“Ever loved someone so much you would do anything for them? Yeah, well make that someone yourself and do whatever the hell you want,” Suits. People will see you doing the work and try to bring you down. They will see you taking care of yourself and call you selfish. They will see your actions as self involved and petty. NONE of that matters. Those are the people who have no idea the depths you’ve been to in order to repair yourself. Do not allow yourself to fall into old patterns and try to please your way out of their discomfort.
When it comes to the mental health journey, people will pigeon hole self work and building a foundation as selfish. The truth is the people working on their mental health have already spent so much time sacrificing who they are for others that they need to learn how to be self-sufficient. People who have given up their purpose in favor of others or in order to get what they need from others often don’t know what it’s like to create something for themselves. They don’t even know how to identify themselves to figure out what they want or need. They are told that doing anything for themselves is wrong. Taught to deny what they are feeling or what they need in favor of what someone else wants. Sometimes this happens in really toxic relationships and that can be any relationship…
Learning to be self-sufficient isn’t about cutting other people out (unless they are harmful) or ignoring their needs. It’s about no longer prioritizing their needs. If someone demands you constantly give more than you get, that may be a person who needs to go. In order for us to fulfill our purpose and serve how we are meant to, we need a full cup. We are so trained to run on empty that it feels awkward to have the surplus (whatever it may be—energy, time etc.) when we are meant to put that to good use. And it isn’t selfish, it’s necessary.
I’ve spoken over and over again about the need to know who you are. Jumping from thing to thing looking for praise is a damn good way to get lost. Any external validation can be taken away as we know, and when we hang our hat on that type of energy, it goes away as quickly as it comes. That is why it is so important to have a solid foundation. When you know who you are with unshakeable faith, you’re able to move differently. You know what you would do in any scenario. You don’t need to fatalize or dramatize in your own head, you are able to simply be. That isn’t selfishness, that is the ability to fulfill your purpose.
Don’t ever love someone more than you love yourself. Don’t ever allow the outside opinions of people who still need to do the light-work set the tone of indifference or pain or doubt in your mind. Continue on your path, continue building yourself up so you don’t have to take bricks from other people. Make yourself so solid that those words, those opinions don’t matter. Just continue being the light you are and live your life with the utmost purpose you can muster. Somedays that means just getting out of bed. Other days it means you can take on the world. No matter what, that is fine.