Today I am grateful for love.  We had to put down one of our cats Tuesday of this past week.  She was our oldest girl, the first baby we had together so to speak.  Anyone who has ever loved and lost an animal knows it’s an emotionally draining experience.  I stayed home on her last day to be with her, emotions all over the place, trying to find a way to still keep her with us.  In the end, I know it was for the best even though it was one of the worst things to go through.  But that pain means there was immense love because you can only hurt for something that matters.  I am grateful for our remaining animals, for my family, for the support we are forming for each other.  I am grateful for the love I still have for my girl, the fact that a love like that exists.  We are so blessed to share our lives with people and creatures who bring that much meaning to us.  I miss her terribly and it hasn’t even been a week, but I know that love will remain even though she isn’t physically here.  I have reminders of her around me and I cherish the time I had with her.  How lucky to feel that love?

Today I am grateful for fun.  I often allow myself to forget this on a daily basis.  I take myself too seriously and the to-do list never seems to end so things get overwhelming.  I fear that if I let go and have fun the things I really want, the things I’m working toward won’t happen.  As much as I talk about faith, I know that shows a complete lack of faith in what I do.  Also, after so many years of suppressing the fun to “get things done,” I’m honestly not very good at it.  It takes a lot for me to not approach it as a task.  But over the last week I’ve begun learning two different games, both things completely out of my comfort zone—pool and Tripoley.  In learning these games, I’ve actually found some confidence.  I’ve seen how sheltered I was, how limited my experiences were with people outside of my expected interactions.  It isn’t just about the game, it’s about the camaraderie and the interaction.  Fun keeps the brain going.  Source knows I need every ounce of help I can get with that.  I am grateful to learn what fun looks like—and what it feels like.

Today I am grateful for settling.  Not settling for something, but settling into who I am.  I’m not where I need to be, far from it, but there are facets I’ve struggled with for a long time that seem to be slowly clicking into place.  It’s nice to not live in fight or flight constantly.  My friend (and neighbor) said something along the lines of not buying things your neighbors have in reference to our relationship and our ability to help each other.  I’m the kind of person who always makes sure to take my things back because I’ve had them stolen before and I’ve never felt I would be in one place long enough to let someone have something long term.  Now I’m setting up this life and it involves shedding old skins and learning to find stability and trust that I am home—literally and figuratively.  This is our home.  This is what it means to set up a life.  It doesn’t mean life is going to be like this every day, but this is where we have laid our foundation.  Settling means more than accepting, it means putting roots in yourself as much as you would a physical location.  I am settling into my skin.  It feels good.

Today I am grateful to regroup.  This is an action I’ve spoken about but have admittedly taken for granted.  I’m a thinker, an overthinker, a multiple-trains running on the same track at the same time type mind.  Whatever you want to call it, my mind goes fast and is super active, not always with helpful things.  You have to learn to interrupt those thoughts as often as necessary and I don’t always do that.  I have a tendency to allow them to run their course even if it isn’t healthy and it happens so quickly I don’t always recognize it coming or the signs to step in and stop.  There are always things I can improve on, and interrupting that negative train of thought is one of them.  Today I took time to put my fears into focus and put the reality front and center. 

Today I am grateful for coincidences.  I’ve been allowing the thoughts to rage (see above reference to overthinking) and I’ve found the fear pattern of missing out again.  Today the universe showed me with abundant clarity that there is a way to feel better, a way to solve the issues I’ve been having.  One of my side gigs has kind of gone to the wayside lately because of other obligations.  I decided that I’m going to need to re-dedicate some time and attention to it in order to help things along—and in order to help myself.  I took a step on one of our products today and about 12 hours later, I received a text from my business partner and she mentioned a presentation this evening that was on a similar topic (gut health).  My jaw hit the floor.  I’ve been sitting on this product for weeks because I wanted to have a consistent amount of time at home to work with it and that started today.  I had no idea this presentation was going on because I’ve been out of the loop.  I’m grateful that in spite of my fears, angst, tantrums, and legitimate concerns, the universe is still game to give me signs. Now it’s up to me to follow and respect them, especially when they are in line with what I’ve put out.

Today I am grateful for time.  I have an incredibly busy week ahead of me, but I’ve taken some time off from my 9-5 to focus on some work that needs to be done outside of my normal routine.  I didn’t get off to the greatest or most consistent start the last two days, but I know where my focus is going.  I know what needs to be done.  I have seven days to get some of these ideas off the ground and to make some headway with my personal choices.  At first I was overwhelmed but then I felt better.  It’s time to take care of me, my family, my dreams.  A week isn’t a lot, but it is better than nothing and I’m taking this opportunity for all it’s worth.  It’s a great chance to simply feel better and take some shots.  We all need that every once in a while—just the chance to shoot a shot.  I’m taking mine.

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.