The last two weekends I found myself struggling with feelings of inadequacy. The whole weekend felt like I was fighting something, pushing the rock uphill so to speak. It was odd because it’s not like I didn’t do anything, it’s just that nothing went as I planned. I had a really difficult time finishing anything. I wasn’t feeling the greatest so I wasn’t able to sit in front of the computer for long, my husband and son woke up really early, the animals needed attention (this is a cycle for this household lol). I got distracted easily and I spent a lot of time talking instead of doing. That was talking with my neighbors as well as talking with myself.
I started getting anxious because there is so much I want to do—my body hums with energy but I struggle to decide what to tackle first. As I found myself in a bit of a funk, I looked at the “Vibe of the day” from Law Of Attraction Live and it said to trust the timing of your life, have faith in the process and that there’s a divine order. I preach this all the time but I couldn’t bring myself to that level. Regardless, the reminder made me see that what I had planned for the day wasn’t in the cards. Maybe something else was meant to be.
The day was still productive even if it wasn’t how I thought it should look. It is so hard to feel like you’ve done enough when what you’ve planned doesn’t turn out. So I had several moments of self-pity before I realized that everything that did happen was beautiful. Everything that happened, happened exactly as it was meant to be. I preach about rolling with it and I guess that is a lesson I still need to learn for myself. Life keeps rolling no matter what your opinion is, no matter what you think should be happening. It’s our job to set the intention, align with the energy, and take what comes.
Once I let go of the day I had in mind, I immediately felt my confidence boost. Seriously. EVERYTHING turned around. Yes, there are major projects we still have to do, but I know now that I can not constantly be in worker mode. It’s exhausting. We have to make time for play and adventure and sometimes just nothing in order to keep our brain healthy and functioning.
Beyond planning our day, I know I’ve been doing this with my life in general. I haven’t been enjoying the full process because I live in a series of time constraints. It is partially by choice because the things I want to do require dedication and focus. Regardless of that, I enjoy doing them so that is something I WANT to make time for. But when I want something, that becomes the focus and I fixate. I drown out the potential of what could be by drilling into it so hard. Things don’t flow when you put them in a choke hold. Even if it’s a level of excitement, you keep yourself locked in anticipation when you don’t take action. And action is the way to turn around a negative mindset. So I took some time to reflect on what I had done this weekend and I found myself smiling. We made memories, we enjoyed each other, we had fun, and we had great conversation and food. The joy I felt with my family and hearing their gratitude made it all worth it. There is nothing inadequate in that.