This past Friday a bunch of things just seemed to be misaligned—I got stuck behind someone doing 10 miles an hour in a dusting of snow, my son isn’t listening to ANYTHING I tell him, he’s breaking all of his stuff, tech at work wasn’t functioning, and when it did work it was going extremely slow. It felt like everything was just having a rough start, you know like a car idling high and not moving. Maybe that was the so-called engine of life trying to shift gears and not being able to catch the next one. I feel like it was the universe telling me to stop trying to drive to two directions at once and focus on where I want to go.
I had a moment while driving in thinking about how people race to the end of their lives; wanting our days to be over so we can get home so we can start again tomorrow to get the week over. How we so often beg for do-overs—I’ve wanted to press restart on my life a million times—but all we can do is keep going. I started thinking about the next life, how our energy is repurposed instead of focusing about how we use our energy in this life.
I started asking myself why do we get so caught up—in everything?! Routine, guilt, perceived obligation, drama, needless work, power struggles…what is the purpose? To appease our own ego? Or someone else’s ego? We are so consumed with consuming, acquiring, accumulating that we have forgotten the beauty in creating (we feel there isn’t enough room/our story isn’t important enough), collaboration (lack trust or it’s a power struggle), community (there’s no accounting for individualism), and self-expression (making room for our light/needs/wants because it’s perceived as selfish). I don’t want the light at the end of the tunnel to be filled with regret, letting those I love go. Wishing I had more time.
I’ve been acutely aware of time my whole life. Feeling like a victim to it. Now I want it to be an ally. Time is a gift meant to be used, enjoyed, filled with purpose. I want to dance with it. Experience it. Live my life and love those important to me while I can. I’m tired of being caught up, waiting for the right time or feeling like I have to ask permission to live.
This is my permission slip. Live my life, be whole, love big, share a lot, smile often, laugh loud, let it go, believe it all, have faith, move as necessary, jump when you want to, take the chance, take the opportunity, release expectation, do more of what you love, feel lightly, be present. Breathe. Do. Be. Me. Be. You.