I read Lena Dunham’s post today about lessons to take into 2020. She wrote about going slower than you think you should because it ultimately adds up to more. On this first day of 2020 that is a lesson I take to heart. I’m struggling today with the little projects that genuinely looked little when I began them and then turned into an ordeal. I literally have NO idea how that happened. It was nothing major (just taking down interior lights and the small trees) and somehow the fucking carpets ended up cleaned, the kitchen floor washed, my son’s toys put together. I seriously don’t know. That’s how much auto-pilot is on for me.
I think it’s important to re-evaluate the necessity of going slow. I’m not talking about neglecting things that need to get done, but learning to take your time in doing it. I had to stop several times during the clean up today because I started feeling ill again. A feeling that I hate (as I mentioned a few days ago) is helplessness. I hate being captive to things outside of me. And it’s even harder to accept that it’s my own body making the decisions for me. I’m used to being able to accomplish a certain amount in a certain time and now that I can’t I feel like I’m up fighting to even stay awake. There’s nothing I can do about it either.
So, in the spirit of shifting perspective, going slow can be the exact thing I need right now. I had been expecting myself to enter the New Year with a bang, taking on my business and my projects and unveiling them to the world and storming forward. I still want to do those things, that hasn’t changed, but the energy I thought I would have is absent. It’s definitely making me think more clearly about the next steps I need to take. There is value in going slow. As Lena said, you ultimately get more out of it in the long run.
Admittedly, I have plowed through most of my life looking for the end result without taking a moment to savor what’s in front of me in the moment. Honestly, I think I wanted to get it done as fast as I could so I could enjoy the result more. The Universe is telling me in its own way that it’s time to take in what is around me now. I am here NOW. There is beauty now. You get more substance from the end result and it lasts longer when you take the time to go through it all.
I don’t want to rush my life away–I want to revel in it. That means enjoying the stinky parts, the difficult parts, and yes, even the slow parts. All of that together is what makes life. We can’t slice and dice or close our eyes through the stuff we don’t like. I was in the middle of working on this content when my kid had a melt-down and I knew he needed a nap. So I had to stop and put his little boy mind at ease and get him into bed and stay with him until he fell asleep. There is nothing wrong with that. He knows that mommy is there for him to help him when he needs it. I wanted to be a more present parent and I did that. The work still got done. Time isn’t the enemy—our perception of it is. So don’t be afraid to slow down. It will all unfold as it should; that is trust, that is peace.