Today I am grateful for resilience.  I spent a lot of time avoiding hard things because I really didn’t think I could handle it.  What would happen if I messed up?  How would I fix it if it broke?  Who would actually be there to help me if it went wrong?  I couldn’t wrap my head around the benefit of aversity.  I still struggle with it a bit, but I do see the value now.  In adversity, in working the muscles we don’t normally use (whether physical, mental, spiritual, financial), we develop a strength.  We learn new ways to adapt and new ways to handle different situations.  More importantly, we develop our resilience.  We learn that the body and spirit are far more capable of handling things than we knew.  We are fed a line that life is either meant to be super hard or that it is meant to be easy—but there is a middle ground.  The reality is we need challenge to develop ourselves, but there is a sweet spot of ease in there.  I am grateful for learning the resilience and the true capacity of what I’m capable of. 

Today I am grateful for nature.  Yesterday my husband, son, and I worked in the yard.  We are prepping for the summer, for growing our little garden, and for the long germ with our yard in general.  I hadn’t been outside like that in months.  I haven’t worked in the earth since last year.  I didn’t realize how much I missed it and how much I needed it.  It was a real communion with the Earth. As I pulled weeds (the non-helpful ones), I felt myself sink in.  We looked up more plants that we want to have to help keep mosquitos away and how we want to place things.  Our yard is pretty plain at the moment, so it was just nice to look forward and see what we can get.  It was beautiful to be outside again.

Today I am grateful for surprises.  My son s turning into a little gamer and he is obsessed with Mario.  He’s been asking for a particular Mario game for quite a while and we finally found a copy at a reasonable price a bit farther out from our town.  We took a little adventure, and I realized that, even though it wasn’t that far, I had never really been to this place before.  The town surprised me and it seemed a bit like it was stuck in time.  Yes, everything was a bit newer, but it reminded me of when I was younger and going off on my own for the first time.  I can’t explain it.  There was the joy of seeing my son’s face, the kindness in his heart when he told me I could have the plushie he wanted, and then there was the nostalgia/excitement of being someplace new that seemed from a different era.  It was kind of trippy, but it was a great surprise for all of us.

Today I am grateful for patterns.  I’ve been struggling with breaking patterns and with finding the patterns I want to keep in my life.  I’ve been stuck in the same routine for years now, just trying to get through the day, but I’m seeing the transition to a more creative lifestyle requires thinking in different ways.  I’ve recognized what no longer fits, and while I am not at a point where I can actively do something about it, I can steer my ship in the direction of what I do want.  The formation of new patterns takes time, and seeing where I’m going helps me hone in on what feels right for me.  The patterns that need to take place in order to shift me toward the life I want are slowly but surely taking hold.  Where I was angry or frustrated before, I’m really bored.  I’m hearing the call for something else and I’m grateful to feel that.

Today I’m grateful for eliminating.  There is a thing for Spring cleaning that I didn’t feel before.  It was always nice to open the house and feel the change of the weather, but I have a deep urge to purge and eliminate now.  It’s time to construct the life I want and release the things that no longer serve.  I have a lot of attachment to things so this is a big step for me.  Trusting that I have no need of what I used before, stepping into myself, honoring who I was and seeing that who I am no longer needs to hold onto those things.  I’m not rampaging and getting rid of it all, no.  But I’m more carefully considering what I need in my life.  Going back to being in the yard, I’m seeing that I want to spend more time in the Earth and creating things than I want to accumulate more stuff.  It’s about creation, not consumption. 

Today I am grateful for truth.  I’ve been receiving feelings and signs that a truth of some sort is coming out but I couldn’t quite place my finger on what it would be.  Over the last few days, tensions have been building, kind of like a storm brewing.  All at once an issue with some friends came to a head and an issue with my husband and his family came to a head.  In both cases, it’s important to see the truth so you know who you want in your life, who supports you.  When it comes to my friends, we are all old enough to make our choices and to respect the choices of others.  If they don’t respect my choices then so be it.  When it comes to my husband and his family, he is now blatantly aware of where he stands.  While it’s painful, the same lesson on support applies.  Their actions have no impact on who we are/who he is.  Stand firm in our ground and allow others to show themselves.  The truth always comes out.  When we see it, believe it, and be grateful to know.  

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead!