Ah, I love when life brings you a good quote in synchronous fashion—and today there were two. “10 years from now, make sure you can say that you chose your life and you didn’t settle for it,” Derek Moneybag. “Are you doing what makes you happy or are you doing what makes you feel accepted? Don’t confuse real happiness with validation from others,” Vex King.
For a long time I let life come at me. I lived reacting to what came my way, hoping I could control the universe and prevent certain events from happening. I never understood or implemented boundaries. I thought everyone lived like that, with no say in how their day went. Like, I really couldn’t figure out how people fit in exercise or cooking or the shows they wanted to see or a hobby.
As I’m awakening, I hear my soul answering that question—it’s priorities. It’s not about maintaining a comfort zone, it’s about creating something new. Literally deciding what you want and making the time to do that and ignoring anything you’re “supposed” to do to make someone happy. This goes right into the second quote—I also used to need insane amounts of validation. I needed someone to tell me I was right or wrong and what to do next. And I thought that was happiness. But it was only their idea of me, my performance that was validated—not me.
I spent my time believing I wasn’t allowed to live my dreams because I needed to support other people. I believed that I needed to play small to keep the peace, not show my intelligence. I have broken out of that mold occasionally, saying what I needed to (maybe at the wrong time) and I was not heard at my most vulnerable so that didn’t help the needing validation feeling…but I’ve continued to try. And I am comfortable with that now.
I am stretching in my new skin, testing my voice. And I’m making sure I’m living my life on purpose, in what is right for me, and what makes me happy. I own that. I’m not giving anyone the power to determine how I feel. Or what decisions I make—and I am not letting people make me feel guilty for what I feel and what is right for me.
To close with two more quotes I came across today: “Follow the voice you hush to keep quiet, the voice that believes you can do this, that knows you have what it takes,” Morgan Love. And finally, “I’m terrified of success. I’m terrified of the thought of being ‘better’ than someone else. Then I realize this world needs our success. It needs us to raise to our greatest potential. Honoring our potential doesn’t make us better than—it makes us part of the solution.” Morgan Love. So choose, live, learn, make those decisions and change them if you need to, and let yourself out of any self-imposed cages you’ve created—and make it a life you have chosen to love.