Today I am grateful for deep connection. I had an experience today watching a movie with my family that shot straight to my core. It a very short instant I realized the amount of distraction we have forced upon ourselves, the busyness we have instilled as the norm, and I started questioning the quality of the time we have on this earth. There comes a point where quantity is meaningless if there is no quality. Watching the movie today I realized that I am still in the throes of distraction—and I need more moments of connection.
Today I am grateful for the reminder that I can always redirect. No matter how distracted, no matter how involved I am in something, when the feeling hits that it isn’t serving, then I love knowing that I can change my focus. After watching the movie, I realized how much work remains to be done on fear and how deeply rooted my fears are. They are grounded firmly in loss and in other people’s perception of me. But I realized that what matters is being here, being present and taking the time I have with my family.
Today I am grateful for some time to also connect with my creativity. I’m narrowing my focus and beginning to shape and co-create the life I want. I spent a lot of time reliving the past and projecting about the future—but none of that got me where I wanted to be and it made me tense, sick, and exhausted. Stepping out of the monkey-mind and working on things that bring me joy simply for the sake of doing them helps level out the mind.
Today I am grateful (and proud) to have taken more steps toward my goals. I purchased some equipment for my business this weekend. I’ve been working on this for over a year now and there are days I am so tired that I feel like I can’t take another step. But I have learned that even if I am tired, even if I don’t take that step in the moment, I can still take the step when I am rested and ready and it is still progress.
Today I am grateful for new insight to old knowledge. I have never hid the fact that I am a perfectionist or that I have control issues. Today I was able to see how those traits truly were holding me back and I understood that the control issues wouldn’t exist (or they would be minimized) if I were better at prioritizing. I know I take on too much, perhaps with a bit of over-confidence, but they are things that I know I am capable of doing. I fall into the trap of distraction WAY too easily and then I get overwhelmed with how much I took on. This is a fixable pattern. I used to have the victim mentality that people didn’t believe in me. I see that I put too much weight on my shoulders to do any of it well.
Today I am grateful for rest. I feel content and ready to close my eyes tonight, knowing that I did enough. Knowing that I did my best. Knowing that whatever tomorrow brings, right now is all that matters. I can watch my son sleep peacefully and know that I am so lucky to have him in my life. I can see my husband resting and know that we are in this together. I can look at myself in the mirror and know that I have survived everything behind me and that anything in front of me is just speculation until I get there. For right now, all is well.