my brain, I’m not sure what I would look like.  Yes, it is challenging to navigate that level of stimulation, but how lucky to feel that level of creativity?! 

There was a time I know the thoughts were not healthy on any level.  They were destructive and painful and repetitive to the point of obsession.  As soon as I worked through the first layer of that trap, I found that the flow of thoughts could change—and did change—based on what I chose to focus on.  No, I wasn’t always zeroed in how I should have been, but the thoughts didn’t have me in a choke hold of fear and negativity.  There was some light there.  That’s when the creativity really came through.  What could I do with those thoughts?  What were they really trying to tell me or what were they really trying to express?  If you have an overactive mind, consider that there’s something else there.  There’s an activity in your brain that’s trying to get out.  There is something trying to come through that is meant for you to share, perhaps even feel your way through.  When it truly gets dark, reach out.  Find someone or something you can rely on to feel better.  But if the thoughts are simply running around, try to follow one.  Try something new like writing it down, or painting, or running, or building something.  See what comes of it.  Chances are the “crazy” you feel is some type of creativity bursting at the seams.  Give it a chance and see.

We aren’t meant to know how it all unfolds.  This was a tough pill for me to swallow.  I mentioned in this Sunday’s gratitude that I had always been the type of person to do things on my own.  Partially pride, partially just enjoying it, and partially the need after a while.  Not that I needed everything my way, but there were things that were important to me and I knew my powers of persuasion weren’t the greatest—that and when we are younger we often struggle to articulate our viewpoint or defend it when others are around.  My stubbornness came from steamrolling of the highest degree—the youngest in the family, my voice didn’t count for too much early on (that changed over time) and I probably went too far to the extreme in some cases about being heard.

Regardless, I’ve been peeling back numerous layers to uncover what it is I’m actually doing with my life and I keep coming back to this idea of control.  I know that I can’t control every influence on the outcome of what I desire or even what needs to be done but I still find myself wanting people to “just do what they are supposed to.”  If something makes sense to me, then I tend to want it to go that way.  That isn’t to say I don’t follow logic and take in and apply better suggestions, I’m not an idiot, but I like to get it right.  So part of this control thing also means knowing that we don’t know everything.  One of my favorite Metric songs came on the other day and one of the lines is, “I can see the end but it hasn’t happened yet.”  For me it was a melancholy type of feeling where we know what is “supposed” to happen but things don’t seem to be aligning to that end.  It also suggests we don’t know HOW it will unfold. 

One certainty in life are the curveballs that come our way.  They don’t always make sense in the midst of the event but given time, things seem to fall together in ways that couldn’t have gone any other direction.  Sometimes the how looks different because there are lessons we need to learn to get to the ultimate destination—even if we can see that destination clear as day—we may need to take one more go around before getting there.  While we know we have limited time, we can trust that we will always be right on time for what is meant in our lives.  Sometimes the how is vital to shaping, not only the course, but everything about who we are.  We have no say in that if we are following the blueprint of who we are meant to be.  In that instance we need to be exactly who we are no matter what it requires to be that person.  We are simply meant to trust, to KNOW that we will get there. Believe it. 

A reminder that it’s often the body that isn’t tired—it’s the soul, mind, or our hearts.  It’s totally Physical tiredness is normal and something we all experience.  Working the way we do, living the lives we do, stretching ourselves in as many directions as we do, physical exhaustion is a natural result.  I’m not saying that’s the natural way to live, but if we choose to live in that manner, the body is going to wear out and tire.  Then the other side is our natural rhythms of wake and sleep.  But what happens when we get enough rest, we’ve taken that break, or we’ve had that moment of peace and we still feel tired?  That’s something else telling us there’s more.  That’s when we know there is a different type of work to do. 

I fully believe in signs from the universe and that those signs speak through us, through our bodies as much as they speak through outside signs and sources.  So when we are in the dregs of something that we can’t get out of even after we’ve addressed the physical, it’s time to look at what’s really going on.  How do we address soul/mind/heart tired?  We stop.  We look at what we’ve been doing and examine how we’ve disconnected.  Disconnect happens in surprising, often quiet ways, sometimes before we even know what’s happened.  It can be a disconnect from ourselves, from what we want, from our values, from our priorities, or even from doing something we love.  All of those things are energy vampires and deplete us from a much deeper level than just the body. 

