Today I am grateful for choosing myself.  There have been some odd incidents in the neighborhood lately, people behaving differently than they normally do and saying nothing is wrong.  You ever have one of those moments when someone tells you it’s all fine and you know it’s not?  Yeah…it’s like that.  So my husband and I decided to remove ourselves from the situation.  We’ve said all along that we wouldn’t get involved and we had found ourselves in the middle—so we decided to stop that.  We simply didn’t engage with either party.  It was uncomfortable at first, but then it felt right. I was able to do more of my thing rather than worry about how someone else would interpret my actions.  That’s next level self-reinforcement there.  Always choose yourself.

Today I am grateful for trusting my instincts.  Full transparency and a bit of disclosure, I haven’t taken action yet, but I KNOW something is brewing around me—both at home and at work.  I can’t put my finger on it but I know something is going on with the people around me and there is about to be some sort of announcement/confession.  In that vein, I’ve taken a step back with the emotion and I’ve managed to focus on the work that needs to be done—there is always something that needs to be done.  My instincts have told me to let go of the worry because what’s coming IS coming.  There is no avoiding it so sitting here and putting myself through the misery multiple times serves no point.  My instincts tell me to keep going and that all will unfold soon. 

Today I’m grateful for pivoting a step in my self-care.  I’ve been hyper-fixated on fixing me, on exposing flaws, on doing the work to “Get Better.”  I’ve sought answers everywhere and I’ve ridden this roller coaster of feeling better and feeling worse for ages—it’s making me sick.  So, it hit me that, at this point, I’ve been trying to fix myself for so long that I’m laying on the floor in pieces with no guide on how to get back together.  It’s time to rely on a little bit of trust and faith.  I’ve reached a point there isn’t much else I can DO, I need to ALLOW.  I need to feel safe.  I’ve sought security for a long time and all of those external things I thought would make me feel better have become more things to maintain and care for.  This is different.  I need to find my wings—remember the bird and the branch and know that it isn’t the branch that makes me safe, it’s my ability to fly.  So, here’s to finding what I’ve been looking for: my inner-security. 

Today I am grateful for surprises.  My son had his first play this past week.  Once I got over the fact that my baby is not a baby and he now has speaking lines in plays at school, it hit me how unbelievably talented my kid is.  He’s only 6 and his enthusiasm showed in every song he sang, he remembered every word, he spoke clearly into the microphone, and he danced his little heart out.  Not trying to be a stage mom, but come on!  I was so proud of him.  I asked if he liked being in plays when it was over and he emphatically said, “YES!”  My heart warmed—I acted when I was younger as well.  It hit me again how this child is a perfect mix of my husband and me.  How cool is that? How lucky am I to witness that? 

Today I am grateful for help.  I know that I can’t do it all on my own, and honestly, I’m grateful to realize that I no longer want to do it on my own.  For so long I ended up doing things myself because other people either refused, or it was on a timeline that didn’t work for them, or they didn’t understand what I needed.  This happened a lot at work.  I’ve taken the stance that you can lead a horse to water but you can’t force it to drink.  I’ve also taken the stance that, as a leader, I can only tell people the same thing so many times before I need to take action that holds them accountable rather than do it for them.  It’s empowering to empower others and it’s liberating to put accountability where it belongs.  That goes for anyone anywhere.

Today I am grateful for family.  I spent some time with my parents this weekend and I am always reminded how fortunate I am to have them.  Times are changing and soon they are going to need me more, and I’m grateful for these moments we can simply share that time WITH each other.  I’m grateful my son is so happy to be with them.  I’m also grateful to see that the steps I’m taking to secure a different future are going to benefit them.  One of my goals is still to repay them and make sure they are taken care of.  Time is precious and getting that time with them matters.

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.