Plans and Time

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“Big things take time,” Tia McCollars.  Such an appropriate continuation on the ending of yesterday’s piece with enjoying the ride.  One of my biggest faults is impatience…with everything.  I am always a thousand steps ahead in some twisted effort to create more time and I rarely stop and take in my surroundings.  Worse, that impatience often extends to other people, even those I love dearly.  I’ve always been one of those people who wants to get the goal and I really struggle to see the purpose in the journey.  Until recently.  I’ve put myself in a self-induced state of chaos because I’m trying to do too many things at once.  I want to do all the things.  I can’t help it.  I’ve never been able to decide “what I want to be” because so many things seem like fun.  I want to do it all.

At first being goal driven WAS fun.  Honestly.  I felt like each start was an adventure and I looked forward to the beginning.  That is probably still my favorite thing.  I love starting.  I inevitable end up getting tired or annoyed part way through and start whining about it until it’s done or I don’t finish.  That’s when it stopped being fun.  I would carry around years of half started projects with me, always intending to finish them but never doing it.  Then I would get distracted by the next enticing adventure and start it all over again.  Again, at first it was fun and I felt fine.  Over time, I have felt the weight of all of those pieces on my shoulders and all it does is slow me down.  There is no finality, no sense of accomplishment, no seeing the finish line for anything. 

So there I was/am (whatever this is) stuck between carrying everything or rushing toward the end so I would actually finish it.  And I felt exhausted.  Projects that should have been relatively simple took me around the world (see yesterday’s piece) while others flew by me without any sense of joy.  The meat of it all is in the joy of what we are doing.  The goal doesn’t need to be how many things we do, rather how we do them.  The destination isn’t always the goal.  There is always a place for the journey.  In fact, as I mentioned before, the journey is often what shapes us.  There are things we see and learn we never would have otherwise.  And that is why patience is key. 

Big things take time.  We may not see results immediately.  We may not feel like we are getting anything out of it but we have to keep going.  Things may not look how you think they should but that doesn’t mean a thing. Big things take time.  If you can see the end result in your mind, don’t allow anyone to sway you, not even your ADHD thoughts.  That result is the driver for where you will end up whether that destination turns out to be where you thought it was or not. You will most certainly end up where you need to be.  This is where faith is so important.  Steve Harvey talked about people living on “faith street”.  He said that sometimes it takes a while for that package to get there, but it will arrive in due time.  If you move from where you are, it will go back to sender.  So stay the course.  Allow yourself to be shaped by it.  Those big things will get clearer and clearer as you get closer to them.  Trust and be patient.  

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