We aren’t meant to know how it all unfolds.  This was a tough pill for me to swallow.  I mentioned in this Sunday’s gratitude that I had always been the type of person to do things on my own.  Partially pride, partially just enjoying it, and partially the need after a while.  Not that I needed everything my way, but there were things that were important to me and I knew my powers of persuasion weren’t the greatest—that and when we are younger we often struggle to articulate our viewpoint or defend it when others are around.  My stubbornness came from steamrolling of the highest degree—the youngest in the family, my voice didn’t count for too much early on (that changed over time) and I probably went too far to the extreme in some cases about being heard.

Regardless, I’ve been peeling back numerous layers to uncover what it is I’m actually doing with my life and I keep coming back to this idea of control.  I know that I can’t control every influence on the outcome of what I desire or even what needs to be done but I still find myself wanting people to “just do what they are supposed to.”  If something makes sense to me, then I tend to want it to go that way.  That isn’t to say I don’t follow logic and take in and apply better suggestions, I’m not an idiot, but I like to get it right.  So part of this control thing also means knowing that we don’t know everything.  One of my favorite Metric songs came on the other day and one of the lines is, “I can see the end but it hasn’t happened yet.”  For me it was a melancholy type of feeling where we know what is “supposed” to happen but things don’t seem to be aligning to that end.  It also suggests we don’t know HOW it will unfold. 

One certainty in life are the curveballs that come our way.  They don’t always make sense in the midst of the event but given time, things seem to fall together in ways that couldn’t have gone any other direction.  Sometimes the how looks different because there are lessons we need to learn to get to the ultimate destination—even if we can see that destination clear as day—we may need to take one more go around before getting there.  While we know we have limited time, we can trust that we will always be right on time for what is meant in our lives.  Sometimes the how is vital to shaping, not only the course, but everything about who we are.  We have no say in that if we are following the blueprint of who we are meant to be.  In that instance we need to be exactly who we are no matter what it requires to be that person.  We are simply meant to trust, to KNOW that we will get there. Believe it.