“You don’t become confident by shouting affirmations in the mirror, but by having an undeniable stack of proof that you are who you say you are.  Outwork your self-doubt,” Alex Hormazi.  No disrespect to the author of this quote, but I don’t think it’s entirely true—it is evocative, so here we are discussing it, but I don’t think it’s entirely true.  External focus and achievement are one step short of validation seeking if you’re not focused on the right thing.  Checking off a list of achievements becomes meaningless in the end.  We gain our focus by creating a foundation in WHO WE ARE, so we know what our pursuits are and what purpose we have.  That comes from doing deep self-work and creating unshakeable belief in who we are, in affirming the choice of the identity that fits us, and in choosing ourselves repeatedly.  Yes, showing ourselves that we CAN do it, that we have the ability is a component of that.

Now, I agree with the point talk alone won’t get you where you want to go.  You need to put action behind words.  The more actions we take toward our goals and dreams, no matter how small, the more confident we become in taking bigger steps toward those goals and dreams.  THAT is absolutely a fact.  I like the idea of creating a discipline based on who we are because that feels better than saying we have to achieve all of these things in order to be deemed successful.  We decide who we are and then we go BE who we are.  It isn’t about fulfilling some checklist we are given that was the image of success decades ago.  The world is shifting because that system didn’t work for everyone.  Now we are seeing that we have to find who we are and figure out what we bring to the table.  It’s no longer about projecting an image, it’s about living the lifestyle that works for us. 

I think affirmations help us on the way to creating that foundation because they get us comfortable with that internal conversation of, “I am.”  It creates certainty around identity and an environment to learn about the fluidity of that identity and equally the solidity of that identity.  What works for us can and will change over time.  We evolve, we learn, and we grow into these versions of ourselves that have been trying to surface for ages.  The proof doesn’t need to be about proving anything to anyone else—confidence is internal and that means proving to ourselves.  Saying and doing are two different things but we have to say who we are before we can be who we are—so they build on each other. Find who we are and allow that person to come through.