What I love about self-improvement and increasing self-awareness and self-worth is that most of the work is simple and straight-forward.  It’s work that solidifies and backs common sense and teaches us that the foundation is key.  There are some who believe it’s self-centered work and selfish and that people lacking confidence or belief or direction simply need to get out of their heads and focus on others.  There comes a point with self-improvement where action for others is necessary but I want to dispel this myth that self-improvement is selfish.  What those tough love folks don’t realize is that most people lacking in confidence were taught that their opinions, beliefs, thoughts, feelings, voice, body, needs, anything about them came second to everyone else in the world.  They were taught they were obligated to their caregivers rather than a caregiver being someone with whom they could form a foundation of trust, security, and bonding with. 

The truth is, developing confidence does involve getting out of our own heads, getting out of our own way but we can’t do that until we see the ways we block ourselves, where we formed false beliefs and fears.  Again, this is a simple, straight-forward thing.  That doesn’t mean it’s easy.  So let that be another myth we dispel here: simple does not equate to easy.  Simple can be some of the hardest work we do until we learn to navigate the inner labyrinth of our minds, hearts, and souls.  It involves putting aside what we know and venturing into both the light and dark sides of us, being willing to see all of who we are, and to embrace the parts that aren’t so great, as well as the parts that need love the most.  For some, that journey is never necessary.  They are secure in the foundation early on.  For others it takes work. 

This is also an ode to encourage those who need to take this journey to not set expectations as we’ve done before.  There is no finish line, no “due by” date when we will be “fixed.”  It’s a task to settle the mind and change habits we’ve been brought up with.  Changing mind set isn’t easy for those with a decent foundation, so anyone with some shaky ground to navigate has a bit more work to do.  Don’t give up because we think simple means it will come naturally.  It doesn’t matter if we’re talking about using a spoon, if we haven’t been taught or given the tools, it will seem alien on our first attempt.  We aren’t meant to know things without context, experience, or foundation—that doesn’t make us failures.  If we are struggling to figure it out, give some grace.  Have some patience and have some faith that we are meant to develop over time.  We all have our time so move at a pace that works and feels right.  After all, in order to help others we need to know HOW we can help others and that is completely reliant on confidence and self-worth.  Do not mistake simple for easy.  Simple is often some of the hardest work we do.