Today I am grateful for a sense of unease. I couldn’t tell you if my life depended on it, what started this feeling. All I know is that I have a profound sense of discomfort and melancholy. A sense of not belonging and what I want to do isn’t really what I want to do. Perhaps it’s a sense of detachment. But the truth is, I am grateful for this feeling because it’s forcing me to really examine what I’ve been doing. I’m legitimately proud of what I’ve been doing with my projects, but it still feels like a lot of effort for no return. Regardless, I’m grateful because it’s making me look at what I’m prioritizing and clarifying what I need to do. Having a sense of direction, no matter the cause is key, and often when you’re uneasy, you’re on ground that is about to challenge you or you’re not where you should be.
Today I am grateful for my son’s hugs. As I mentioned above, I’ve been a bit off. He woke up this morning and silently stepped into my office and he climbed into my lap and gave me the biggest hug. It immediately grounded me. The feel of his little body in my lap and his arms around my neck, the smell of him, the warmth. It brought me right back to where I needed to be: rocking my son who just work up in my lap. Not worrying about anything, just being present.
Today I am grateful for turning a page. I’m not a patient person and I constantly get messages from the universe that I need to be patient. I need to let go of my expectations on timing and just go with it. You’d think after this long that I would get it, but here we are. Regardless, I admit that I’ve turned a page when it comes to understanding the importance of being patient. Growth always takes longer than destruction and ironically enough, sometimes growth IS destruction. It’s always a sacrifice of letting go of what/who you are to become who you are meant to be. So being patient allows those facets to drop into place and allows for the honoring of who you are meant to be. I’m grateful to accept this lesson in order to move forward. You can’t hold onto the same thing forever and expect to change.
Today I am grateful to get some rest and connect with a few things I needed. Today felt like a real day of reprieve. Simple rest and relaxation. I spent the day yesterday cooking and preparing for the week. I finished my cooking today. I got to work out. It felt good to simply unwind and read and connect. I went to the cemetery to see my grandfather and then I went to the book store. The book store is a special place for me and it felt nice to get back there after not visiting for so long. We all need days to simply connect.
Today I am grateful to learn what life is about. I literally thought it was about doing as you’re told for the longest time. I thought it was about being the same as everyone else, hiding the things you liked to do in order to do what you were supposed to do. In taking some time off of doing the same thing over and over again, but I see that it’s more about connecting. It’s about being unique and embracing what it is that makes you come alive. See, I thought there was a way to straddle both worlds, to play it safe and to get what you wanted. But the truth is you need to give up what you thought to connect with what you need. It’s about that awakening, and even if you’re in the middle of your own awakening and involved in the process, it’s easy to fall back into your routine. Do what you can to break it.
Today I am grateful to understand. Simply to understand and exist and to decide what we want to do, who we want to be is incredibly empowering. I am grateful to understand that we can let go of what we thought we needed and embrace what we actually need. I’m grateful to understand that we always have the opportunity to try again or start over. Every day is the opportunity to be more aligned with who we are. Every day is another opportunity to try again and to get closer to your purpose.
Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.