The other day I discussed things I was willing to do in my life to get where I want to be. In these moments of change, we are either our greatest allies or our worst enemy. If the things we want are on the other side of our fears, that means we have to face our fears. My fears are far and wide and sometimes not even real. This makes for a lot of hurdles in the effort to move forward.
I have failed nearly every time I’ve attempted a large change. I succumb to my anxiety, to my fears, to the obnoxious belief that I can’t do it. Years of people telling me that I can’t do it, years of being ignored, years of not knowing how to follow through on my own have left me confused and alone and sometimes holding the bag…and no where nearer to where I want to go.
Living like that for so long has made me settle. I have settled for a job that pays the bills and affords a decent life—but it doesn’t light me up. The work is enjoyable but it doesn’t drive me and it hasn’t allowed for me to thrive. I know that to be the best version of myself, I need to do something that will ignite me. It isn’t about how much I can buy—it’s about how much I can detach from the monster in my head and connect with what is REAL. The fact that I have a beautiful family, food, shelter, clothing, water, I do not take any of that for granted. I am in a position where I have been blessed with many gifts and I want to share them But I settled out of fear.
I settled in relationships. I accepted love on promises of what could be rather than on what was. I gave too many chances to people, believing what they said rather than what they did. All for the sake of being accepted. Because I was afraid I would be alone if I didn’t do what they said. I found I was more accepting of what they did, no matter how they broke my heart and they rarely reciprocated the favor.
It took a long time for me to understand that this behavior was by design. People fear change and they will do whatever they can to cling to what they know even if it means bringing you down. We can’t rely on people to give us the things we need if they lack those things themselves. And we can’t expect ourselves to find them within if we are lacking as well.
It is better to spend the time alone and working on what we can improve for ourselves than it is to be with a group of people who don’t have your best interest at heart. Unfortunately we live in a world that sees its fair share of greed and self-serving behavior so the message about self- care and boundaries is often misconstrued to mean that you are selfish. But the truth is demanding that others meet our needs all the time and or they only seek you out for their own purposes is selfish. We have forgotten how to be in relationships with each other, how to help each other. And it’s no surprise because we have forgotten what it is that we really need.
Knowing what we are willing to do clarifies the boundaries we need to uphold no matter who they are with. Knowing what we are willing to do helps define our story. Knowing what we are willing to do helps define the next step. And in the adventure of life, all we need is the next step.