Monday Gratitude

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Today I am grateful for our new home.  I’ve been working toward a life like this for a while and now that it is finally here, it is amazing.  Seeing things come together and being able to give back is amazing.  Putting together a plan—even if it doesn’t go exactly as you plan—and watching it unfold is amazing.  Knowing what it took to get here and knowing that I am able to do more is amazing.  I have felt my drive rekindled and my purpose—knowing what I am able to do and believing it is fuel. 

Today I’m grateful for pushing my boundaries. As good as the new house feels, I’m struggling with imposter syndrome as we are working to settle into this new life.  It is everything I wanted but I’m not quite there yet.  I’m still learning to wear this new skin, to feel my way into the life that I’ve been trying to create—the life that is already here.  It requires aligning in a way that I hadn’t tried before.  I mentioned in yesterday’s post that I had been half-assing my efforts physically and I kind of feel like I was emotionally as well.  I’ve been holding myself back, needing to plan every detail, going so methodically it bordered on stopping myself in my tracks.  It is time to unleash and push and DO more.

Today I am grateful for family.  I have always said that I wouldn’t be where I am without the support of my family.  I have been trying to build this not only for myself, but for them.  To repay them for all they have done.  It is a wonderful feeling to be able to reciprocate. 

Today I am grateful to learn the lessons about who I am so I can teach my child where we end the cycle.  I’ve been emotionally weak and there is no denying it any longer.  I let my emotions run the show and then I complained about the results.  I felt entitled to the way I felt.  Granted everyone is allowed to feel a certain way—and I am not advocating to NOT feel—but we have a say in our reaction.  I constantly let myself collapse into what I was feeling.  I let my brain wear me out before I could do anything about it.  There is no need for it.  The things we tell ourselves have a way of coming true—even if they’re not true.  If we believe we are weak, then we behave weakly.  If we think we can do it, we can.  It’s all in what we tell ourselves.  I don’t want to see my child falling apart at the seams when he is held accountable for something—that is not the world being cruel, that is just life.  I am here to teach him that.

Today I am grateful to hold myself accountable.  In realizing where my weakness is physically and mentally—and clearly seeing that I am capable—I know what I have to do.  There is no room to let outside distraction slow me down.  I’ve allowed myself to give into the comfort zone too often and that is not what I want to do.  I want to push to the next level, I need to do it.  No matter the stories or the lack of motivation of those around me, if I want a certain life then I need to DO what it takes.  It takes sacrifice and drive and focus.  That has all been rekindled in me.  It is about what I can offer to make this work even better, to make this life work for me so I can use my efforts to elevate others.        

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead!

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