Support and Effort

Photo by Samantha Garrote on

“Don’t have a high tolerance for minimal effort,” via mindbody green.  I’ve felt an odd unsettled feeling lately.  There are different qualifiers to this one but it still struck me.  In terms of relationships, minimal effort is something I can no longer tolerate.  Whether it is my husband, or my extended family, or friends, I’ve spent years bearing the brunt of emotional baggage of those around me.  For the most part, I didn’t mind it because that’s who I am—I want to help people sort through it.  But I noticed a pattern where when I needed something in return (even support) they disappeared.  A common refrain was, “I don’t know what you want me to do.”

As I’ve branched out into other ventures in my life, some requiring more time and effort/support from others, it has been clear who is there and who isn’t.  I will account for the fact that when change happens, some people are prone to trying to pull you back into your old habits.  It isn’t always comfortable to see people move on or even move outside of the parameters/definitions they have for us.  Break them every time.  If it comes to keeping true to yourself or making other people happy, choose yourself every time.

So, an example of that is this: I recently saw my neighbor talking about his wife and her working.  He made a comment to the effect of, “She’s stubborn, she is going to keep working.”  The context is that she was still working after a full day.  It bothered me and I had to unpack what it was.  I mean, I regularly work 12 hour days between multiple businesses and my 9-5 and a million other people do too—her work ethic isn’t that different than anyone else’s.  As fate would have it, my husband made a comment that he wanted to game tonight knowing that I had work to do.  Then it hit me: every time I need to get something done or I’m trying to advance us, he finds an excuse to do something that gets in the way.  So I got mad for three reasons: 1. He stops me from focusing on my work because he isn’t helping with our kid.  2. He isn’t supportive of me trying new things to better myself and us.  3. He’s been talking about starting his own business but he isn’t taking any action toward it.  I need to make sure that I keep time on my calendar to do the things I need to do regardless of what he’s doing.  THAT is my support.

For those who refuse to be with you or offer their support, let them go.  Don’t waste your time trying to prove that you’re worthy of their support.  Wish them well and move forward with your plans.  There isn’t enough time to waste on showing other people you can do it.  You need to spend your time acting on what you say you want to do.  Distraction and fighting and spending time on emotions that don’t support you moving forward will never get you where you want to go.  Drop the weight of expectation that people will support you, drop the weight of pulling people along with you.  Let your wings unfurl and take flight, knowing that you support yourself.  Keep your boundaries no matter what it means.

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