Restoring that connection to soul/body/heart is simple but not always easy (we spoke about that relatively recently).  It requires letting go of the constant need to do and harnessing the value of listening.  When I feel icky feelings, I have a tendency to either push into hyperdrive and start doing as much as I can, or I collapse under the weight—I know I’m not alone in these reactions.  This is a habit we need to catch as soon as we start to feel these feelings.  We need to train ourselves to understand what we are feeling and get down to the trigger.  The work itself feels tiring because we’ve been in survival, fight, or just-getting-by mode for so long.  When we are able to release those emotions and feel a measure of safety, our body will be tired—but until we do the work, the drain keeps going.  

“The thing is you’re not a maybe, you’re not a second choice.  You’re not an option, you’re not a when it’s convenient and you’re definitely not a wait and see. You’re an absolute yes. Don’t ever be ok with being treated as anything less than that.  We all need this little reminder to know who we are.  Don’t ever doubt your greatness,” Unknown.  I wish everyone in the world knows what this quote is talking about and, more importantly, I hope they all feel it.  It’s one thing to understand something intellectually and it’s another to feel it and know it.  The latter is something I’ve struggled with because I only let myself get so far before backing up.  When it comes to conceptualizing an idea, the thought itself is easy enough to wrap our heads around.  But knowing it, feeling it, and allowing the experience of it is different.  In order for us to move forward on our goals, we need to know our value and that means feeling it. 

Prioritizing our needs doesn’t mean we are selfish, it means we are selecting how we expend our energy.  It doesn’t pay to stretch ourselves so thin that we have nothing left to give.  As we’ve spoken about numerous times, the idea of filling our cups so they can fill others is the goal.  That requires setting boundaries and knowing where we can serve as well as what serves us.  Having that level of self-awareness is important in keeping our energy where it needs to be.  It also prevents us from needing to seek energy or validation from outside.  While we are communal creatures, we often forget that this life is an inside job.  It’s our responsibility to manage our feelings and actions and emotions—and even our reactions.  If someone or something is triggering, it’s up to us to choose where we go from there.  If someone or something attempts to or succeeds at making us feel less than, it’s up to us to walk away.

None of this is easy and I know that it can often feel like a fine line, balancing our needs with what we do for others.  It can be tricky at times to even recognize our needs, especially if we are taught our needs/wants come second.  That doesn’t mean it isn’t what we are supposed to do.  Creating a foundation is tough work but doing that lift early on creates a strong platform for the rest of our lives.  Knowing who we are, knowing our worth, knowing our purpose puts us in a position to do our best work, to help others.  It isn’t about being selfish or self-centered, it is ALWAYS about doing our best so we can offer our best to the world, so we can help others without draining our supply or losing who we are.  So the key is to NEVER forget who we are.  NEVER allow someone to make us feel less than.  ALWAYS know our worth and keep doing the work until we understand and remember exactly what we are capable of and meant to do.  Don’t let anyone dim the light we carry.   

This moment feels like a rebirth to me.  I’ve been searching for myself for ages, trying to go back and change things, to find the feelings I had when I last felt good, to find ways to stay afloat, living in fear of not “making it” in the respect of keeping my life moving forward.  I’ve been trying to be everything to everyone but myself.  My energies have been scrambled, trying to find the essence of who I am running between three significant projects at once, feeling like a failure.  I’ve also been blaming the external for my situation.  We all have struggle in certain situations where we become the victim and I am no exception but I allowed myself to stay the victim and that victimhood not only became the mentality, it became the reality.  I wanted people to see what they did to me as wrong.  I wanted them to know what they did not only hurt, but that they needed to make amends for it.  I was the martyr who constantly sacrificed my needs hoping they would see how they wronged me.  But how could they see that when I allowed it?

