Today I am grateful for epiphanies and understanding.  We are all hypocritical at times.  I don’t think it’s intentional—I know it isn’t for me.  I become a hypocrite when it comes to follow through and practicing what I preach.  It isn’t about people doing what I say, it’s more about external vision for others and fear.  It’s easier to see things from the outside so sometimes the solution is more visible when it comes to other’s situations.  And letting go of fear is hard.  The same eye that sees the answers for others may not believe it’s possible for them—and that’s a big thing  for me.  Reconciling loss means dealing with the fear of loss.

Today I am grateful for love and friendship.  My husband nailed it with Christmas gifts this year and he planned this day months ago.  We went to breakfast with our neighbors at this cute little diner.  We’ve lived in this area for nearly 5 years and haven’t ever been there until a few weeks ago.  It’s the epitome of everything you’d think this area is supposed to be—they literally know your name when you walk in, the food is delicious, they know your needs before you say them.  My neighbor and I share common interests so one of the gifts was to go to the Harry Potter Experience.  What an unbelievable gift and an amazing way to fully embrace having fun and joy. 

Today I am grateful for remembering myself.  This has been an intense week filled with lots of drama, emotion, and intensity.  While we were at the Harry Potter experience, all of that literally melted away.  I felt completely at ease, totally in my element, and a real feeling of joy swept through me.  Life can be like this.  We can allow the joy and ease back in and we can simply have fun.  It’s ok to find that childish part of you and let it out—and I let my inner child out today.  I see how play is absolutely essential and when we take ourselves too seriously we get lost.  I didn’t feel one ounce of shame today while going through the exhibit and playing.  This is what it’s like to be yourself, when you find that inner essence of happiness.

Today I am grateful for remembering myself (part two).  The things I’ve been struggling with aren’t mine to carry.  Nonetheless, I’ve carried that burden.  I’ve become an emotional powder keg, unclear in thought and focus, unmotivated in action and follow through, eating my feelings away, feeling heavier and heavier.  I saw myself today and I don’t appear as I want to anymore.  So while I was the happiest I’ve been in a long time (and that is visible on me), the damage of sustained trauma is also apparent.  I don’t need to continue to punish myself for anything.  I can put that away.  Today is a new day and I am able to decide right now that I can take responsibility for myself and do what is right—that is the follow through I talked about in point one. I know I am capable.  I’m sorry I continue to forget it. 

Today I am grateful for acceptance.  Sometimes initial encounters don’t go well.  We misjudge or something in particular happens and we carry the wrong impression of someone or something for a while.  I had that experience shortly after we moved to this house.  I struggled to get along with anyone because I felt so alone.  But after honest and open conversation and real talk, I found how much I have in common with people.  There was recently a publication about social health and it includes the various components of being with people, managing our lives, and how that impacts our health/happiness.  Learning to accept the reality of situations and letting people in draws us closer and gives us support we may not realize we need.  I can tell you, I’ve realized I need it and I am so grateful to have it.

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.