We are trained in a highly conflicted society.  We are told we need to do as we are told while also highlighting those who bend convention.  We are told we need to achieve material status and also stay grounded.  We are told that there are things we are meant to do (the shoulds) while still honoring what we want to do.  The truth is this sets every single one of us up for failure.  We can’t live two worlds where we are making everyone around us and ourselves happy, or fulfilling their needs and our own.  It’s no wonder why people are constantly in fear of missing out when we are connected 24/7 but we push distraction instead of productive connection.  When we have this bilateral thinking, the and/or, the have-to, the should type of thinking, we lose ourselves. 

This is when we need to stop the conflict in ourselves and create that foundation of who we are.  Jay Shetty talks about Should V. Could thinking.  It’s the use of intentional language to change your mindset.  When you ask what you should do versus what you could do, you get different answers.  Should is about guilt and obligation whereas could is about the opportunities and creative solutions in a situation.  The focus is entirely different.  We can create a list a mile long of what we should do from cleaning the house to solving world hunger, but the point is to learn what we CAN do.  We won’t solve all the world’s issues in one day but what can we do to bring us a step closer?  We can’t have total independence with switching one thought, but we CAN take one step toward that freedom. 

Just changing one word can change the outlook of your life.  It makes things feel less overwhelming because we are asking the question instead of demanding the answer.  Throw that pause in there as well and we learn to see all the options instead of the obligation.  The whole point in changing thought patterns as we’ve been discussing this week is to understand how we think and operate and how we can change that, understanding where we create our own drama and overwhelm.  Things we think we should do really aren’t that necessary.  The things we can do are limitless—or if not limitless, at least more abundant and defining of the situation.  Could keeps us open where should keeps us trapped to one way. 

This isn’t something that will come easily to many of us, especially those raised in guilt and people pleasing.  It’s not easy because we have to create space for ourselves that we never knew we were allowed to have.  We have to create space and grace that we held for others but never ourselves.  But the freedom that comes with could changes everything.  You learn you don’t need permission to do anything, there are simply other opportunities on the path.  With practice, could becomes easier.  Could opens doors and you learn to walk through them.