Today I am grateful for the budding fruits of my efforts. I woke up yesterday (the second Saturday I’ve spent in my new house) and I went to my office (OMG I have a dedicated office!!) and I felt myself smile. My books surround me, my writing is everywhere, my desk is filled with everything I need to work, I have artwork to put up, and it is EVERYTHING I could have wanted. I don’t take a second of this for granted. I created a space for myself to be inspired and to create and to feel comfortable. A sanctuary I’ve wanted for a long time—and I have it now! When you see something you’ve wanted come together after so long, you can’t help but feel like some benevolent force was on your side. It’s all happening!
Today I am grateful for the improvements I’m making to myself. Granted I’m not where I want to be, but I am infinitely closer than where I was 18 months ago. I’m so happy I started teaching myself the value of pushing through when it came to the things I wanted. I’m so happy I started setting my own boundaries. I’m so happy I realized that my dreams had worth and that I could bring something else to the table. I spent too many days, nights, weeks, months, years letting myself be miserable and getting caught up in distractions—material things, eating, drinking, other people’s bullshit. I woke up and understood living like that wasn’t going to get me where I wanted to be. I realized I had to put in the work. I learned that I was allowed to do the things I wanted to do without permission. If you feel stuck and you’re tired of living the same day on repeat, I can tell you, it is infinitely better on this side. Take the leap.
Today I am grateful to break old patterns. I’ve been doing a ton of work around the house and it has left me feeling exhausted. Yes, it is satisfying, but it is a lot of work especially when you work, have projects going on, and have a toddler. I’ve felt like I’ve been letting things slip and fall through the cracks. Normally I would feel angry and disappointed in myself. But now I see my humanity, and I’m proud. We’ve been here just over a week, I’ve had to go back to work, and I have still managed to make progress in every area of this house. I’m proud of my resilience and determination and my drive. I’m proud that I recognize the work done rather than the work not done. Even if things have been forgotten, we are all still standing and we are just FINE.
Today I’m grateful for reminders that goals can be achieved—even at different paces. Prior to this change in environments, my husband and I really specialized in laziness. We were far too casual with our goals/dreams and it was easy to fall into patterns of victimhood. When we got here the first thing I said was that laziness no longer suits this family. We have been granted so much in life—and we want to do so much more—so with more effort and focus, imagine what could happen. So I jumped all in. I’ve been running like a machine and yes, it is tiring, but it is all getting done. With focused effort, it is all getting done. It is amazing what is possible when you DO.
Today I am grateful for a new level of tolerance. I’m learning to manage my emotions better and that means I’m learning to use my words more appropriately. As I said above, I’ve jumped all in on this new life. This is what we said we wanted, it’s time to be HERE and to match this level. There is no more room for allowing life to passively happen. That being said, I’ve been annoyed with some mismatched efforts from my partner. Power washing the house as it’s raining isn’t exactly a priority for me when there are roughly 300 boxes left to go through…just saying. As I felt my resentment building, it hit me: this feeling is also a choice. We have different priorities right now, but we’ve always managed to get through. We’ve been together 20 years and we have always gotten through. He’s adjusting to this as well. Everything will happen as it is meant to, and it will all get done.
Today I am grateful for learning. I’ve been shifting my focus from present comfort to long term security and freedom. It requires a significant change in my thought process because you’re thinking much further down the road. I did a pretty good job planning for the year, but learning this stuff and how to create long term financial and personal control has been mind blowing. I got into self-help work several years ago and learning about personal empowerment was life changing. This is another one of those moments. Learning to take action on long term plans and seeing the results is beyond fulfilling. We have so much capacity for creativity and so much power to change the way things are done—we have to stop letting people tell us when it’s enough. Go big!
Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.