I bult this story of “no way out” and that I needed to do the right thing by my family.  In the process I became angry, unfocused, lost, and more afraid than I was when I started. The truth is, I was unaware of the opportunities available to me because I wasn’t taught until much later to create the opportunities I wanted or even how to look for the opportunities that I wanted.  I didn’t know how to define what I wanted as far as the feeling.  I knew I didn’t want to continue down the path in front of me, but I didn’t know how to get off of it.  Yes, I could articulate it to others and share the journey of my personal moments of enlightenment, but it wasn’t enough.  I needed to experience it.  I needed to dive into the feeling of it myself. 

I guess everyone gets to a point where they are sincerely sick of what they are doing.  They are sick of their patterns and the things that they’ve allowed into their lives.  There is also a point for some of us where we simply want more—not necessarily in the material aspect, but in the sense that we want more from life.  For me, I realized I was tired of the same arguments, the same day, the same feelings, the same stories over and over again.  I didn’t want to live my life on repeat and call it living.  I had a breakthrough amidst a breakdown and that was this: if I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired, it’s time to be healthy and bring vitality back.  It’s time to get aware of how to make the feelings I want happen, how to make the life I want happen.  It’s time to stop worrying about the security of the nest and start learning to fly. 

The reason this moment is a rebirth is because I’m celebrating my life, I’m no longer mourning it.  No, things aren’t perfect, things aren’t how I thought they would be, but this is different than looking for that path.  This is pausing and sitting until I’m aware enough to know which way to go.  It’s deciding that I don’t need to be a victim or a martyr to make my point for others.  It isn’t about being a doormat or a stepping stone for others, it’s about being a doorway.  It’s also about being the doorway for myself.  Choosing what feels right, choosing what makes sense to me, choosing the next steps based on my values and how I want to live.  Most importantly finally believing that I can do that as well.  I’ve said it before, my neurosis about my worth and ability to follow through doesn’t negate anything I’ve shared previously—I believe in everything I’ve learned and shared.  But now that I can be an active participant, we might get a little further together.  I thank you for sharing in this moment with me.          

Today I am grateful for friendship.  I’ve always been the type of person who was just fine rolling on my own whether it was work or play.  I enjoyed figuring it out and I enjoyed knowing I could do it on my own.  I’ve had two or three really close friendships my entire life (well since I was 5) and I still have those friendships to this day.  But over the last few years, since we moved into this house, I’ve learned the value of friendship.  I’ve formed relationships with our neighbors who are certainly our friends now, and they have been there at the drop of a hat.  Having a support system isn’t a hindrance, it’s a blessing.  Perhaps it was also serendipitous I met these people at this stage in my life, when things were starting to become more of a challenge to do on my own.  Regardless, I am grateful to have people to reach out to and have fun with and confide in. 

Today I am grateful for chances.  I took a chance to get out of my comfort zone related to finances.  I’m looking at expanding into a different industry in order to satisfy some personal needs at home.  There comes a time when you know what you’re doing no longer works and, while it may be a tough decision or even scary, it’s time to do something else.  There are leaps we take without a safety net and they often end up showing us our wings.  We know when things have served their purpose.  Sometimes we hope it goes a different way but we can either no longer wait or the holding on hurts more than the letting go.  Everything that’s meant to be turns out exactly as it should.  So when those chances don’t turn out, take it as protection and move on.  When they do, be grateful and know it was meant for you. 

Today I am grateful for love.  A journey to truly loving ourselves is honesty harder than I thought.  I confused love with putting our needs first all the time or some Cinderella story where we would be cared for in the end after doing all the work.  Love is so much more than that.  It’s taking into consideration the deepest parts of ourselves and honoring them, shining the light on them, giving them the chance to breathe.  I’ve been blessed to feel love in my life (even if I’ve questioned it at times) and I’ve been doubly blessed to give love.  I cherish the thought of love and I am grateful to be able to turn that conceptually toward myself.  It isn’t about indulgence or anything else—it’s simply about honoring the deepest parts of who we are.  That is enough!  It’s hard work because some of those things we were taught to hide, but lovingly embracing them makes all the difference.  It isn’t settling or accepting bad behaviors, it’s loving ourselves enough to take care of those facets as they need.  I’m working on loving me more.

