The last few weeks have proven draining—or at least, I have allowed myself to be taken by the overwhelm of what is happening. We’ve had some high points to celebrate but the lows and frustrations have interspersed those moments nearly as quickly. So today, I am simply giving up. There is truly nothing else in my power that I can do to change the current state of events—so I am not going to push. My will and no amount of me forcing is going to change what is happening. It is just one of those things.
Initially I felt helpless and frustrated because I am always looking for something to be doing. I am always looking for some action that can be taken, so when I feel I am out of options, it feels more like being up against a wall than an accomplished, “I’ve done all I can.” And that is something that hurts me. Perhaps it is ego seeking control and lashing out at not being fulfilled, but this time, instead of anger, I feel tired.
The truth is, this scenario is completely out of my hands so I am trying to see the lesson here—and to accept that what I thought was the initial lesson may not have been the message meant for me. Perhaps there is something greater I was meant to learn.
For today I am going to rest. I have felt the weight and pressing need to rest a lot lately so that is all I can do. I turned to my cards and I drew, “You don’t have to fear your fear. It can redirect you to love.” Gabby Bernstein, Super Attractor. One of the pages I follow also discussed priorities and focus so maybe the areas I was working on aren’t what needed attention right now. The bottom line in all of what I am feeling is that it will pass and I can still make the best of this. I am so blessed and there are still many other things I can do with my time to move forward in other arenas. That is where I can focus my attention.
For me accepting lessons like this is challenging. It’s one of those moments when you know you’ve done everything right, everything within your power, and sometimes you just watch it slip away. So I need to redirect and focusing on what I have to be grateful for is key right now. And it’s a chance to practice getting comfortable with the uncomfortable. I’m not saying I like it, but I know it has some value. Taking it all in, resting, and integrating the lesson all have their time and place—and this is one of those moments. It doesn’t always have to be movement and force, and resting doesn’t mean “doing nothing”. I am recuperating, I am healing, and I am learning.