“Stop worrying about what they are thinking about, what they are talking about. Worry about what you think about you about what you’re saying to yourself what you’re doing with your life.” BAM. Again, the serendipity of the universe comes in. Just as I was talking about being disappointed in myself for choosing work over my son and wondering how to change that habit, this message pops up from Radhi. I’ve been so preoccupied with proving I could handle my job , that I’m worthy of my job, that I’m good at my job, that I can balance my personal life and my professional life that I didn’t stop to think about what I wanted. I cared more about the image my boss had of me than what I thought about myself.
My boss has a really kind heart but she is absolutely driven by business. She pulls no qualms about hours away from her family and doing what needs to be done. I struggle with that because I’m not out to impress a community or to attain a certain status in the medical world…I’m there to help people and do my job. But my life isn’t my work, yet it’s this complicated thing where I know I need the work to support my life. I know I need to “have it together” in order to sustain where I’m at. Plus I was trained that you have to do as you’re told, especially what your boss tells you. I’ve always been conflicted because it never made sense to me. I started out working extremely hard for this company and trying to get through as much as I could in a day. Yes, I worked my way up a bit but it didn’t get me anything. I have always still been under someone. I’ve always had to worry about what they thought of me in order to get where I wanted to be.
Again. Radhi comes along with the answer. These aren’t people who will take care of my family for me. They would replace me in a heartbeat if something happened to me. Their thoughts are just that: their thoughts. It has no impact whatsoever on my life. How I show up for my family, my son, my friends, the work I want to do, THAT is what matters. How I show up for my life is what matters, not someone else’s idea of how I should show up to work on their dreams. I have a life to live, and it’s my life. It isn’t theirs. Why should their input have any say whatsoever in what you do with your life? An opinion has no bearing on what actions you take unless you let it. Don’t give their thoughts weight they don’t deserve.
I may not be the best advocate for sticking by such a bold statement—I’m human and I let a ton of things get to me. But I’m aware enough to know I need to work on it. It may take me some time but I know the direction I need to go in is my own and not what someone tells me. More specifically, I need to know that direction on my own rather than base it on what I THINK they think. It doesn’t matter. How do I feel about me? How do I see me? Where do I see me? What do I see myself doing? These are the things that make the difference. How I act on those answers is where the meat is. Nothing else. So, regardless of what someone else needs, it is ok, it is necessary to focus on how the exchange will impact you. Obviously I’m not talking about a life and death situation, I’m talking about those day to day things that we tend to let chip away at us. They are insignificant until we let them chip every day. That we can stop.