I want to continue on the vein of learning to be self-sufficient and recognizing when it no longer serves, specifically knowing when to walk away in spite of fearing the unknown. I opened the last piece talking about how we tend to stay where we are because it’s familiar but we hope the circumstances or people involved will change. I want to attest to how quickly time can pass you by living your life like this. You repeat each day over and over again, thinking things are getting better until they blow up in your face. Suddenly you look around you and everything you were fighting for or everything that was familiar no longer feels like it belongs to you anyway. That is why it’s so important to have a strong sense of self and know our boundaries. Looking for external validation erases all boundaries and then we feel lost.
I’ve been giving a lot of consideration to how the mind works and when we need introspection the most. We often confuse a journey inward with selfishness. It’s very easy to see from the outside how it would look like someone is narcissistic when they spend their time trying to look or behave a certain way or to garner a certain result from other people. The truth is, from the outside, the level of mental gymnastics we go through on a daily basis, the constant evaluation of our own actions depending on the situation, and the turmoil we create trying to be what the other person wants is never visible. And all of that is in the name of trying to be liked or simply accepted. It isn’t about being selfish or self-absorbed: it’s about simply trying to find our place and thinking our true self won’t be accepted. We chameleon who we are all day long, not for praise or gain, but to feel worthy.
When you start peeling away the layers in order to see who you really are, people are going to question you, they are going to make you feel like you’re doing something selfish. Those are the people to avoid like the plague. These are the people who more than likely gained the most from your lack of boundaries and they get pissed when they no longer have access to you on that level. Anyone who considers a journey inward selfish is not someone you need in your life. See, the trip inside forges the connection to self and to the universe where you can bring out your true purpose. That purpose is a benefit to all so taking the time to focus inward and bring out what you’re looking for is probably the least selfish thing you can do.
I don’t claim to know all the answers, not by a long shot, but I do hope my stories and examples can awaken that in others. I hope it gives people the drive to look inside and figure out what makes them tick. I hope to remove the stigma of self-help and self-discovery as selfish. I hope to help people re-establish a relationship with themselves that elevates them to the next level and helps them find their path. I know I’ve spent years locked in my head making no progress because I believed I had to be someone else everywhere I went, I believed I had to be liked in order to get anywhere. Understanding I’m not for everyone has been the greatest gift I can share because when you put away the opinions of others, you can awaken your purpose.