Trapped

Photo by Eva Elijas on Pexels.com

“When I’m feeling out of alignment, I ask myself what’s trapped inside of me right now that needs to get out?  An emotion?  A hard conversation?  A story? Energy that needs to be released can be annoying AF.  We get to set it free,” Kelly Mosser.  We get to decide how we express the things we feel.  When it comes to something we need to design, to build, or to express, if we feel it, we need to act on it.  It doesn’t matter how big or small, if it is in us and asking for expression, we need to let it out before it destroys us.  Ignoring what we are meant to do (based on what we are feeling) is suffocating.  It’s like holding a fire inside—it eventually burns you or it smothers, leaving ash and debris.

I think we also have the expectation of ourselves that our expression always needs to be the same.  Like, if we feel a certain energy, then we always have to run, or read a book, or yell.  But sometimes that energy requires a different way to be discharged.  Similarly, creativity doesn’t always look the same.  One day I want to write, the next I may need to color, and after that I may need to play a game with my son.  The beauty of getting in alignment is that it changes to elicit the best of us.  When we have a calling, we have to adapt to what is needed, not what we want to do. 

The human mind is varied and adaptable and we get to decide how to feed it.  What we consume, whether it is company, ideas, food, music, or drink, that determines the output.  Simply put, crap in, crap out.  But when we hone our abilities and really sit with who we are, then we learn to discern what is most authentically us.  Then it doesn’t matter if we run a mile one day and build a closet the next.  A really silly example of this is the pressing need to be done.  This morning, I took the dog out and I’m normally a ball of nerves because she is so much stronger than me.  I usually just want her to get done because I’m afraid she will get wound up and hurt me.  But today, I enjoyed watching her run through the yard and marveled at how she took her time to play in between doing her business.  And it hit me that she is enjoying this moment—I can too.  How many moments have I missed because I just wanted to get done? 

During our move, I moved my body in ways I hadn’t in years.  I never thought I had the time, and after a while, I didn’t think I could do that anymore.  But let me tell, you my body adapted, and I know that movement is a key form of discharge for me—as it is for everyone.  I also realize that my compulsive need to organize and complete is a discharge of when I feel out of control.  I see how much work I got done around this house and how quickly and I wish I had done it more slowly.  I mean, granted there are the essentials, but in really setting things up, I wish I had controlled that compulsion better.  I’m happy with things are, but I could have done more with patience over persistence.  Again, how much creativity did I miss by pressing to finish?  The good news is that I recognize that quality in myself now.  It’s not always about finishing, it’s about doing it right.  It’s about recognizing the need of the moment and responding to it, not making rash decisions you intend on keeping your whole life.      

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