I had a dream about a c-suite person from my job.  It was such a maudlin expression of what I can imagine people view/viewed me as.  As I’m shedding layers, I see sides of me that were probably pretty obvious to others.  I used to be impressed by people/power/title but not for the reasons you’d think.  I’d try to be in the same room, I’d try to be heard in front of them, I’d try to be seen.  It wasn’t about being power hungry, it was about being an energy vampire and feeding off of it.  It was about finding validation from people in positions to tell others my worth.  It was about being rescued by someone who saw something in me.  From the outside of course it looked like I was a suck-up, someone trying to hard, maybe even a social climber. 

I’m not proud of the fact that I couldn’t see that perspective until very recently.  I thought I was doing the right thing by doing what it took to be seen and heard, and (not to play victim) I thought it was going to protect me in the long run.  Discussion of self-worth and value were non-existent in my house growing up so I grew up learning that I needed a savior.  That I wasn’t allowed to live my own life, that I needed to do what I was told, keep my head down, and if I was good enough then something good would happen for me.  I don’t blame my family for the lesson because I understand what they were dealing with as well—they didn’t know until much later on what it meant to not need permission—or that they could make the decision to not need permission. 

It took me many years to learn that standing in our own power is enough.  That a title doesn’t really mean anything unless you use it for good. It’s about knowing our own worth and doing what is right for ourselves.  We are trained to live our lives a certain way, forgetting that we are beyond asking for permission.  We don’t need approval or to prove our value/worth to others.  Doing what’s right for ourselves doesn’t make us selfish, it guides us to where we need to be.  When someone shows you what they think of you, believe them.  When they show you who you are, believe them.  Know your worth and when you’re not welcome at the table.  People will make their feelings about you very obvious and think they’re smooth or subtle.  What you tolerate and allow is what you get.  Don’t tolerate that disrespect any longer.

When we focus on our own path, the opinions of others has zero impact on our lives.  That’s the point of knowing. Power is about co-creating with the universe and mastering the gifts inside of us.  It’s the ability to stand firm in who we are without interference from the outside.  Power has nothing to do with exercising control over situations or people we were never meant to control.  Focusing on our path, our energy, our thoughts, and our expression is the ultimate control.  People can’t sway you from who you are as long as you KNOW who you are. Title doesn’t mean anything in the scheme of co-creation.  That’s the beautiful part: it’s available to all of us at any time.  I’m glad for this reminder about being intentional in the life I live.  It isn’t about how I appear to others, it’s about what I feel about myself.