“When we cling to what we know we miss how we could grow”—sophia.joan.short. the other day I wrote about the innate habits we all have and how, in my case, it came out in how I am raising my son. I see so clearly how I have hindered myself by trying to control everything. Gabby Bernstein talks about how surrender isn’t giving up, it’s giving over—and even that distinction pissed me off because I felt like there was always an order to things and that if you acted according to how it was supposed to go it would go that way.
I’ve struggled with the things that didn’t come to pass in my life. I ALWAYS took it personally, like I had done something to affront the universe so my wishes weren’t worthy of coming true. And it hurt because I took so much time to do exactly what I was told, hoping every time that I would get what I deserved—well, what I thought I deserved.
Looking back now, learning what I have learned, I see where that inflexibility has hindered me. I fear letting go of anything because I have so many memories of the blessings I’ve received that I’m afraid I won’t get again. Maybe that’s the wrong way to say it—it’s more I’m afraid of losing the possibility of having it again. I fear not getting what I need in spite of doing what I’m supposed to do. Meaning hard work will get you your reward…my life hasn’t always worked out like that.
There were moments it felt like I was meant to be a doormat while other people got the credit for work I did and that I was always meant to feel like that. Now I need to see that there are other lessons that may have needed to come out not getting my way other than feeling like I wasn’t meant to succeed. Some of those lessons I’m still not 100% on what they were, but I can admit that there has to be something there.
Any time you cling it prevents you from moving one way or the other. Times I ventured out kind of left me with a bad taste in myself so I felt safer trying to keep things as they were. But now I see that staying in this safe harbor I’ve created has cultivated a life on repeat—comfortable, yes, but very stifling. It is time to trust that life takes you where you need to be. I need to trust that life will take me where I need to be.
I know how important it is to keep moving, I have spoken of it. But it was so key for me to stop until I figured out what exactly it was that held me back. I love my family very much, I have been so privileged in my life, but I have been afraid. Afraid of who I really am, afraid of letting people down, afraid of never having that type of joy again, afraid of not knowing how to do things for myself and always needing people who may not always be there.
In order to cope with the natural changes of life it is important to learn how to build your own foundation. It eases the fear of things changing when you know where you stand. When you stand firm in who you are, you know how to bend and learn new ways to adapt. You learn how to stretch, you learn new things and you get creative. Growth is in letting go. Growth is in trusting your decisions. Growth is in acting on what is right for you. Don’t cling to things that have moved on…move in your own direction.