“Every day you are the product of your decisions, not your circumstances,” Lewis Howes. The simplicity of the power of the mind complicated by the nervous system, the emotion, the way we feel about a situation. For example, you have to speak to an employee about something they’ve done wrong, your heart may race, and you let emotion bleed into the issue at hand. When you’re an intuitive and emotionally receptive, it’s easy to get swept up in how someone feels (or may feel) rather than stick with the facts of what has happened. The same can be said for how we approach day to day decisions. How often do we rage at the person who just cut us off? How often do we become frustrated when not immediately getting what we want? How often do we get angry when our partners don’t see the circumstance exactly as we do?
Any one of those situations can become volatile when we let our emotions dictate the response. Emotions aren’t a bad thing. We are human and we are trained to follow what feels good and push away what feels bad. But rather than looking at how we feel in a situation, we can learn to use emotions as a guidepost. Rather than making a distinction (I AM mad, or they HURT me, or that decision was UNFAIR), we can train our minds to look at it objectively. We can observe and recognize that we are having a feeling about what is happening, but what we are feeling isn’t actually what is happening. As angry as we get when someone cuts us off, were they really maliciously doing it TO you or were they behaving inconsiderately because of something else? (For the record, can we stop driving like assholes? Please? You really aren’t the only one on the road—leave earlier if you need to. 😊)
When emotions become our guideposts, we can process what is really going on and unpack the behavior, feelings, and next actions behind it. I know this seems like a lot but that is only because we are trained to make decisions in milliseconds. Training ourselves to slow down and take in the event creates space to think again. What we feel in the moment is irrelevant to what is happening and if we make a rash decision, we lose the opportunity to see the truth. We are also a highly egoic species, trained to compete and be the best and we let that translate to day to day activities like getting somewhere first, being right, or winning an argument.
If you want your life to look a certain way, or if you want to handle conflict better, or if you want to make better decisions with greater adaptability, you have to harness the power of your mind. You need to recognize that you have the power and you need to learn to use it. I was one of those women who immediately flew off the handle if things didn’t go my way. Everything was a personal affront on my character—even though I didn’t get offended—and I constantly felt like a target. In short, I was MISERABLE and I was angry all the time. Constantly trying to control people to conform to my ideals didn’t work either and it was flat out exhausting. It is statistically impossible that everything is wrong when you are that angry all the time—the common factor is you.
Looking at things differently and pausing to make different decisions offers so much more freedom than forcing the world to go your way. There is peace in it. More often than not, you will see things flowing much more easily when you start taking things at face value rather than personally. The situation is rarely good or bad, it’s how you interpret it. If you want a good day, it has to be a good day. If you want to be happy, you have to be happy. I’m not suggesting you give up on your path or take things lying down (we aren’t doormats). I AM suggesting that you learn to look at things a bit differently. When you’re firmly grounded in reality, what happens has less impact and you’re able to react appropriately. This is your life and you can make it what you want with that kind of openness. Think differently and you will see you’ve already got the world at your fingertips.