Feeling Off

time lapse photo of stars on night

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The voice of doubt has been strong this week.  I have had so many moments of fear coupled with self-loathing—and it hasn’t been this strong in a long while.  I hit a real low this week.  It was one of those weeks where not one of my techniques came to the forefront of my mind and I felt completely abandoned and hopeless.

I know that there have been some major astrological shifts with the moon this week so I’m not sure if that had anything to do with it (if you believe in that or really understand it, maybe you can explain it to me!).  I had been excited thinking that I was in for a real progressive, positive shift.  I didn’t expect to feel so drained and lonely.

I started thinking about it clinically.  I started thinking about how the brain can take us from such incredible highs to such devastating lows and how we are all just taken along on the ride of where our mind wants to take us.  This line of thought actually helped me because I was able to put a chemical reason to it.  For whatever reason my brain was just experiencing a low.

Then I started thinking about it logically and I know part of the problem is that I am quite simply at my limit.  I’ve been working limited hours at my 9-5 (intentionally) but during my off time I’ve turned into the full time mom again.  I’m feeling so conflicted because I LOVE being with my kid but it is exhausting trying to keep him entertained all the time.  I find myself torn ALL the time with what we “should” be doing next.  I’ve also been taking a lot of courses lately trying to get myself where I want to be with my business.  I’ve made the decision to work for myself and that is a new level of trying to figure it out.  This is all mentally draining.  Throw in not working out very much and the energy just isn’t where it needs to be.  I’ve also been disappointed because I’ve been busting my butt for weeks to eat well and to keep my body moving and I’m at a standstill right now—no progress toward definition and my stamina is way down.

I know that any one of those things would be challenging but I still don’t feel much relief.  It’s difficult to even write this.  I know I’m not the only one who has ever felt this.  So all I want to do at this point is say that I know we are not alone in feeling overwhelmed—even if we feel like we have no reason to feel that way.  Sometimes we have to feel this low in order to practice what we preach—in this case that all the feelings are valid.  So I will take this week and chalk it up as some lessons learned and just know that it will pass.

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