Continuing on with being where we are and honoring our path/timeline, I had a revelation at work the other day.  To put it on context, I’ve been having these feelings of needing to be somewhere else so often that I am literally never settled in my skin—I’m always wanting to be somewhere else and the ADD brain doesn’t help because I’m constantly squirreling off on some other venture in my mind, thinking I need to be doing something other than what I’m doing right now—it makes the moment very hard to appreciate.  Regardless, I had the beautiful citrus revelation the other day and I was trying to continue that presence when I realized I’m trying to live four lives at once.  I have multiple ventures, multiple goals all going at the same time and none of them can move forward because none of them have the attention they require.  An overwhelming wave of sadness/ease came over me as I realized I need to work on calming my mind.

As soon as I had that revelation about calming my mind, the impact of living this way truly hit me.  I thought I’d been proactive at attempting to keep all facets of my life in the air, trying to make a decision about what future me was going to secure and experience.  All I’ve done is continue to run the circles we’ve discussed numerous times here.  It simultaneously hit me that sometimes the thing we are running from is what we need in the moment.  And it’s true—I thought I’d been running from my job because of the conflict it creates in my life and I had stopped looking at what it was teaching me.  Especially with the difficult interpersonal dynamics, all I wanted to do was get away from that space.  It also hit me that there could still be a purpose to being there—it does keep a roof over my head, food in my belly, and provides for my family.   The latter part made me realize that it’s ok to be there.  This is simply where I’m at now, there are opportunities now (although some have been hidden from me), and the things I have to do in the moment may serve me in the end.   

I have a tendency to look for security everywhere I go—I know most people do, but it’s pathological for me.  I need to feel safe and that goes back to not trusting my instincts because I couldn’t trust most of those close to me when I was young and I doubted everything I ever did.  Knowing yourself and trusting your gut and honoring who you are in this moment will definitely help you hone your instincts.  So many people try to talk us out of who we are—or worse they try to gaslight us out of who we are.  It’s so easy to fall into the trap of feeling insane when you deal with these people on a daily basis.  But if we can at least trust we are meant to be where we are, the world slows down just a bit.  Sometimes we need to take our foot off the gas and look around to reorient ourselves and take stock of what’s happening.  It’s enough to be where we are.  We don’t need to be striving or fighting to get where we think we need to be.  We simply need to BE.  There is no shame in calming the mind or taking stock of the present circumstances.  We often think we need to produce our way into the life we want or to prove ourselves into worth.  All we need to do is take care of ourselves and those around us.  Honor our health, our minds, our bodies, our experience and those of those closest to us and it falls into place.  All it takes is being here, not 100 steps ahead.  Where we are is ok.