Today I am grateful for sticking with my promises to myself.  Earlier this year we decided that this was going to be a year of experiences, meaning we were going to focus our time on doing things we wanted to do instead of waiting or spending money on more things.  So far we’ve done something new nearly every weekend.  We’ve taken the time to hang out and connect with people, to spend time with each other, to play games (new games specifically), and to just enjoy each other’s company.  It hasn’t been easy because we know that following the path of least resistance often means repeating patterns.  But staying cognizant and alert to the desire to go back to what I knew curbs the desire to say “no” to things.  In fact, I’m looking for more things to say “yes” to.  Life comes in when you create space for the yes.  I love the yes in life.

Today I am grateful for what trying new things means.  To piggy back off of above, trying new things also meant literally trying new things in terms of body care, mental care, and priorities.  It wasn’t only experiences, it was the entire picture of trying out new pieces of what I want my life to look like.  I tried a new self-care routine including a cleanse and I feel amazing.  While I know now I could have eaten better during that time, I am proud for committing to the program and seeing what it does for my body.  I followed through and I learned that even though there were some nights I’d almost forget to take my stuff, I’d be upstairs ready for bed, I’d remember and I’d go back downstairs and take what I needed to.  It’s a small thing but sticking with those convictions matters.  I’m grateful to learn what trying new things opens up.

Today I am grateful to celebrate.  Life changes and we change and time moves on and we never know what’s coming—we will talk about that more later this week—but that doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy our time while we have it and be grateful and joyous and celebrate what we have.  We are meant to spread joy and to feel joy and share joy.  So while time is fleeting, be grateful for what you have.  Forget the next step and the next outcome for just a minute and appreciate where you are.  There are only so many moments we get and having awareness of those moments makes them all the more special.  We often think there needs to be a moment to celebrate, or a “when this happens, then…” type of scenario.  But that isn’t true.  As cliché as it sounds, remember that life is the occasion.  The reason to celebrate is that we exist.  I am grateful to exist and I choose to honor that through what feels good, through feeling joy.  Find what brings you joy this week and celebrate it.

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.

“Stop running off of unconscious conditioning.  Wake up and be conscious of what you feel,” Kaylor Betts.  It’s only when we are awake and aware of what we are feeling that we can make a different decision.  We need to know when to break patterns and when we wake up to the things we did without thinking, the things we do because they are familiar, that is when we can make real strides toward better decisions.  Decisions more in line with who we are.  Yesterday we spoke of the difference between vulnerability and vulnerable and part of what makes us vulnerable to external forces is being unaware.  If we don’t know who we are, we don’t know what decisions are ours because we are doing what we are told and often operating under subconscious programming.  Our current system enjoys having robots, people who don’t question, so the needs of the system are met.  When we know what our needs our, we question such things.

I love that Betts speaks of being conscious of how we feel because feeling is often the first way we understand our needs.  There is no implication that emotion is weakness or that doing the work to know who we are is vulnerable or demeaning or a waste of time.  The suggestion is that we need to know what we feel in order to know who we are and what we need.  The feeling is the primary driver here, but it is not necessarily solely in respect to emotion.  I like to extrapolate that into how we feel in our lives.  If we do something not in line with our values, we feel it.  If we do something that doesn’t feel right on the most basic level, we feel annoyed or out of place.  It’s important to stop disregarding the signs our body gives us because our emotions do have a physical expression.  Becoming conscious is key to stepping toward the life we love, the life we desire. 

When we awaken to our needs, we are no longer asleep to who we are.  We are no longer vulnerable to outside influence because our actions are based off of our values rather than what others tell us we are supposed to do.  People who wake up to their lives, their needs, are dangerous to a system that wants us to function to meet its needs.  For those who struggle with the emotional concept and think it’s selfish or not the answer, I want to express that being awake is more than just how we feel.  The feeling is how it starts, but being awake is about seeing other opportunities, other solutions to how we live, other ways of operating that don’t deplete the individual or resources.  When we are in touch with how we feel (or how we want to feel) and what we value, we see more than the impact on ourselves, we see the impact on the world and it makes the ideas spin a bit faster and in a different direction.  Being awake doesn’t solely focus on the individual even if it starts that way.  Being awake is being aware of our purpose and the place we want to have as well as the impact we have on the world.  Being awake isn’t some new concept—it has become vital to how we live.  Wake up and feel the truth of who we are and spread our light.