I’ve lived a big chunk of my life being a pleaser, believing my needs weren’t as important as other’s needs. I believed that it wasn’t right to go after the things I wanted. I believed that the things I wanted would only come to me if they were meant and I added the idea that “meant to” meant that I had to suffer for it. That started a vicious cycle of turning down opportunities thinking that it would come back to me in the future. In hindsight I know that I should have jumped over any opportunity that came my way and that I didn’t need to hurt myself to get what I wanted.
As I progress through this journey of self-discovery and self-appreciation, I continue to awaken to the things that feel right in my life, the things that make me come alive. I find that I have no desire to people please any longer and that I am not interested in being submissive or quite and waiting for directions from people NOT living my life. I want open, energetic, free-flowing ideas, expression, passion, working on MY dreams, MY purpose. The simple truth is that I’ve grown beyond the behaviors that kept me safe. Those behaviors may have made some people look favorably at me, but it didn’t bring me the joy that I know exists in this life. I don’t want to be the dutiful respondent—I am the universe in a tiny package, I have a gift to share.
I’m learning to accept my imperfections as perfect and understand that I can still live my life just as I am now—I don’t need to meet some arbitrary standard of perfection in order to be worthy of what I want—I am worthy now. As we ALL are. I am aligning with my gifts and ready to experience everything meant for me and just enjoying my life. I’m a fire cracker, high energy, feisty, passionate, loving and fierce, devoted and protective.
I’ve realized there is no reason to live in someone else’s bubble idea of who I’m supposed to be. I did well in the box. I excelled in the box, doing exactly what I was told. I will do what you give me to do and I will do it well. But I don’t THRIVE in the box. I need air, sun, water, earth, I need to stretch my limbs to the cosmos because my limits aren’t here. I’m here to elevate others and make people think, break down what you thought you had to do and start a new way of being. I don’t fit in the box any longer and I used to shove myself into the furthest, darkest corner to make room for others. It made my mind like a caged animal.
Now I’m making this about experience. I’m focused on how cool it is to exist rather than lamenting it. Being who I really am allows me to enjoy and be a better version of myself. That is when my talents shine through and that is when I am at my best. The façade I so carefully created is breaking away and I couldn’t be happier.