I’m still awakening and coming out of my own selfish haze. I didn’t realize how deep the pit goes when it comes to relishing in our own misery and how that cuts us off from the world. When you live with anxiety, you live like you’re always protecting yourself from something, from everything really. It makes you come across as self-absorbed because you’re worried about what is going to happen. But it isn’t that kind of selfishness. The reality is you care—a lot.
I’m about to change my selfishness. I’m giving up being a martyr, meeting other people’s demands and expecting them to meet mine. In the same vein, I’m done believing that it is someone else’s responsibility to meet my needs while I meet theirs. I’m giving up passing on my life for the sake of other people’s dreams. I’m giving up the self-inflicted resentment.
I’m spending my energy better—taking care of my body, mind, and soul. Working on sharing my gifts with others. Letting go. I’m cleansing everything. My space, my body, my mind. I will remind myself every day to release fear. To embrace the unknown. To lean into life. To dance with destiny.
I need to do something different, to believe and act from a place of faith. I’m going to be more reserved with my emotions, rather, more selective in who I share my emotions with. I invite clarity so I’m no longer spinning in circles. I’m de-bugging my brain and working on installing some new programming. Years of training myself to be afraid and to not believe in myself and my abilities takes some time to kick out. But working on self-love and positive self-talk combined with acceptance creates a better foundation. I’m ready to give more, to love more, to help more—but first I have to build my foundation.
My selfishness isn’t about material gain—it’s to care for myself to care for others. I matter. I was given this life and these dreams for a reason. They are mine to tend and grow. I’ve hidden in fear, afraid of mistakes and overstepping my boundaries. But, as yesterday’s quote said, “The world needs us to honor our potential because it makes us part of the solution” Morgan Love. Blooming, while it exposes our vulnerability, makes us grow. We all share our little part. Growth isn’t selfish—it is necessary.